and so it begins...

crystal_fire

My other half proposed in october and we decided that instead of a long engagement we'd get married July next year.

My dad told me that he would pay for the venue, reception and evening do but my OH has insisted on paying half.

i emailed 4 hotels but i had preferences my first choice had a day available that i wanted so my dad said he'd look into putting down the deposit, However my brothers girlfriend of 18 years was at the house one night and they were discussing it and she said it would be too far for everyone to travel and pay taxi's for, my dad ended up agreeing and i had to change the venue to my 2nd preferance and a friday instead of saturday.

I have now picked the date got the registra and my dad has put down the deposit.

Last night my dad called and we got on to the wedding topic. we decided that for the ceremony it would be close family and friends 20 for me and 20 for OH. He said have you got your guest list and i said yes and proceded to ryhme them off.
As i did i got "she's not coming" "they're not coming" "They can come to the evening do" "it's close family and friends" "i'm not paying for them a free meal"
"dont forget to include aunty x with her OH and daughter"

I argued that
1) have invited close family and friends, since me and OH moved only a handful of people have stayed intouch with me on a regular basis and they are the people i want there, some of these people have been in my life for 8 or so years

2) I dont want my mums side of the family there as they are trouble they cant go to a function without someone kicking off the last 3 family do's i was invited to i was sat on a table on my own, slagged off for being fat by my mum's mum cos she thought i was out of ear shot and ignored by my cousins.
The only one cousin who i like is being a bridesmaid

3) Aunty X was invited to the evening do by my dad which i bit my tongue over, now it seems he's forgotten this and put her in the reception so has told me i have to get rid of 3 people from my list.

What do i do? do i bite my tongue again to keep him happy or risk a big falling out by putting my foot down?


my head hurts.

blonde36er

In your position I would put my foot down. It's your wedding.

You're already moved from the venue you wanted and the date you wanted, and even that is more than I would have changed to suit other people.

You are paying half the cost, so if you haven't had the final say on when and where, then you can have the final say on who.

x

ema_o

I think you should put your foot down. You've already compromised on the venue and it is your wedding, surely having the people that matter there is what it is all about?!
If it really will cause a big family fallout could you afford to pay for the extra 3 you really want there?

SmlSave

Poor crystal! (((hugs))) to you.

Do you really think that reminding them that its your day will cause arguments?

Its hard to advise what to do as we don't how your family reacts but I know my friend ended up getting married abroad, just her and her husband, after family and finances started to make life difficult. They don't regret it at all!

When my mum got married, family paid for it and therefore ditacted what they had and who was invited, she didn't enjoy her wedding at all.

I think what I'm saying is, like everyone else, it's your day. Don't let anyone arrange it any way other than you and your OH would like.

You can either thank your dad again for his financial help and your more than happy to discuss what he'll pay for but you'd rather he not get too involved in the planning.

OR tell him the truth - you're worried that things are getting away from you and can you all sit down and have a chat?

hope this helps

Mely

Yep...put your foot down,its your day! Enjoy it xxxx

bumblebee87_2

put your foot down, its your day, your rules.

Timmne

Pay for it yourself if you want to say what happens. Sounds frank but look at it from his side - he's paying for half but doesn't get to contribute?

With our wedding it was a clear message to our parents that we'd do what we wanted and although we'd be over the moon with anything contributed by them, we wouldn't change our plans. We did let them invite a couple of close friends for example and a couple of other bits but they knew their place, as did we ours!

floss2

Why not sit down with your dad, your OH & his parents, and work out a fair balance of guests? You could start it by saying "thanks dad, but we'd like to invite x but not y so we need to agree compromises".

Otherwise, you may have to trim your plans (and guest list) according to what you & your OH can afford.

Horace

Crystal - I have every sympathy with you. I think that you have accommodated your family's wishes by changing the venue and the date and that should be sufficient interference from them. Tell them straight who you want at the reception and you want to come to the evening do, it is your day after all.

I would sit down with both sets of parents and lay down some ground rules - you could always say that if they don't agree that you and H2B will go off and get married somewhere else without any of them. Don't forget to thank your dad for paying the deposit though but you do need to stress that you will plan your wedding.

Good luck.

daleigha

Crystal,

Congratulations on your engagement, and sorry that it has started getting out of control so quickly!! :eek:

i would put my foot down, and if you can afford it, tell your dad that you will pay for the other half - that was you wont feel obliged to allow him to have his way. we had a bit of a similair situation where OH's parents wanted all sorts of people to come to what is going to be a very small wedding, and we just said no, but as we were paying, and they were contributing to a few things, we were in charge.

and its not always about the money - they were happy to pay for the additional people, but i just didnt want to have a big wedding!!

its your day, be strong and do what you and your OH want to do!

xxx

blonde36er

Timmne wrote: »

Pay for it yourself if you want to say what happens. Sounds frank but look at it from his side - he's paying for half but doesn't get to contribute?

He's already had the final say so on the date and venue - fair enough as he is stumping up half the cash, but as the bride and groom are also paying they are also entitled to their say - I think that is the point of many of the posters here x