Should I help someone with their debt?

*Vikki*

yea this is the dilemma i have from time to time with my parents.

tanith

Don't do it , from what you say she will just feel she has another £100 per month to fritter away on meals, clothes etc.... keep you money or save it and as the others have said point her in this direction... what you want to do for your mum is commendable but its not going to help her one bit...

adecor

Saying goes "A leopard never changes its spots" and this as harsh as it probably sounds is so often true. We all love or want to love our mum to bits, but it doesn't mean that you have to feel guilty if you don't offer an easy way out when you so easily can. Just because you are in a position to help doesn't necessarily mean that you should. At the end of the day you need to weigh everything up and come to your own decision - personally, I agree with the comments of saving it for "a rainy day" when her health or something else comes into play.

Fire_Fox

Jacks_xxx wrote: »

:hello: I think you should absolutely try to help her honey - but giving her money is not help - it's enabling.

Hit the nail on the head: overspending is an addiction like any other. Using your figures your mother has spent in the region of £200,000 on her 'habit' over the years and has lost her home. You would not purchase illegal drugs for your mother or get her drunk when you know she is driving. It's a desperately sad situation, and she must be a desperately sad woman, deep down. Money cannot buy her happiness, however much you want that to be so.

nbbradshaw

Jacks_xxx wrote: »

:hello: I think you should absolutely try to help her honey - but giving her money is not help - it's enabling.

If you have a spare £100 a month then save it. It may be in the future she'll have health or other needs that you would like to help with but handing it over to fuel her spending problem is not a great idea in my opinion.

Love Jacks xxx

Absolutely, spot on, couldn't have put it better myself!!!

If this had been a debt due to an unexpected event then that's a different matter but your mum's overspending has been a life long habit which only SHE can decide to change. Pointing her at this site and the tragic and difficult circumstances that some people find themselves in, may just create a 'light bulb' moment but I sadly think not.

On the bright side, at least you seem to be in control of your own life.:T

SamanthaA

dippenhall wrote: »

Hi,
I have a dilemma as to whether I should help my mother with her debts

She currently is living back with my Dad who pays for everything except the running costs of her car. Yet she now has about £25000 of debt again!

Any advice would be great!

Previous post about enabling is correct!
If anything help your dad, her ex, to try & feed her!

Leopards, spots; horses, water; I am sure you know them all!

savingholmes

Hi I agree - don't do it. this is our third time down the particular avenue of over-spending and this time I think we have finally learned our lesson with the help of this site etc. Giving her money will not "fix the problem". Counselling might help however to help her deal with the root cause of her spending? If you really want to spend your £100 - consider investing in cognitive behaviour type therapy for her... or try and get her on spendaholics!