Single Parent Advice

Quietgirl

Hello there,

I am new to these boards and have been lurking for a while and have enjoyed reading them. I am just after information from other single parents that might be in the same boat as me.

To cut a long story short, I have a 4 year old child. Her father has had nothing to do with her at all, he and I were never in a relationship. I have not bothered him for anything until recently and we have always been on reasonable terms. Anyway, my family used to take care of my little girl when I go to work but due to illness in the family I have had to take on a child minder. I get tax credits and I work part time. I gave the father the option of paying as little as £40 a month to help us out, which he hasn't done. I also told him he could see her which he did not think was a good idea. He and I have always been in touch but he has always had some excuse as to why he could not help us out financially. Anyway I have taken him to the CSA which I feel guilty about, I mean he earns around £30,000 a year. He denied being her dad, refused a DNA test, now they are assuming parentage and have made an assesment by getting his payroll details from his employer. I am wondering what experiences others have had with irresponsible fathers and have they created a fuss and decided that they suddenly want to see the child when they have to pay?

black-saturn

My childrens dad has not seen either of them for about 4 years. Last time he saw them he threatened to kill them and left them in a field on their own in the rain to find their own way home. He earns about £20,000 per year and pays out £300 per month to the CSA. If I had the choice of not having the money I would as since he's been paying it I have had nothing but constant emails off him asking me when he is going to see them. They dont want to see him after what he did to them last time and who can blame them? He never bothered about them until he had to start forking out for them.

Philippa36

My ex husband last saw his two teenage children on Boxing Day, but only because my son rang him continuously to make arrangements. He has not seen his daughter for her birthday and has not spoken to her by telephone. He is supposed to pay £10 per fortnight in maintenance, I think the last payment went in 7 months ago. He changes his job so regularly that I don't think the CSA can keep up with him. The money really doesn't make much difference, it doesn't even cover their pocket money! What really annoys me is the fact that both my son and daughter want to have a relationship with him, ringing him and making plans yet he is totally unconcerned about them. I don't think it would make a difference to him if he paid or not - he has chosen not to keep in touch and he is the one that will lose out in the end.

black-saturn

Philippa36 wrote:

he has chosen not to keep in touch and he is the one that will lose out in the end.

Very good point. My ex thinks he can threaten to kill them and leave them in a field and then wonders why they dont want to see him anymore.

Scarlett1

Quietgirl wrote:

I have taken him to the CSA which I feel guilty about, I mean he earns around £30,000 a year. He denied being her dad, refused a DNA test, now they are assuming parentage and have made an assesment by getting his payroll details from his employer. I am wondering what experiences others have had with irresponsible fathers and have they created a fuss and decided that they suddenly want to see the child when they have to pay?

similar story to me, in the end I took my ex to the CSA and he now has a deduction order on his weekly wages, but still doesnt make an effort to see my daughter as he sometimes forgets my phone number