Debt Management Plans???

SaneMoment

Hi

Am back...after getting OH to reveal the true extent of his debt its around £60K:eek: :eek: :eek: :mad: :mad:

He has not paid anything on them for over 9 months and has accumulated a small suitcase of red letters/payment demands/ and the phone calls are driving me/him nuts.

W hat I cannot understand is his hiding it away and adopting a "Were ok darling " attitude, whilst not paying these debt we have purchased a new TV and settee:eek: .

I posted originally with the intention of going BR in March 09 but after getting a clear and concise job description his HR department has said that if he goes BR and with his job type he would not be able to keep his job:eek: :eek: but DMPlans are acceptable but not IVAs or Bankruptcy and the HR oficer "kindly" inferred a personal DMP done by ourselves with the debtors and not through a DMP company Im assuming they meant someone like CCCS etc would be best.

So, I will be sorting this out this weekend, my roughish plan is to get him to contact all debtors to give me third party permission to discuss the debt situation and see what can be done, the couple I have spoken to have backed of when BR was threatened and have been a bit more approachable:o , its horrible talking about this but has to be done.

Im going to say to the debtors that I am sending an I&E form and a payment offer per month with the hope that they will freeze the interest and hopefully co-operate though I feel this might be wishful thinking:o .

All the debts are at the passed on to DCA stage but the 3 largest, Citi Financial, HFC/ Halifax are threatening further legal action I assume this is a court debt ie CCJ which I want to avoid.

I cant get my head round this but it has to be done and quickly before the situation gets further out of hand.

Im basing the Income on his basic wage of £1760 per cal month though he has some months where he works all the hours god sends and his wage can be as much as £2300.

We have no assetts to protect, just a car on HP and he needs this for his job.

I was informed yesterday that I am to be made redundant on Wed Xmas Eve fine bloody timing:mad: :mad: I will get about £3k redundancy money which I intend to pay off my debts and be debt free.

We are not married and I will get contribution based JSA for 26 weeks then nothing as I live with OH so want to get this sorted and make 2009 a clearer path.

I have thought very clearly about this situation since I last posted and had ideas verging from leaving him to hitting over the head with a spade and burying him under the patio if we had one:rotfl: :rotfl: but when all is said and done this is the "for richer or poorer" part of our partnership but by god debts a relationship breaker.

So could you help with some of the above, and do you think its viable?, Id prefer BR with an IPA and a probable BRO but he loves his job, is excellent at it and most of these debts he took on to get away from his wife years ago and with consolidation and whatever this is how he got into this mess alongside bailing out his high maintenance single parent daughter with 5 kids every month( another story ).

Am still hashing out the SOA which I will post soon, some imput would be greatly ppreciated.




A harassed and demented Sadie :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Sadie

So_Sad_Angel

Morning Sadie

Gosh girl you sound like you are on a mission!!! Sorry to hear about the redundancy but at least you can clear your debts.

You are absolutely right that you can set up a DMP yourself & you are doing a great job. When you have done your SOA ( slightly different for DMP to BR ) you may want to pop over to DFW board & let the guys have a look at it...they are fab !!

I have a link here to a DMP calculator...it works out the pro rata payments to each creditor based on surplus income so that you are sending the amount that your financial situation allows.

http://www.ned-cab.org.uk/debtselfhelp/budgetsheet_m.asp

Well done Hun,

Angexx

fermi

Just to add to what So Sad Angel says, there are some people doing their own DMPs on the Debt-Free Wannabe board.

rayday2 for example.

There is also the [URL="http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1360759]DMP Mutual Support Thread[/URL] (now on part 5).

It is doable.

SaneMoment

thank you SSA

that calaculator will take the hassle out of working out what % to pay people.

what area are you from Derbyshire?

this is sure gonna be one helluva sorting out experience, as he works in a finance related job hes played with fire, just wish he had discussed this with me six months ago then it would have been easier to sort out...not sure if this relationships going to last its frayed and full of angst, and on hindsight Im glad Im not marriedto him as if he has to go BR Id be jointly responsible for his debts....

what a blinkin mess...just had his bloody daughter on the phone saying her gas meters run out I told her to press the emergency button and to naff off . god didnt realise when I met him Id be having a money draining step daughter with 5 kids by 3 dads who dont contribute anything she expects grandad to bail her out every 12hrs and the stupid sod does, theres a big learning curve looming for this young lady, this is turning me into a right sour puss:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:.

