Stupid, stupid idiot.

System

I think I'm frightened of him TBH, because I know he can convince me that black is white.

You have to keep reminding yourself that black is not white. He owes you money. You didnt spend it, he did and he owes you the money he 'borrowed' from you.

I think your a wonderful, generous warmhearted person and i think he took advantage.

sashacat

Seems to me you've had 3 kids not 2, and probably for all the years you were married...I know the feeling ,I was the same.....but my grown up kids tell me what I am now telling you......he is NOT your responsibility...he is a grown man. He cannot make you feel guilty..only you can do that, or you can allow it to happen. I'd tell him you are going to ring/ write to his employer and his parents. And do it. If he pleads with you or accuses you of being mean etc...tell him it's up to him. He can avoid it.....repay the money. HE MUST START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS LIFE

skintchick

There are two issues:

1 - you are a kind and caring person who has helped someone out. tHis is a good thing and you should feel good about yourself for it.

2 - he owes you money. You need to decide IF you want to chase it, and if you do, HOW you will do it. You may decide to write it off. I was in a similar situation and in the end I write the money off after getting about half of it back because I didn;t want the hassle in my life any more.

If you want to chase it, you cane be nice about it, be hard about it, or take him to court. Only you can decide what it right for you. BUt good luck.

ceegee

Sorry, it's me again!

I'm in the throes of it right now. I've spoken to his parents and they will not bail him out of this one....I think it's one too many as far as they are concerned and I can't blame them. If I take him to Court, that is no guarantee whatsoever that I will get this money back. What can I do? It's not as if it was money that I had......he put it on the credit card and I used an overdraft to pay the credit card bill. I'm such a fool. I know now that I will never get it back. It will take me years to recoup this money at £10 scrimped one week and £10 the next. i'm sorry, but I feel distraught and so totally totally stupid for having allowed this to happen. What if I was to put it on the mortgage? It has seven years left to run and would be about £15 per month, I think. It would at least mean I wasn't overdrawn. Thank goodness that there is a massive amount of equity. Oh I know that my financial problem is as nothing compared to some peoples', but after a lifetime of never having been in debt, it is so distressing. I think what makes it worse is that what I did out of kindness and caring has now turned out to be the most stupid thing I have ever done.

There is no need for anyone to reply. I'm just punishing myself for my stupidity.

bank_of_slate

Hi ceegee.

You are very angry about the situation and you have EVERY right to be!

Have you contacted Payplan to see if you can come to an agreement with the creditors to free up some of your hard earned cash?

Have you given your ex the demand for payment in writing with a set date for him to start making repayments by?

The fact is, you need to stop punishing yourself for his stupid actions.
You can't change what has happened, the best way to control it and have your revenge is show him how you can sort this out and move on to be stronger than he could ever hope to be.
...Linda xx

No1Alicat

Don't EVER let your ex make you think this was your fault! He is a very small man, and took advantage. My ex used to mess with my head like that, and still tries to given an opportunity, and they just ain't worth it!
I totally agree with Bank_of_Slate_and_Nazi - the Small Claims Court will be able to help and I have no doubt that this will be the only way you will ever get this man to start taking responsibilty for some of thatmoney.
Hugs to you,
Alison
x

magentadreamer

Ceegee, if this was me I'd now be wanting to get even! He's had enough chance to come to repayment terms with you, you've been overly generous -not just with loaning the money in the first place but by giving him plenty of time to repay you. He's chosen not to. I honestly wouldn't go down the remortgage route as why should you spend years paying off HIS debt. If he doesn't pay perhaps a loan. BUT before you do that take him to small claims court. Once he gets the paper work he might realise that you can't be messed with any more. HE IS TO BLAME NOT YOU.

Rant over