can i ask please

gettingbetter

hi all

my mil died at 9pm last night
when fil died they bought a double plot
when i married into family (12 yrs ago) she was adament
she was to be buried
in the last 4 - 5 years she has been saying one min she wants
buried then saying she wants cremated
she was suffering senile dementure to the
extent she didnt know any of us

what does she want us to do with her
sorry that sounds nasty
kas xx

FrenchMaid_2

So sorry to hear about your loss!

I guess if they have a double plot the plan was initially to be buried and I think that you would probably have to not think about what she said once she had dementia. Does she have a will? We have in ours what we want to have done!

Counting_Pennies_2

Sorry to hear your news.

I would say do exactly as she had wished when she made the plans. You say she wasn't herself during the years she kept changing her mind. I think it is kinder on her memory and yourselves to do as she wished when in sounder mind.

My grandfather died recently and despite remarrying after his wife died very young, he has always wanted to be buried next to his first wife and that is what we will do.

Teapartymum

Im so sorry for your loss.

Sending you support vibes and you and your family are in my thoughts at this difficult time.

peachyprice

I think you should go with the burial that she said she wanted when she was 'herself' and that she had made arrangements for.

My Nan had a burial plot with her mother, when she died my mother and her sisters decided they would cremate her. I will never forgive them for this. If my Nan had wanted to be cremated she would not have bought a burial plot.

Edinburghlass_2

If she has a will it should be in the will as to her wishes regarding her funeral.

Errata

Sorry for your loss. The difficulty with burial grounds is that in time they can become vandalised, or even sold off.
Her will may state a wish to be buried but oddly enough that wish can be overturned by those responsible for arranging the funeral.

bumblebee87_2

i am so sorry for your loss x

belfastgirl23

It is a lot more straightforward for grieving relatives to visit the one grave for both parents. Even on this basis I'd say it's best to put her in there. But the fact that she purchased a double plot suggests that she definitely wanted to go in there at the time when she was in sound mind, and her expressed wishes also stated this. Unless you think any family members would object terribly I'd say bury her there....

And sending you good wishes to get you through this time - don't forget to look after yourself and your husband as well and take some time for yourselves too....

rach29

As others have mentioned it will certainly be worth checking if the will gives clear instructions. If not, and it's causing family friction, have you considered the option of cremation followed by burial of the ashes? It kind of fits in with both sets of wishes & may avoid family tensions at a difficult time.

Best wishes to you & your family at this time

tanith

So sorry for your loss ... just a thought but if you decided to have her cremated there is no reason why you cannot either bury the urn with her ashes or scatter them on the grave of her husband might be a compromise that fulfills her wish