Starting afresh in 2009 - I WILL be debt free diary!

Jenna

Well it's the New Year and I'm determined to start afresh!

A quick intro first of all - for those of you who don't know me - I'm 22 and living with my OH. We both work full-time and have debts - I've had my LBM (several times...!) and he, well, hasn't. This drives me crazy because (even though he's much better than when we met about money, bills, budgeting etc) he does owe me money. He is paying me back slowly but it's still kind of "as and when" rather than £x on X date without fail - if you see what I mean!

I haven't really made any specific resolutions for 2009 because there's so much I wanna do and some of it is rather conflicting e.g. working more OT is good because it pays off my debts faster but bad as it can mess with my health! Sooo ... just gonna have to take it one day at a time and see how I go and adjust the plan if necessary.

It's not that last year was really so bad (well not on the debt-busting front anyway) and I am ending the year with less debt than at the beginning of the year - and that's the first year in a while where I can say that! But 2008 was kind of a "slow but steady wins the race" kind of year and, although I did gradually reduce those figures a little, I still owe a sizeable amount and I'm still in the red. I want to be DF faster! :rotfl:

Being in debt is really depressing me (and more so than because of the obvious!) - it's because it's holding me back from so much that I want ... saving towards buying a house, running my own business (need savings so I can cut down on my hours at work & to be debt free first), travelling & seeing the world (must convince OH he wants to do this with me! lol), etc etc.

I just feel trapped in my job/life/everything right now and just like I'm on one long continuous treadmill of work/sleep/work/sleep and not really getting anywhere and it's been making me miserable! It's probably been quite a factor in how much I've been fighting with my OH lately as I'm extremely low on patience - with myself and everyone else!

My health is also in a bit of a mess* because of how stressed I've been getting lately. My job is a big factor in that as my to-do lists are never ending and the workload has increased hugely in recent months. I do have a review coming up so I've got to decide how to approach this subject with my manager.

* I am a master of understatement - so when I say my health is a bit of a mess then to understand that you'd have to know that I have Myalgic Encephalopathy (M.E.) and that I slept 15 hours last night and (having now been awake for 7 hours) I'm nodding off again. The sleep stuff isn't the only (or worst) symptom but it is a good indicator for me about my health - and it's bad enough now for me to know I shouldn't really be working at all, never mind going back into the office on the 5th Jan. And stress makes it worse. So I've got to raise this properly with my manager and maybe see if I can work from home for a bit or something. This ties into the money thing as if I get really sick I'll relapse and then not be able to work at all. As a contractor if I don't work I don't get paid so this could cause real problems as you might imagine!

My life is (on the whole) pretty good, but it hasn't always been that way, and I've certainly got some issues to deal with as a result of that. Last year I hit a really low point and started seeing a psych to try and work some of this stuff out. I can't say it's a magic solution but I'm hoping if I continue to go and work hard and talk about stuff and just feel how I feel (that's the real challenge!) then one day things will start to become easier.

This may not seem related to the money stuff (it is though!) so I'll keep it brief - seeing the psych is NOT a cheap process! I've had a subsidised rate til now but as from next week it'll be the full price of £50 p/session (£200 p/month). This is a really major thing getting in the way of reducing my debt as it's a massive bill for me to pay. I've considered taking a break for a few months and then starting to see her again once I've made a dent in the CC bill, but I'm really depressed at the moment about a lot of things, and I don't want to end up making myself even worse by stopping the sessions.

Due to the recommendations on the OldStyle board I looked into FlyLady and the methodology for keeping my house neat & clean. Surprisingly, it seems to be working so far (and I am NOT a motivated person when it comes to cleaning!). There's also some stuff on there about de-cluttering and I intend to work on that in my house this year. The way I see it is that if I can de-clutter just a few things and then eBay them then it will all bring my DFD just that little bit closer! I seem to remember there was a challenge someone did on the DFW board a little while ago to de-clutter ... I'll have a search and see if I can find the thread and [STRIKE]steal some ideas[/STRIKE] see how they got on!

