Child Maintenance (CSA) questions (merged)

asandwhen

Not sure if this is the right place feel free to move it :-

We pay the CSA £200 per month - This is for my partners children who live with there Dad - They live with him because my partner left the family home and didnt want to cause them extra stress by them moving schools ect ect - The children come to stay every weekend and on a wednesday - There father is on benefits so he doesnt see any of the money we pay - He also doesnt have the money to pay for the childrens clothes,uniforms,treats,shoes,christmas toys,birthdays so we also pay for these - it breaks my girlfriends heart the fact that they live with there dad but they are happy with the way things are and at least they get to see both parents - I want him to go out and get a job so the money we pay to the csa for the children actually goes to the children - Guess this is just a moan to get things off my chest but also want to know if anyone else out there has the same problem.

Prudent

I can see where you are coming from. I am sure every non resident parent wants to see the children directly benefit from the money.
They are though benefitting financially at one level as this is literally contributing to their home and food.

When my marriage split I chose to work full time in a fairly demanding job to try and ensure my child did not go without too much (I am the parent with care and had a struggle to get payment from the non reseident parent).
On reflection I am not sure this was the right decision. What she craved most was my love and time. it sounds as though things are being provided for your partner's children and their needs are being met. Perhaps when life has been uncertain and changing for them its good to have the security of coming home to dad every day?

This is just for thought. I don't know the situation and I am not passing judgement.

ohdear_4

If the resident parent was a mum, then you possibly wouldn't think twice about her being a SAHM and living off benefits.

I was a single parent for a few years, I was SAHM as my son needed me there, once he was at school I did do voluntary work, but I couldn't get a proper job as holidays were a problem.

My ex husband didn't pay me a penny, saw and still sees his son 3 or 4 times a year, he's not had a phone call for nearly 4 months. But he started to pay 3 years ago just before I got remarried. He decided to pay as I was getting married but had been on benefits for a few years and he thought I wouldn't see the money (I do think that is different now, I think x amount of £s is ignored, I might be wrong). Anyway, he has now got a great big bill, about £10,000 -£15,000 to pay back to the state for the benefit that I received!!

I think that you have to let this man bring the kids up his way, if they are anything like my son was it hits them hard when one parent leaves (my son was 2 1/2).

Goodluck with it all!!

asandwhen

the difference here though is that we have the kids every weekend and every wednesday - so thats 3 days at ours 4 days at there dads - We pay every penny for everything - the dad pays nothing (and we pay his benefits through csa) - am I wrong to be annoyed?

calleyw

But even if he was getting all the money from the CSA how do you know it is being spent on the children. You don't and try in a household where there are 4 kids by 3 different fathers. And two of them are your husbands.

Surley if they are spending so much time at your house would it not be better for you to have custody. Then maybe you would not have be resentful of paying this money out as you no longer would be.

On a side note and please don't take this the wrong but it is interesting to see a case where a mother is paying out rather than a dad.


Yours

Calley

ohdear_4

Have a look at the csa's new rules. The money is reduced by the amount of time that the non resident parent has them I think. Any more than 52 days a year with the non resident parent, then they pay a certain % less. The more days you have them, the more the money will be reduced. I think it might be calculated on how many overnights you have the children though.

He should be able to afford to buy the kids all they need, maybe not all they want. I managed ok on benefits, couldn't afford the internet, sky, car etc but we were happy.

You have a right to be annoyed about anything, if it bothers you then it is a problem. When children are involved it is always stressful, and it always hurts whether financially or emotionally. If it were me, I would fight tooth and nail to keep my kids, I couldn't hand over cash for someone else to do it, it must really hurt.

Take care

asandwhen

calleyw wrote:

Surley if they are spending so much time at your house would it not be better for you to have custody. Then maybe you would not have be resentful of paying this money out as you no longer would be.

Fair point and one that we have had long discussions - Im sure it would be better for us but not for them - they both attend a local school to dad (5 mins walk) - we live about 30 miles away (although we both work in the town where they live) - We didnt think it would be fair to drag them to a new town/school especially the oldest who is currently doing gcse's. I know its not normal for the mother to be away but at least this way they get to see both parents - if it was down to him seeing them at the weekend he wouldnt bother.

calleyw

asandwhen wrote:

Fair point and one that we have had long discussions - Im sure it would be better for us but not for them - they both attend a local school to dad (5 mins walk) - we live about 30 miles away (although we both work in the town where they live) - We didnt think it would be fair to drag them to a new town/school especially the oldest who is currently doing gcse's. I know its not normal for the mother to be away but at least this way they get to see both parents - if it was down to him seeing them at the weekend he wouldnt bother.

I think it is great that they see so much of both parents that is the way access should work. And you are right it tends to be the men who leave.

I agree if the eldest is doing gcse's to leave them at the same school. But staying during the week may be a strain on them as it disrupts there routine for homework and course work.

Maybe once the eldest has sat his exams and starts to think about there future why not suggest living with you then.

Silly question I assume you are paying a slightly lower amount of payments because they stay more than 52 nights a year.

As I said my husband pays for his two but with two other children in the household how does he know it goes on his children. We don't and it is something we have to live with. And his ex and husband can both afford to smoke sky tv etc. And we are left to struggle. But who said life was fair. Not me. LOL!!!!!!!!

All the best with the situation.


Yours

Calley

asandwhen

calleyw wrote:

Silly question I assume you are paying a slightly lower amount of payments because they stay more than 52 nights a year.

yes we only pay 4/7ths of the amount hence only £200 - I think you are right about the older one though.

ohdear_4

I thought the kids were young. Why hasn't he got a job now they are big enough to look after themselves for short periods of time, or a small job at the weekend. I presumed they were under 10!! How will he get his money once the kids leave education?? I know teenagers are difficult (I have a 12 year old and he can be a handful) but you don't have to be there all day for them to pick them up from school etc anymore.

What does he do during the day?? Cleaning, ironing, shopping?

MMmmm, doubt it!!