Your thoughts wanted please

celyn90

I also think it belongs to you. Maintance is exactly that; designed to cover the day to day expenses. You and your hubby have had to make do without the contribution so far and presumably have met the shortfall. If you do use it to pay off part of the mortgage, you are still paying for a roof over your heads; something that the kids need if they are still living at home and something that they are likely to inherit in the future. Even if they are not living at home, the fact that it will make you finacially more stable will put you in a better position to contribute towards their lives in the future if and when they need it. best wishes, cel x

whitewing

I agree it belongs to you and hubby for use as you wish. I don't think you should feel guilty about it at all. If you wanted to use the whole lot for paying into the mortgage, I think that would be perfectly acceptable.

Ms_Chocaholic

I agree it belongs to yourself and OH. If you were to give the children some of it, I think the amount you agree to give them should be split between all the children as the younger one (although not your exs) will have suffered in some way as a result of your ex not paying maintenance whether that be through not having a family holiday or whatever.

If you can't agree what to do with it though, I'm happy to take it off your hands

busiscoming2

Thanks for all your replies it has made me see things in a different way. As has been mentioned, when I used the term children in my original post I did mean all 3 children. I am a great one for fairness and equality! Lets just hope the money appears now!

kr15snw

I agree that the money is yours, but I think it would be nice to put some back for this kids.

Obviously this depends on their situations, for example does the 21 year old still live at home? Maybe at uni? Or are they working?

If this was me I would put a small 'nest egg' into a high interest account for the kids. An equal amount each. But dont tell them. Then when they say 'mum Im going to buy a house' you can go 'well dear, heres X thousand pounds that Ive been saving for you '. (Im not keen on just handing over 3 k for no reason as Ive seen many many friends spend it on nothing special and realise its all gone). But this depends on how much you get.

But I also agree putting some towards the mortgage would be a could idea.

belfastgirl23

The money belongs to the family - ie you and your OH have the decision as to what to do with it. I guess I feel using a little of it to treat you all (eg to a holiday) would be a nice thing to do under the circumstances, even to give the older two kids a sense that their dad has contributed something to their wellbeing, albeit too little and too late. But I'm assuming if your OH is keen to pay it towards the mortgage he is worrying a bit about financial security which is a good thing. And if he wants to put the rest of it towards that or towards rainy day savings then that sounds sensible to me. Especially since if one of the kids really needed it you could draw it back again. They won't miss what they haven't had IMHO. And the money will all be theirs eventually anyway.

Tigerlilley1980

I really think the money is yours because it is you who has paid for the food, heating, clothing and generally keeping a roof over the children's heads. Although I would buy them each something nice out of the money that they want but otherwise you would not be able to buy normally. Let us know what you decide in the end

onetomany

spend on u and ur hubby hun, my ex pays csa but it goes on bills food etc sounds like he owes it to you for lack of payment before, im sure if you look at what you did and do 4 the kids, cleaning,cooking, carering etc over the last few years and billed him you would find he owes you lots more, enjoy it hun, (think morgage is a great idea)

arthur_dent_2

Without a doubt it is jointly the money of you and your husband.. Use it on the mortgage these are very uncertain times.

foxxymynx

Your OH paid the cost that your ex should have paid. I think you should give some to your children and then do with the rest as you please.