Due mostly to being depressed (and also ill with a nasty cough/cold as well as the usual M.E. symptoms to deal with) I slipped off the wagon a teensy bit at Christmas and bought myself an iPhone. I do intend to use it for good though - all my paper based to-do's are going on there (this is no joke by the way - my desk, floor, drawers are over-flowing with projects I have in mind and papers I need to file! Plus MORE boxes in my Mum's garage that I never cleared out!). I will also sell my old handsets towards paying off my debt.

I had been intending to "cash in" my holiday days and use them to pay off my CC but I've been so sick I've had to take them as sick days instead. I'm still deciding whether it's wise for me to work a little tomorrow or just rest up all weekend so I can hopefully go back in on Monday! My only hope is that I might have under-spent on Christmas (I hope!) but this will be confirmed/denied when I do my budget on Saturday.

I'll also be doing my budget for 2009, SOA and a revised DFD so watch this space... also got to decide whether to use my savings to pay onto the CC. It's 0% til June but it's so easy to spend the money whilst it's just sitting there - e.g. on iPhones! :rotfl:

Anyway SORRY for rambling but needing a space to vent right now - can't talk to my OH just at the moment as we've been fighting so much and been too ill to go see my friends. I intend to use my iPhone to update my diary reguarly (as when I'm working I rarely find time to get online) so hopefully it will pay for itself as coming on here always keeps me on the straight and narrow.

Wishing you all a lovely & prosperous New Year & will update again soon :cool:

Jenna

And having just talked a lot about being positive etc it's now nearly 1am and I'm still awake and stressing out and feeling depressed. GRRR I am an idiot!

Oh and I KNOW this doesn't relate to money at all but the way am feeling right now I want to just walk out my front door right now and get on a plane to someplace else and never come back and just let everyone and everything else fall as it may... don't care about my damn job or the money or the house or even the people right now.

gailey_2

Ahh jenna we all get those days.
Had depression in past and think being in debt does add extra pressure stress tehrefore leading to depression.
Both me and oh worry and get down about debts and soem days its hard to stay positive.
Best thing to do 1st of all is take care of yourself
Usually bit of pampering cheers me up nice soak in bath with cheap wine and now home coloura nd straighten my hair to save money and then settle down with chocs to watch dvd cheers me up.
Another thing that makes me chuckle is the shopaholic series by sophie kinsella great books about 5 in series.
Its ard when in relationship you have differing attitudes to money.
Me and my oh have had dispute about him taking money off his mum and using his cc too much. My mates got it even worse with hers they complete opposites.
Your job sounds good just do have word with manager if getting too much.
Mayb go see gp for checkup too not sure if you on anti depressants at all or maybe could try alternative remedies.
The phyche sounds pricey I always thourght counselling wa sfree if recommneded by gp?

Remeber you doen well its positive to eb taking comtrol and you are slowly reducing debts and set targets and chalalnges to motovate you.

Sneezy

Hey just wanted to say good luck with this year, and hope you're feeling better soon!

p.s Gailey is right when she said that the Shopaholic series is brilliant - good thing to make you smile! The accidental mother is also brilliant

Jenna

Thanks for the replies both tis nice to know there's people out there giving a damn either way. Sad state of affairs when I can't even talk to my OH eh!

I'm trying to get into town in the next few days (health permitting) so I'll try the library for Sophie Kinsella & The Accidental Mother (any idea who it's by?). I like reading so will get myself a mug of hot choc & settle down - think this counts as pampering?! I also like baths but always get the pages wet. LOL!

Yeah if I'd known I'd never have lent him it but I was young and naive & thought everyone felt the same way about paying back debts e.g. you do it as quick as you can. As they say, you live & learn! I've thought of 'writing off' the debt as it's such a bone of contention between us but 1) it's quite a sizeable amount and 2) if I do, how will he ever learn?

