What Do You Tell Your Friends?

jenevieve

Hi everyone,
The only people who know about my debt is the ever-supportive people on this forum. I am way too ashamed to tell any of my friends or family; it is just unthinkable.
However, I occasionally get asked about when I intend to buy a property (I am 33 and I rent) and I tend to just say that I am trying to save for a deposit. Although in reality I am trying hard to bash away at my debt!
I just wondered what other people tell their friends and family, if anything?

Tondella

I'm quite happy to say that I'm scrimping to pay off the credit cards to all and sundry, but have only given specific amounts to my mum, brother (who stupidly took out a loan the other month) and bridesmaid to be. My OH prefers not to tell his mum and work colleagues and so says he's saving up for our wedding. Lords knows what he'll say when we are married - saving for a deposit i guess.

jellycat40

I am of the opinion that I have commited no crime and if people ask me then I will tell them about my financial situation. My close friends know that I have a huge debt and that it goes back to my second marriage. Most of them are supportive and it does stop them asking me to do anything too expensive. However i still pay my way when out and I still treat them every now and then.

My family all know and don't seem fazed by it. Mostly my life is easier if everyone knows.

Louise

Northernbird_2

None of our friends have any idea how much we owe. Our family doesn't either. It would devastate them, and they would just worry themselves sick. We want to get out of the mess ourselves as we got into it and we just plod along as best we can.

If they ask about buying a house, I just say the housing market is ridiculous and I don't want to risk stretching myself to buy a house and then end up losing it.

I prefer them not to know, I keep my life fairly private that way, and that's the way I like it. I would be too ashamed to admit how stupid I've been getting into this mess.

jenevieve

Northernbird wrote:

None of our friends have any idea how much we owe. Our family doesn't either. It would devastate them, and they would just worry themselves sick. We want to get out of the mess ourselves as we got into it and we just plod along as best we can.

If they ask about buying a house, I just say the housing market is ridiculous and I don't want to risk stretching myself to buy a house and then end up losing it.

I prefer them not to know, I keep my life fairly private that way, and that's the way I like it. I would be too ashamed to admit how stupid I've been getting into this mess.

Hi Northernbird,
Your words echo how I feel. I cannot really explain how I managed to get into such a mess apart from a long time living beyond my means and I really don't have anything of substance to show for my debts either.
It is really frustrating because I take home about £1700 per month and about £700 of that goes on debt repayment. I am determined to slog it out though and dig myself out.
If I didn't have any debt I would have probably near £1000 disposable income every month. I get so cross with myself if I think of all my stupid frittering that has led to this state! :mad:

FrankieM

I have to say that I haven't really spoken about it to close family...
We actually consolidated everything into our mortgage, bar 1 credit card, 2 yrs ago and so I've found it quite easy talking about it to friends cause its pass tense. We have learnt our lesson and have been living within our means as well as paying off the credit card.
My OH is quite private about finances though and so we usually talk generally and not really specific amounts... :rolleyes:

pineapple_beach

The worst bit for me was telling my OH... but he found out when Egg phoned to check I was happy with the latest consolidation loan... I felt embarrassed, ashamed, stupid and it had a big impact on my self esteem. He just looked really disappointed in me.
Since then (Aug 04) I have worked really hard and my £24000 debt :eek: is now £8800. It feels more in control now and for the last six months I have freely told close friends and family, as it has necessitated me cutting back on pressies and casual spending. I am only specific about details with those really close to me, but I can't wait until debt is behind me and I won't ever do this again. A lesson learnt.
Best wishes and keep focussed at the end goal, each bit paid off makes the dream more of a reality.
p_b

bank_of_slate

Hi fellow MSE ers,

You tell other people what you are comfortable to tell them. There is no right or wrong answer in this. I bet you'd be amazed how many of your friends are also in debt but won't tell you.
True friends are friends whether you are affluant or in debt. They should like you for who you are, not what you can afford.
Family is a bit different, there can be the worry of 'letting them down' or them worrying about you. With siblings there can be competition between you which doesn't help.
For the me, the most important thing is what you tell YOURSELF.
It's you who is having to deal with it, you have to find a solution that you are comfortable with.
You are your own worse critic so give yourself lots of positive encouragement every day, keep a log to remind yourself just what great changes you've made and preach in the church of MSE!!!!!!
...Linda xx

Kevicho

All my friends know and most have been really encouraging, even if it does mean having to turn them down for the pub or whatever

Real friends will be cool, i kinda make a joke out of it, but they all realise how serious i am about this and some of it is rubbing off on them.

Off to a friends tommorrow to sort her finances out (hopefully) and teach her some guitar

frosty

my mum knows we have some debt but she has no idea how much we have,I have not told any friends because they all think I am really good with money and I am too ashamed to admit that I am rubbish at it.

IN_LIKE_EVERYONE_ELSE!

I would tell them all, if they were true friends they would understand.