Christmas - nightmare!!

sylphraven

Your sister shouldnt make you choose, but as she is...... could you not tell your sister that though you appreciate the invitation you want to spend christmas with you OH, just the way she wants to spend christmas with her OH, & as he's not invited you arent going to be able to make dinner. If you want to keep everyone happy(ish) (not always the easiest or right option) you could say you will pop up in the morning/afternoon to spend a couple of hours with the family.

shellsuit

Oh Stacie it is you, there's no need to user another ID hun, but no wonder your parents don't want him there, I wouldn't either if you were my child.

I've just looked some previous posts, but what nailed it for me apart from all the other similar circumstances, is that stacies bday is down as christmas day on the profile.

I don't know what to suggest, I didn't know you were back with him x

wannabe_sybil

Would just like to say that everyone has to walk their own journey. If this is stacie then, yes, the whole country echoed with heads being banged against walls when it was let out that she was back.

However wouldn't it be far, far worse if she felt she could not come on here and get support, no matter how silly or mistaken she had been. She may even be right! I personally do not believe that but we must surely allow people who need help to post on here without being deafened by a chorus of 'I told you so'.

Penpop - who is more likely to force you to do one thing or the other? Spend Christmas with those who are not trying to manipulate you into something. Also, men do come and go but you always have your family. If he loves you he will understand that you want special time with your family as he has so much of you the rest of the time.

I do hope that helps.

AnnieM_3

Penpop - you haven't said why your parents and sister aren't happy about you moving back in, or him attending christmas dinner at your sister's house. Is there something that makes them think it wouldn't be in your best interests?

Seriously, if it is you, Stacie, you don't have to hide your identity from us! We're all here to support you! I hope you read what I put about making sure the counsellor knows there has been violence involved, so that your OH/ex can get proper help.

AnnieM x

Idiophreak

We had something like this in our family. My uncle made it clear that his brother's partner wasn't welcome one christmas, so in the end his brother decided to stay with her. My uncle (and the rest of the family) then decided that he chose her over him and basically cut him off...and it remains that way several years later.

Personally, I'd think about going round for the meal, or whatever, not eating much, then making a point of leaving early to have another meal at home with your partner - try and do both. Your partner should understand you wanting to spend time with your family and shouldn't try to make a fuss about it.

Try to think of yourself as an island, with bridges connecting you to your family, on a nearly island and to your partner, on a third island.

Now, ultimately, you want to move the partner onto the same island as your family, so you only need the one bridge...That takes time, though...so in the meantime, it's all about *not burning your bridges*.

Try and do your best to keep everyone happy with the arrangement, the more your family are happy, the more likely they'll be to listen to reason about your partner and vice versa.

belfastgirl23

Hi Stacie, sorry but your voice is so clear in your posts it's really hard to pretend it's someone else

I think if you're afraid to tell your OH that you're going to christmas dinner without him then this is something you need to think about. Perhaps it's an issue to take to counselling??

And do keep posting ....

arthur_dent_2

If it is Stacie which I also feel it is, then just go to your sisters without him and if he doesn't understand then so be it.

On the off chance that it isn't, there must be a very good reason why your family don't want him at your shristmas celebrations and a reason that you argued. Have a long hard think about your future and what you want from life. Try and do this from a non emotional 3rd person point of view.

Money_maker

I followed the post with Stacie but whether you are or aren't you should be able to talk to your oh about your dilemma and he should, without prompting, suggest you have the dinner and a couple of hours at your sisters - particularly as you would have been back living with him since 20th.

Don't forget that Christmas is a very stressful time in many families and can cause arguments and so forth - could you not perhaps postpone moving in until the new year?

As arthur dent said, there must be a very valid reason why so many of your family do not like him. Do not alienate yourself from those who really care.

As a footnote, take an hour or two to read some of the other posts on this forum which are full of despair and regret. Most posters take the advice given by others and cautiously free themselves of their problems. These are the happy ever afters.

Good luck in your decision and have a lovely peaceful Christmas whatever you decide.

Penpop

Thank you for all your replies. I just wanted to say in response to belfastgirl its not what he will think im worried about, I just didnt know what to do. But I have now picked that I only have one family so I better make the most of it, im going to my sisters for dinner, I will then spend the rest of the day with OH thanks x

Stephb1986_2

What's more important your family or your fella which your going through a rough patch with?

I know which i'd choose and its not my fella hun

Steph xx