Can I hide my secret?

BRIGHTHOPE

I've lived with my partner for a couple of years now, and she has no knowledge of the problems that I have with credit card debt. It's now got to the stage where I'm going to have to make offers to those credit card companies because I'm no longer able to meet the minimum payments. Her finances are spot on and she owns the house that we live in. If I go down thiis route then clearly this will reflect badly on my credit rating - but more importantly, it will probably affect hers. Can anyone who's had a similar experience pse advise me how my problems might end up affecting her in terms of her credit worthiness.

*Louise*

Please..DO NOT try and keep it a secret!!

Any bad credit you have at your joint address will affect her as well.

You have to come clean and work togther to sort it out before things go too far.

mike55_2

BRIGHTHOPE wrote:

I've lived with my partner for a couple of years now, and she has no knowledge of the problems that I have with credit card debt. It's now got to the stage where I'm going to have to make offers to those credit card companies because I'm no longer able to meet the minimum payments. Her finances are spot on and she owns the house that we live in. If I go down thiis route then clearly this will reflect badly on my credit rating - but more importantly, it will probably affect hers. Can anyone who's had a similar experience pse advise me how my problems might end up affecting her in terms of her credit worthiness.

i haven't, but one of my kids have. and it could have affected her livelihood, everything she'd trained for at university etc.

she lived with him without knowing how skint he was, and subsquently fell out with him when his absurd spending habits came to light. they split not because he was in debt that was affecting her credit rating, but because he'd concealed the fact. they're back together now, but not until after a lot of the lies came to light, and a lot of talking went on.

he loved her and she loved him, but for a while she didn't like him because of the deceit. neither did we, as a family.

you have to communicate or you can't go forward. thats just my opinion as i saw things. but its better to be honest about everything than live with a lie thats worrying you.

citygal

I know how difficult it must be for you- sleepless nights, always anxious.....Just be honest It's the best way. The more you leave it the more difficult it will be. You also have to realise that it'll be like a weight off your shoulders! Good luck and let us know how you do

make_life_easier

If you continue to keep it a secret it will damage your relationship as she will probably think she is worthy enough to trust and confide in. If you tell her now she may be able to help you sort out your finances (and i don't mean pay them for you) but she may be able to help you cut down on other things etc.

best of luck

rchddap1

I have to agree that you need to be upfront with her about it. One of the main keys for a relationship is trust and telling the other person everything. How can she trust you when you keep something as important as this from her? You need to talk to her.

southernscouser

*Louise* wrote:

Any bad credit you have at your joint address will affect her as well.

This isn't necessarily true. It depends on whether you have a financial association with her. For example, joint accounts, both on a credit agreement for say furniture! If you have no financial association, each get a credit report from bothe Experian and Equifax. If it has one anothers names on it you can ask for a notice of disassociation which will remove it!

However, you should come clean. Have a read of this post, the reaction she got from her OH is almost identical to everyone else who has posted similar! You will feel a whole lot better when you do!

Also, if you now can't meet your minimum payments it would suggest to me that you are still living beyond your means!
Have a look at this thread and then post back here with all the required information. That way we will be able to help you with a plan of attack before you tell your OH. It might look better saying "I'm in the proverbial, but this is what I'm going to do to osrt it", rather than just dumping it on her if you get what I mean!

Good luck

SS

Apple_2

Brighthope

Tell your girlfriend. We're the reverse of you - I was the one who didn't know and O/H was the one who tried to keep the lid on his debts. I knew he had debt but not how bad. When he told me he was crying, felt he'd let everyone down, was a waste of space etc etc. He'd been carrying all that worry for months. There's no guarantee how your O/H will react. I personally felt relieved because I knew there was something wrong - he was quiet & withdrawn, kept saying 'nothing was wrong' when I asked.

And his debts haven't really affected me financially. We had no joint accounts/mortgage. They did affect me emotionally though - I was as worried as him about sorting the situation out. It was stressful.

But I know when he told me, he felt an enormous sense of relief. He wasn't even scared of the idea of possible bankrupcy ( he didn't go B ). I remember he said he was scared to death I'd leave him ( because I hate debt ). Once I knew, understood, started planning etc, we were in it together and he was sooooooo relieved.

Tell your O/H. It's a risk, yes. But you probably can't manage this alone.

Good Luck

Tondella

Apple wrote:

Brighthope

Tell your girlfriend. We're the reverse of you - I was the one who didn't know and O/H was the one who tried to keep the lid on his debts. I knew he had debt but not how bad. When he told me he was crying, felt he'd let everyone down, was a waste of space etc etc. He'd been carrying all that worry for months. There's no guarantee how your O/H will react. I personally felt relieved because I knew there was something wrong - he was quiet & withdrawn, kept saying 'nothing was wrong' when I asked.

And his debts haven't really affected me financially. We had no joint accounts/mortgage. They did affect me emotionally though - I was as worried as him about sorting the situation out. It was stressful.

But I know when he told me, he felt an enormous sense of relief. He wasn't even scared of the idea of possible bankrupcy ( he didn't go B ). I remember he said he was scared to death I'd leave him ( because I hate debt ). Once I knew, understood, started planning etc, we were in it together and he was sooooooo relieved.

Tell your O/H. It's a risk, yes. But you probably can't manage this alone.

Good Luck

I agree, I knew my OH had debts but only a vague idea of how much and no idea of how he was tackling them. When we got engaged I asked him to 'fess up as I made him realise that his debts were effectively "our" debts as they would figure in any planning for the future we would make. I did feel sick when he eventually told me, and was angry on occasion when i first felt the impact of the changes we had to make, but now I am so relieved that we both have these debts in control and that they are going down, not up. We've just had our first debt-free wannabe christmas, raised a budget through ebaying, budgeted amounts for each present and ended up not overspending at all. If my OH had insisted on keeping me in the dark about his debts then I am certain it would have become a major topic of "discussion" (or argument) in the months approachin our wedding. I feel so much more secure now knowing exactly what is going on financially.

People here often recommend going to your OH armed with some sort of plan for how to get out of the debt, as it is gives a positive against the bad news. So make sure you know exactly what amounts you have on your cards, at what interest and minimum repayments and have a think about how you can tackle this (DMP, IVA etc). Then you can have an informed discussion rather than drop the bombshell and leave her shellshocked. We can help you with all the above on this board, there's some excellent advice to be had if you post your incomings and outgoings plus details of the debts.

stretcherman

Hi Brighthope
I was in a similar situation to you 13 months ago and my wife found out that I could not keep up the payments of credit cards, I owed £31,000. It was dificult explaining why the CC companies were phoning me so often (around 3 to 4 times a week) I had to lie all the time. It did cause a lot of problems over the xmas. The biggest mistake I made was not comming completly clean because I felt so stupid that I got myself into this situation, I told her about a couple of CC then she found out about some more which caused big massive arguments.

I tried sorting the mess out myself by writing to the CC companies but they would not stop the charges and interest.

I eventually phoned Payplan after one of the CC companies referred me and they were so understanding.Within a short period of time the phone calls and letters from the CC companies got less and less. I now hardly get any calls from them, they occassionally phone to say the period for the agreed payments is up and I just tell them my situation is unchanged and usually get the reply "ok we will extend it fot another few monthts".

Good luck, what you have got to do is not easy.

kathfisch

brighthope,
I urge you to take all the advice and support available from this website, and I mean for personal and emotional things as well as simply money. You are facing a hard time but you don't have to be totally alone in coping with it. I hope to hear of some good progress in the next few months! x