Help needed to convert spouse into MSE

Pegleg2001

Hi,

Help Needed:

I have optimised our expenses so there is nothing really left to do (thanks to MSE for all techniques). Before I spend anything I make sure it is a) needed and b) bought at the best price poss.

The items my wife controls include groceries, clothes (for her a 2 x kids) and household items. Try as I might I cannot get her to control spending without it resulting in a row.

I have tried the 'soft' approaches you have seen (like last night's BBC3 Spendaholics tv show). Also, she gets glassy eyed when reveiwing budgets.

Anyone any advise or experience of converting a partner? I would like to avoid separate accounts etc etc. I want to foster a team approach and this may be too antagonistic.

Thx.

overdrawn

hi . i know you don't want seperate accounts but would it help to have a "housekeeping account " with money for food,clothes ,etc but only an agreed weekly or monthly amount goes in there and once it's gone it's gone???
hope this helps,
louise

roswell

Well said Overdrawn, just last night i setup a DD to a seperate account and got a card holder added this way my other half can have all the money for bills / shopping but when its gone its gone :-)

System

My husband and i have been married for nearly 21 years and only had a joint bank account for a few months. Then it was forced on us because he was working away for weeks on end and needed me to check his wages had been paid in once a week and draw money out to live. We did nothing but argue over every penny, we argued over every transaction. So we comprimised. He gave me the money to pay the bills plus a bit extra and also gave me a generous shopping allowance. Out of that i pay all the food bills.

When we applied for tax credits 6 months ago, i also had that paid into my bank account too which goes to pay for the family's needs. Clothes, bus fares to school, trip money, etc.

Now hes happy that i dont keep asking him for money, and i dont feel hard done by.

The best of it is, now the household finances are under my control, i can cut corners, economise here and there and enjoy saving out of whats left. This is what i class as our 'rainy day' money.

Alleycat

It really is a tricky one this and seems to be quite common, where one partner is really geared up and the other just doesn't seem to care or be interested. Although not as bad as this, my partner isn't overly interested in the technical bits. He does take an activeish interest in making sure we are as financially secure as we can be (tricky with debts and no savings, but at least we are not defaulting anymore). I even caught him eyeing up the reduced shelves in the chilled section of the supermarket yesterday!!

When I first started visiting MSE and learnt all the tips to reducing spending, I drew up a spreadsheet. I did this in consultation with OH, well he sat on the sofa watching tv and I kept a running commentary of what I was doing!! I then input all our outgoings and our incomings, before tackling the issue of housekeeping, personal spends etc. Before we just used to spend as and when, but this way we now have our set allowances each (the same amount), money goes into a grocery account, bill money into bill account and surplus into another account for all those additional things you may or may not need i.e. recently having to buy a new carseat for dd. We discussed what we thought were appropriate amounts and I think it helped him to feel included and I was just being the bossy missus.

I think if you can try and include your partner in the decision making process as much as possible when agreeing budgets for food, clothes etc even if you feel it may be set a little high she will hopefully come round. You should also be jointly responsible for all aspects of your household finances, groceries, utility bills etc. Ask her if she can check the electric and gas meters when she isn't busy so you can get an accurate reading for bills etc, whilst going shopping together and spotting bargains which she may have missed. This will all encourage you both to work as a team in reducing your spending and she won't feel like all this is being forced on her. It can be quite daunting at times!!

freebie_junkie

oh i wish i could get my fella to stop buying marvel figures and heroclix i worked out one box of these silly little figures has cost him about £800! :P

Pegleg2001

Thanks to all.

I think we have agreed to try the defined account for household stuff. The December CC bill came today and even my wife's eyes popped out.

overdrawn

hi,
glad you are working things out.
all the best,
louise

HappySad

There must have been a reason you started with MSEer. You were in debt. You could not afford things or you wanted to save for something or you did not wanted to be ripped off or you wanted better quality products but could not afford them.

Well you can show your partner that by buying smartly you can put the money saved from something else.. like a dinner out together of for that reason you became a MSEer. Or the money saved goes towards a better holiday. I feel if your partner can see your family is gaining from the money saving then this will help. If you first show her how she can get more for your money without cutting back in anyway on lifestyle (Martin Lewis does this first on his program) then this is a good first step. Open a saving account and put all the money saved in there and plan to save if for something you would not normally be able to afford. Once she gets into the swing of things then you can then look at cutting back on the unneccesaries.

I cut back on my spending on one area to get better quality stuff in another area. I also don't like being ripped off.