UCAS personal statement advice

littlepinkstars44

ok so heres my personal statement, any advice would be great!

oops

TDQO

Looks pretty good except where you talk about your work experience I would add in some lines like:

" my strengths are organisation, leadership and timekeeping, I am a highly motivated individual who will work hard to achieve all goals I am set"

Not exactly that obviously but just to give a bit more about your personality and tell them that you want to work hard etc etc.

Oh and (nitpicking I know) I would change the "I have been told that I will be promoted" to something more like "... working in the store cafe at Morrison's. This position also has great responsibility and potential for quick promotion" just because it sounds a bit more professional.

It seems pretty good, I'm assuming you've used all of the advice that can be found on the web? If not give it a google as any little tweaks could improve your chances of getting an offer, especially if there is a high demand for your course. Also get it check by an english teacher or similar before you hand it in for grammar and spelling...

littlepinkstars44

TDQO wrote: »

Looks pretty good except where you talk about your work experience I would add in some lines like:

" my strengths are organisation, leadership and timekeeping, I am a highly motivated individual who will work hard to achieve all goals I am set"

Not exactly that obviously but just to give a bit more about your personality and tell them that you want to work hard etc etc.

Oh and (nitpicking I know) I would change the "I have been told that I will be promoted" to something more like "... working in the store cafe at Morrison's. This position also has great responsibility and potential for quick promotion" just because it sounds a bit more professional.

It seems pretty good, I'm assuming you've used all of the advice that can be found on the web? If not give it a google as any little tweaks could improve your chances of getting an offer, especially if there is a high demand for your course. Also get it check by an english teacher or similar before you hand it in for grammar and spelling...

thanks, i didn't even think of googling for help.
My course tutor i going to go over it before writing our refences, i don't think there are any English teachers at my college

juno

Please delete this. UCAS now uses plagiarism software to detect for similarities between statements, and you don't want anyone to copy yours since you'd get penalised too.

If you do want advice on this then I suggest you post in the PS Helping forum on TSR. That's a private forum, so no one else will be able to see it and steal it.

TDQO

There must be one...somewhere! Or just a teacher whose degree is english... anyone could do it really as long as they have a very good grasp of grammar etc. I'm an engineer so not fantastic at that kind ofthing.

littlepinkstars44

thanks everyone, have just sent it off!

Mike1989

Good luck, I can remember writing mine. Bloody hell it went through five or six drafts before I got it right. Then again I was having to balance it between computing and history. That was a right laugh, as I had to appeal to both courses I was applying to. But I got offers from every institute I applied for. But good luck.

Oldernotwiser

Mike1989 wrote: »

Then again I was having to balance it between computing and history. That was a right laugh, as I had to appeal to both courses I was applying to.

Now that sounds like a real achievement!