Sadie

SaneMoment

Thank you for the link Fermi

I know this is doable, not sure if Ive the fight left in me to do it :rotfl: but we will, life in a DMP world clicked as from this morning first step is the sit down and talk to his daughter about the mess her dad is in and to get her to realise that there will be no more handouts, might ask her to lend me a tenner for once:D her reaction would be wonderful to watch :rotfl: :rotfl: .

Thank goodness for this forum, I can now understand the heartfelt thanks folk post on here stating how fantastic this board has been in there lives.

Right Step 1 to be accomplished off to step daughters posh 3 bed council house in a nice area ( she didnt half land on her feet when she got this tenancy) and sit on her leather couch and look at her plasma tv and sink up to my ankles in her posh woollen carpet ooh i do sound a right swine:rotfl: :rotfl: wonder how much he/we paid for all that oops must take a chill pill lol

Sadie

yellowmonkey

I can personally recommend the DMP support thread. Great bunch of guys and gals over there and Rayday is great

Good luck

ym

fiveyearplan

Hi SN - do let us know what the reaction of DSD (darling step-daughter!) was.

SaneMoment

hi FYP

We got to DSD`s where we entered the newly laminated hall and into her lovley woollen carpeted lounge and sat on her brown leather sofas and I couldnt help but notice her Plasma tv 42" at least and the matching surround system, and the kids Playstation3 Xbox and DS Lites and the kids came in to say hello, I was trying to tot up the cost of Nike trainers times 5 and went to the loo. S:D houldnt have gone, I went into kitchen, new range cooker and matching fridge/freezer microwave, kettle totally colour coordinated and new posh dishwasher ...all on Income Support for her and 5 kids:mad: :mad: :mad: I dont think so, more like Bank of Dad god was I seething.

She listened to her father outline his financial position and that hed have to stop being so generous with his handouts,she says "What about that loan youve guaranteed Ive had some letters about it" and hands him some paperwork which he hands to me. Default letters:eek: :eek: :eek: so he says "We will sort it out", like hell we will cause the Bank of Sadies bloody well closed, gosh am I so glad I have spent most of my redundancy money paying of my credit card and small amount of debt.

She then launched into a frenzy of woe is poor me, I cant cope, I dont get enough money to live on, and that her car will have to go..I thought what car???? One of the kids said that green Mazda MX5 out there, ehhh what!!!! I was speechless she has 5 kids and a 2 seater low slung MX5 and lives on Income Support in one ofthe nicest council houses in the area and Im working my guts out to keep me and him afloat financially and shes living the lifestyle of Lady Muck, well muggins has been made redundant from Xmas Eve so there little money arrangements ended there with my visit...shes in reality land and she was told in no uncertain terms what I thought of her and he got both barrels as well the stupid insipid man.

Ive not to darken her doors again, I wouldnt come between her and her father, wanna bet honey!!!:rotfl: I have my ways love and ones that dont involve anything underhand, there called his job and his bank balance and his future with me.

So ends a pretty fraught day with the OH now exposed in all his debt glory, now I know where his moneys gone, and on what,just so glad Im not linked to him by marriage, couldnt resist a poke by saying "Why is her TV 42" and ours only 30 something?" if looks could kill:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: .
I couldnt resist scraping my boots along her new floor in hallway before I left (!!!!! that I am:p )

Hes sulking/skulking in the front room watching our "small" TV and Im in the bedroom typing on the laptop, naffed off and sharpening the spade, god I wish we had a patio hed be under it now..

So when we have both calmed down we will talk in the morning or else its curtains mister as Im not taking the backseat anymore..I have somewhere I can move out to and the support of my sister and brother, they know everything as I needed someone to listen to me this afternoon, they have talked to him and luckily they like him and sympathise re his position but told him to keep talking to me and not bury his damned head in the sand.

So lets see what the morning brings...either a starting point or him in a cement overcoat, one way or another he will discuss it with me.

