Have I done the right thing?

EmiliaAndBentley_2

guys really need a vent and advice on what I have done this weekend

Well me and my other half had been together on/off past 2 years
We have a 4 month old son
Anyway as my now ex lives in birmingham and me in plymouth his original home town we see each other everuy other weekend or so
my ex left me when i was 7 months pregnant for a girl who had always tried to get with him...when i gave birth he was the happiest man ever and they did split up however he asked me to be with him again,that he did love me so much and he didnt know what to do or why he done it etc and i said we will see as i did not want to take him back so easily after everythin he had done...fast forward we were getting on well again and i decided to bring matters up to which he was like i dont know if im with you i wont have no life i'll be trapped in a relationship i dont wanna trapped in a relationship...to which i thought weird perhaps i have been abit to much...that was about 3 months ago and since then i had heard rumours that he had another girl as his other half (who lived up there) whom he had met online when i asked him about it he just shrugged and said shes a friend i talk to online nothing more...past month was really good but i couldnt help thinking i want more commitment anyway minor arguement thursday night as im sure he had been texting someone (no guesses who) and had found out after splitting up with his other one he had got in contact and arranged to see her at new years ( he originally made plans to spend it with us and i wondered why he was being funny and we will see kinda tone)
Anyway i thought it would blow over come friday it was my birthday he could not say happy birthday sat texting all day then went off to meet his brother for 4 hours while i was bored at home he then came home and we went out ...with the money he had to buy/treat me that day £20(he doesnt have a job and his parents or i provided for him) he paid for my bus fare (£3) even treating himself to a fosters with his last £4...not even a coke like i had wanted...then we went to nandos and as i sat down to eat he decided to tell me he was gettin £10 from his mum to spend on beers for his bday the next day and he was gonna go off and spend it alone at that point i told him i had lost my appitite and wanted to go home...on the way home we missed the bus and he decided to walk about 1/2 mile ahead of me in the freexing dark and cold my best friend and her boyrfriend stopped to pick me up and then him...
We got home and he decided he was leaving and asked my bff bf to drop him to his mum friend house...i asked him what had i done wrong to which in the end he started shouting at me in the street that it was because i said he made me sick and didnt wanna b in the same room as him the night before then expected him to celebrate my birthday as normal...which i suppose was wrong but then he didnt know what i was so mad about

anyway i decided in front of him i would ring this so called friend...who turned out to be another girlfriend who had no clue about me n his son.
I then asked what was he playing at being with me and sleeping with me just the day before to which he replied i told you not to!?!?!? at that point i dont know what came over me i gave him the hardest slap of his life scared me too lol!
I also said alot of things i do regret But i couldnt stick it any longer .and he even texting me that night alot of horrible things that really could not have annoyed me more.
I have since had contact with him and his mum but i told him i need space to sort myself out and i wont have nonsense of him being a family when he wants to be and a single young care free man in his time
Im not saying hes all bad because when he was good we was better than anything but how many of you could go on knowing that when he feels like it he has another girl and is spending all his love and time on her?
I guess thinking of the good times is a bad thing as hes done this before and no! my feeling wont go over night but i cant change him or let him see it the way i see it nor can i force him to be with me and stop him doing things
I guess i just want some wise words of wisdom to make me feel a bit better as to what has happeened lol

abbecer

You and your child will be better off on your own!!! He sounds like a prize willy head!! Make the break now before your child is old enough to really realise what is going on.

Rebecca x

Sami_Bee

It sounds to me like he is incapable of being in a real relationship at the moment, your better off being strong and not sleeping with him anymore. maybe in a year or so he will grow up and realise that he wants to be with you. think of your child and be strong allow him to see the child and be civil but resist his "charms" or you'll just end up getting hurt. You deserve better!
on a side note i hope your using condoms as if he sleeps around he could have anything.

yoni_one

Just read back what you have written, your answers lie therein.

The fastest and most effective way to mess with someone's head is to show them a fantastic time, then treat them mean, then dangle the memory of how good it could be again if they just put up and shut up.

You don't need words of wisdom, I suspect you wised up to him in your head long ago, you just need your emotions to catch up.

Emmzi

Try being on your own - no cvonatct with him at all - for 3 months. Or 2 months if that's too hard. A month, even. Change your phione number to make this happen. Delete his details from your phone. Then see how you feel at the end of it.

I'm guessing stronger, more able to rely on yourself, more confident you can get by better on your own.

Does his mum want to see her grandchild? Is there a way for that to happen, without involving him? Grannies can be a great strength if they are the right ones. She'll know deep down exactly how badly her son is behaving.

myaccount08

It definitely doesn't sound like a relationship worth fighting for at this time. However, that does not mean he cannot provide for your baby and be a father. You have to seperate the two issues here. Your child deserves a father, this guy may be a completely useless boyfriend, but he can still be a good dad. If so, you cannot punish your child because of your own emotions. You childs needs come first. Did you ever think the reason he is still seeing you is because he wants to be apart of his childs life, and maybe he was unsure of how to go about it? He certainly sounds like he can't figure out what he wants or how to go about it. Perhaps some time apart will help him clarify things.

Are you on good terms with his mum? It would be good if for now you can just have her spend time with your son (you deserve the support & help), and when baby gets older he can spend time at granny's and your ex can stay over and bond and look after him during that time. That way you do not have to see him AT ALL. As he is not working he should have plenty of time for your child.

Set some firm boundaries and stick to them, for your son's sake.

jay11_2

If my other half had ever, even once, gone off with someone else that would have been the end for me. No one deserves to feel second best, and no man or woman is worth the heart wrenching feeling of wondering 'if he'll choose me or him/her'. We all deserve someone who loves us wholeheartedly, and who we can trust completley.

He's treating you like a piece of rubbish, to be disrespected, mistreated, and picked up/dropped/replaced, as he sees fit. No wonder you slapped him, you should have booted him out the door and your life forever at the same time.

Let him have a relationship with his son and find yourself someone who treats you with love and respect.

EmiliaAndBentley_2

thanks for the replies guys i know things will get better and i will find that someone who can give me everything he didnt (alot lol)
Im just going through the early days or where my heart is trying to over ride my head but not anymore! i have to be strong forn the sake of our son and I know if my other half was worth anything i wouldn't be sitting here going through this and i guess on that i have been going strong

mrcow

So it's a relationship filled with lies, cheating, arguments and violence.

Erm.......get your son away from this now! You're a parent now, this is not the way to carry on. You need to make the break and forget about this loser.

lowis

forget him, move on and someone will come along who respects you and treats you properly. don't just stay with him because you are afraid no-one else will want to be with you. he sounds like an immature idiot.

and don't forget to make him pay towards the upkeep of your child through the CSA - that way you won't have to deal with him directly on the thorny issue of money.