MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Do you break the no Christmas present pact?

tomtombeanie

this has happened to me already this year. BIL said he was only buying for kids, so i said we would do the same. then he turned up last week with kids AND a present for me and another one for DH - a bottle of wine each (peeped in the bag!).

i was a bit annoyed because i then felt mean - even though he had suggested we not buy in the first place. so i wrapped up a bottle of wine we had in, along with a "spare" box of chocs that i bought weeks ago for an emergency present and they have gone down to my MIL's house for boxing day - we are giving all our presents to family then.

i suppose i did do this so i don't look mean, but even more than that i don't want to feel mean and for the sake of a couple of quid, i now don't. money wasn't the issue for me as it wasn't even my idea not to swap. so happy with the outcome, but will take BIL with a pinch of salt if he suggests anything next year!

scouseneil

Thank them, then take the gift somewhere quiet, change the gift tag. Then give them "their" christmas gift. That normaly stops it for next year.

Smiley_Black_Cat

I don't have much money myself so I feel under some pressure to compete with some of my better off friends. I don't buy them presents and if they broke the pact I would remind them of it and why it had been agreed in the first place. I wouldn't return the gesture by buying them a last minute present. However I might ask them why they had broken the pact - you never know they might just like me very much (!):EasterBun

Does anyone else hate this business of surprise pressies? The surprise is usually that I don't like them which is a shameful waste of money. I would rather give people a list of things that I would particularly like but probably wouldn't get round to buying for myself. As the list would comprise books, CDs, DVDs and the like I would still get the surprise but it would be a good one and I would be delighted. We do this for wedding presents, why not Christmas/birthdays etc?

Seasons greetings to all

Morporkian

Smiley_Black_Cat wrote: »

Does anyone else hate this business of surprise pressies? The surprise is usually that I don't like them which is a shameful waste of money. I would rather give people a list of things that I would particularly like but probably wouldn't get round to buying for myself. As the list would comprise books, CDs, DVDs and the like I would still get the surprise but it would be a good one and I would be delighted. We do this for wedding presents, why not Christmas/birthdays etc?

We do. Always have. We have always had Christmas/Birthday lists and they get given to the "co-ordinator" (Mum usually) and people then decide from that.
From friends though, I usually expect cute little gifts, or bath stuff (which I like because I adore baths) or sweets/chocs, which are ALWAYS welcome! Also, good friends will know the sort of thing you like and will either ask your partner/parent/whatever or remember something you have mentioned and get that

I think Im the type of friend who people wanna smack, because I enjoy buying gifts and wrapping them. It always seems like Ive spent/bought alot, but it is usually just little bits and 3for2's or BOGOFs, so hasnt really cost me a great deal. I dont mind whether I get anything back either - a thank you is fine. A card is always appreciated too.

For this dilema though, although Id feel bad for not getting them something, I wouldnt feel *that* bad. If we'd agreed on no presents, then Id stick to it.
As with many others, Id open the bottle then to share - or at a later date with a dinner or girlie night in or whatever

A.Jones

catalonia13 wrote: »

on a similar theme, what do you do when you find out 4 days before Christmas your close friend isn't buying presents this year...I've already brought (well, made actually) for her and would like to still give my present, am I going to make her feel bad if I do...?!

Still give it. It looks like you have put some thought and effort into this gift if you have made it (no thoughtless "token" gift here). Just tell hem a little white lie - that it is not expensive as it is home made (even if it was) or that you have made it in your spare time (and didn't stay up into the wee hours making it).

loveheartz_2

Not unless I saw something that I thought they'd love. The joy in giving is that they like what they get, not that you got them something better in some way than what they gave you. (Unless they've been doing it every year despite knowing that you have less disposable income than them, and you trick them into getting you something insignificant and get them a huge pres. Mwahaha...)

skintas_2

this year my dad and 2 brothers arent working, i bought them all few small items outta 99p store and got the kids to make them cards, cost me about£15 in total. i bought them shower gel, toothpasteetc useful stuff.told them not to worry about my kids, said if they wanna buy them anything get them a small pack of choclate buttons or a bag of fruit, told them the most important thing is all being together on xmas day

UKTigerlily

To me it should be up to each person whether they want to give presents or not, I don't see why pacts are needed, surely you don't give to recieve? If you really don't want to get presents as you feel bad at not buying back for the giver, why not suggest they make a donation to charity or sponsor an animal for you or something?

JuliaJolie

I would accept it, but share it. I'd make a joke and laugh about it, and ask where/why they got it, but it would be out of curiosity rather than grilling them about it. I'd offer to do something in return, like buy them a better birthday present when I had more money, or offer to give them a neck massage or cook a nice meal for them, or create some kind of art or something. My whole family were separated in England and Pakistan this year, and I was alone in the US. They knew I had no money to buy gifts, but sent me some money ("only if you use to buy presents for yourself"). I had an Amazon voucher (the Qype one), and used the entire thing to send gifts to my little brother, which was a nice surprise as he received three rather unique, rare Star Wars bits of memorabilia on Christmas Eve

JayD

I'd act very embarrassed and say I hadn't got them anything back cos that is what we had BOTH AGREED (note the emphasis). I'd try giving it back to them too but if that failed I'd insist we shared it.