Excluded from Will

sloughflint

pinkshoes wrote: »

If money means more to you than the risk of upsetting your family and causing a conflict, that's fair enough.

Pinkshoes, you are reading far more to my posts than there is. No need to be unpleasant.

I was looking at the practicalities.Solicitors do not come cheap.

If Op casually mentions a Will and then mother and uncle don't find anything, dead end other than option given in post 2 if Op feels strongly enough to do this.
If Op details the exact conversation with Nan and seeing some sort of document ( a copy or original?), it's less of a dead end.

melancholly

sloughflint wrote: »

Pinkshoes, you are reading far more to my posts than there is. No need to be unpleasant.

I was looking at the practicalities ie try to save money.

i don't think pinkshoes was being unpleasant - just realistic! these situations get ugly so so quickly and often it's a trade off between how much upset it will cause and whether it's worth it.... only the individual involved can make that decision knowing their family.

you see going in with solicitors and saying someone thinks they're owed money as open and honest whereas others might see it as going in and demanding money (and effectively accusing other relatives of stealing someone else's share). i have to say that i'd try the softly softly approach first - it's not game playing in my eyes, it's just attempting to reach a resolution without upsetting people. there's plenty of time for causing family feuds after that!

pinkshoes

I wasn't being unpleasent, just don't see the point of causing unnecessary family conflict at such a sad time.

I didn't mention solicitors, and suggested NOT using them due to cost!

I just think it's best for the OP to perhaps tactfully mention that (s)he was quite sure that grandmother had a will, and that would it be possible to have a look for it, just incase she had other plans for the money i.e. leaving money to a charity, or her neighbour/carer/cat/random homeless man in the street etc...

If the OP starts by saying "Grandmother had a will, I know because I saw it, and I was listed in it", then it will almost certainly be taken the wrong way and cause unnecessary friction.

It's imperative to use tact in these situations, as people are often over sensitive after a death, so it's really not worth rocking the boat.

sloughflint

pinkshoes wrote: »

I wasn't being unpleasent,

Suggesting that I might value money more than family was inappropriate and a tactless way of putting your point across;).
Then again looking back at my use of the words 'game playing' ,that was also open to misinterpretation on a forum.

pinkshoes wrote: »

It's imperative to use tact in these situations

That we do agree on.Tact is imperative.Most certainly not like this:

pinkshoes wrote: »

"Grandmother had a will, I know because I saw it, and I was listed in it"

Honesty doesn't exclude tact. That conversation with Nan is nothing to be ashamed of. It was probably a lovely one and one to be treasured by the OP whatever the outcome.

Nicki

The plain fact is that there either is a will or there isn't. If there is a will, then this is because OP's grandmother wanted her estate dealt with in a particular way, and so the estate should be dealt with in that way. It isn't about OP being money-grabbing or disrespectful to her family, and it is frankly disgraceful to suggest that this is the case. It is about honouring the wishes of the dead woman.

OP has said she does not want to upset her family by mentioning this if it is a red herring. I read this as meaning not that OP thought her mum and uncle knew there was a will and were suppressing it, but that they had not found one, and were therefore assuming she had died intestate. I personally don't think its unreasonable for OP to investigate privately whether there is a will or not. If it turns out that there is a will, held by a local solicitor, all OP has to do is to tell them grandmother is dead, and they will write to the executors of the will, and tell them that they are holding the original. It doesn't have to be a nasty family situation at all, and in fact OP could stay out of it and it need never come to light that she instigated the search. If it turns out that there is no will, then family know nothing about the query and no one is hurt.

As for costs, this is to be discussed with the solicitor you approach, but shouldn't be huge. It is basically the cost of writing one letter (copied to however many solicitors there are in the area). The time spent on this will be small, and most solicitors use a free postal service amongst themselves (DX). An ad would be more expensive but OP could decide whether to go down that route if a local canvas failed. I honestly couldn't see the costs topping £100 just for the initial inquiry, and that's probably a price well worth paying for peace of mind (and if there is a will would be deducted from the estate anyway, so wouldn't come out of OP's pocket).

melancholly

Nicki wrote: »

The plain fact is that there either is a will or there isn't. If there is a will, then this is because OP's grandmother wanted her estate dealt with in a particular way, and so the estate should be dealt with in that way. It isn't about OP being money-grabbing or disrespectful to her family, and it is frankly disgraceful to suggest that this is the case. It is about honouring the wishes of the dead woman.

no-one is suggesting that the OP is money-grabbing - just to be careful about how to go about bringing it up to make sure that no other family members get the wrong end of the stick..... that's the whole point! everyone has been posting about how to go about it to avoid friction *sigh*

Nicki

melancholly wrote: »

no-one is suggesting that the OP is money-grabbing - just to be careful about how to go about bringing it up to make sure that no other family members get the wrong end of the stick..... that's the whole point! everyone has been posting about how to go about it to avoid friction *sigh*

pinkshoes wrote: »

If money means more to you than the risk of upsetting your family and causing a conflict, that's fair enough.

Oh, OK then. I must have got hold of the wrong end of the stick :rolleyes:

melancholly

that post wasn't at the OP, it was at sloughflint suggesting that the first thing to do is get a solicitor involved! (unless i've mis-read it too!)

rustyg

Thank you all very much for your helpful comments. To clarify a few points:

1) I do believe there was a will about 10 years ago because I think my Grandmother and I found it when we were doing a "spring-clean". I think we read through it together and then replaced it in a cupboard from which it has since vanished.

2) I can't remember much about the contents but I think it went into some detail about how to divide up the estate, belongings and cash in bank accounts between the four descendents.

3) I suspect, but cannot currently prove, that my mother removed the will and either still has it in her possession, or has since destroyed it. She would have the most to gain from this because she would not want her 50% to be divided between herself, my sister and me.

4) None of us really "need" the money so desperately as we are all reasonably comfortable financially.

5) I would describe our family relationship as "okay" or "average". We are not particularly close-knit but don't have blazing rows either. I obviously don't want to upset the apple-cart by making unfounded accusations.

So, I'm torn between pursuing this matter and letting things rest as they are. Perhaps the will never existed or got cancelled after I saw it. But, if I don't investigate, I'll always have this nagging doubt in my mind about what I saw (or didn't see) all those years ago.

Mojisola

rustyg wrote: »

3) I suspect, but cannot currently prove, that my mother removed the will and either still has it in her possession, or has since destroyed it.

This is the problem with keeping a will at home. This has happened in our family, too, where the intestacy rules gave the person concerned more than the will.