Sorry this is a long rant by a very disillusioned woman who has been looking at her world throught rose tinted glasses only to find it was a false life..:mad: :mad: :mad: but as Martin says No debt is beyond sorting , this might be the first one to not fit into that category only time will tell.

Ok Im off to finish off the half bottle of Baileys in the lounge and in the process throw him another dirty silent look:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Sadie x

hanvic

hi chucks

i just had to chuckle through all of this! what a wonderful post and you coming through the mirror of illusion into the real world in one piece. great.

not like that poor old lady of shallot who ended up floating up the river in a punt, looking good mind you in white dress and holding one red rose! even better on 42 inch plasma

all power to you and whether you decide to stay or go it will be your decision

we come into this world alone and leave it alone and along the way women especially begin to realise that at the end of the day the ONLY person you can trust and rely on is YOU GIRL

so go girl go into your new life based on what you decide is best for you

take care fondly

hanvic

SaneMoment

Good morning Hanvic

Theres been developements, step daughter threw a dickey fit, came to the house this morning , made a scene on the road outside, must check my birth certificate Im sure my mother DID put my fathers name on it. We have ended up with the green P reg Mazda MX5 back with the keys thrown at the window of his beloved car, she chipped the windscreen, oh what a

shame:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: and we were told he can keep the f:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: en "heap", turns out its his???? and was registered in his name, well well well, the things we learn.

Have had an open and very very frank discussion, he says he feels better now I know OUR!! true financial situation, ahem I amended that to YOUR financial situation sonny. Must say this relationships not what it once was I feel its been based on untruths and shifty goings on, and I have had my eyes opened wide BIG time.

So hes kind of agreed to a DMP, Id push for BR but his job would go,pity that, as a year on the dole would bring him back to the reality of life as it is for many at the moment. Hes been reading some of the posts on here, and reckons my comments re him and his daughter are biased, few swears words given in return to his word "biased" my !!!.

I dont know how hes got the brass neck to go into work Monday and make financial decisions on other folks plight, he says hes been hauled over the coals for being too lenient with some of the bank customers?? maybe its his guilty concience being played out when folks in similiar situations sit in front of him. maybe a hidden soft spot, dont think so this man has become a total stranger to me on the past 48 hrs, once the trust part of a relationships gone I reckon its hard to retrieve it back.

So to summarise, hes not under the patio yet, his pride has been dented, hes hyperventilating that his relationship with darling daughter is up the swanee:D :rolleyes: as if I care, and that the grandkids wont want to know him anymore. I said flash a couple of fivers they will want to know you, he said I have developed a cutting edge to my tongue and he wonders why, goodness what a self centered prat that:rolleyes: cement overcoat :rolleyes: looks more likley by the second.

Im wondering if said step daughter would like her financially inept daddy to live with her?? have chatted to our Landlord and hes fine about removing his name from the tenancy agreement and me having Housing Benefit till I find another job, this is becoming more tempting by the second I can tell you.

Ok am off to have my steak and chips, hes on his own foodwise he can sod off to his daughters and eat out of her well stocked freezer, Ive hidden the 2 sets of keys to the Mazda and am pleading the 5th as to where they are, might even persuade the potential ex OH to sign this car over to me:p , just tap into the guilt factor , manipulations the name of the game here, hes master of it , now lets see how he likes the other side of the coin.

And a glass of wine as well, Id bought SD a couple of bottles of good wine for Christmas, no chance now, might as well hit the back of my throat.

The old saying a lucky escape( thanks lovley lady:T who PMd me for that phrase ) is probably going to apply to this situation.

Sadie x

hanvic

hi

did a course a few years back that said relationships break down like metal fatigue, eventually the pieces never get back to the shape of how they once were and if events happen in quick succession then the bond just disintegrates and never gets back.

remember also that action can also be a distr-action and an illusion that we are doing something anything just so we dont have to face our own powerlessness and helplessness.

however when you face up to it you realise that you are not in a corner, you do have choices, your choices in your own best interests. cornered animals fight. the leopardess hunts alone and she is quiet and still.

big breaths (and i'm only 16! lol) keep saying calm calm calm. alcohol is not an answer. keep your bright brain clear and unfugged.

you are entering into a process and it will begin to unravel.

in my thoughts

hanvic