It's definitely too much at work now - I've hit my limit. I'll try to talk to him (he's a nice guy) but I've had previous managers who were real !!!!!! & I guess I'm just scared of how he & my colleagues could react.

I'm considering going to see my doc to talk with him about the option of anti-deps. I'm in two minds about it - do I wait & ride it out & hope things get better soon, or seek help now? I took a type of anti-depressant that was also a sleeping tablet a few years ago for about 2 months but it just made me really numb & tired all the time. I guess there are other types out there though.

Counselling is free via the GP but you have to go to the therapists assigned to your doc's surgery. I've spoken with both of them and wouldn't feel comfortable talking "properly" about stuff with them. Both of the therapists are counsellors "only" e.g. not trained as psychiatrists. I am sure this works well for many people but it seems like I need something more ... I did go to see a counsellor at a charity for 14 months or so and it didn't help me at all. This psych is the first one I've seen that's making a difference and that I trust - so I'm reluctant to move therapists. I'd rather stop altogether for X months but then in the future start again with her than leave altogether if you see what I mean? But yeah you're right and it is very pricey.

Sneezy

Hi Jenna,

Of course we care (((HUGS)))

Make sure you go to bed soon for some much needed rest!
Reading def counts as pampering! The Accidental Mother is by Rowan Coleman, make sure you do lots of it to aid you in feeling better!

xx

Jenna

Aww thanks Sneezy! I'm lying in bed now just on my iPhone ... but yes will try to sleep soon.

As I said I've been looking at the FlyLady cleaning stuff and one of the main things seems to be working for 15 mins then resting for 15 mins (good for me as the M.E. destroys any idea of day-long cleaning marathons LOL!). I think reading might be the solution on what I can do for 15 mins at a time that's actually restful! Or perhaps that's just cause I'm happy to have any excuse to pick up a book

Okay well, that's enough from me for tonight. Gonna listen to some music & try to nod off.

Night all & thanks again xx

mancbird

Good luck for 2009 Jenna

fairydiamond

Just wanted to wish you good luck!:beer:

Jenna

Well as you can tell the sleeping thing isn't working too well :rolleyes: it's 05.54 and I'm exhausted but sooo wired I can't shut off.

On the down side the M.E. is really playing up (muscles and joints in my legs are aching, hands/arms sore ish but mostly bad fatigue, it feels like my modern keypad is a typewriter from the effort to tap things in, grr). Have got a bad headache despite drinking lots of water and my eyes ache. And I still can't sleep (that's the insomnia part) despite the fact that lately I'm sleeping for 12-15 hours once I (finally!) nod off. This sleeping for hours thing has the cool name of hypersomnia - wow, I can spell that at this time of the morning too! But it is the most irritating thing as now I'll miss most of tomorrow.

On the plus side (money wise) I've started the DLA forms to re-apply/extend my claim. At the moment my award runs out in March so I've really got to get moving on it and if I'm being brutally honest with myself my health is getting worse not better lately so I can't pretend I don't need it anymore. I think I need to get advice on filling the form out though - I will have a search online for tips - the last time I had to have a medical assessment from a DLA doc and I hated it so yeah I want to be very descriptive so they don't have to send someone out.

Right - gonna get yet another glass of water & try this sleeping lark again. Night (or morning?) xx

Jenna

See - told you this iPhone was going to help me keep this updated! It's a bit fiddly to type but perfect otherwise - here's hoping I get used to the keypad soon!

Eventually got some sleep & today I've been doing the FlyLady 15 mins work & rest by turns. This has worked well & my kitchen is pretty reasonable (thou NOT perfect lol!) ... but good considering my sink has sprung a leak and given my under-sink cupboard & floor an involuntary wash!

On the money front we're nearly agreed with the landlord on the rental amount for 2009. On the downside we have to pay a 'renewal fee' to the agency which is £80 - eek! So will have to find half of that as well as make up the pay I've lost being off sick this week. I know I can take it out of my CC savings but I really don't want to. Note to self: must come up with an ingenious plan!