Any good advice to stop me spending?

PinkTwirl

Hello All :hello:

I just started posting a few days ago and am getting into the way of facing up to my debt. Over the past few days the feeling of guilt and "what the hell have I done to myself" thoughts have been increasing, if it wasn't for this board I would probably still be in denial that my debt is ok.

Does anyone else buy things out of boredom? I can honestly say that every penny of my debt has been due to buying things I don't need. It's scary that I could run up £20K of debt for nothing. I did it because I'm lonely and making friends has been hard. I only have about 5 people in the whole of the uk and lets just say Friday and Saturday nights are never any cop. Resisting the temptation right now to go to Tesco just to get out of the house. I was always one of those people that bent over backwards to keep people in my life that I probably shouldn't have and now I find that it's not done me any good.

I still have this mindset of I'm bored and I'm lonely, I should go out and buy something just to feel better, less bored.

Anyone know where I'm coming from? Feeling a bit down and desperate about it all, the debt is not the only thing wrong in my life, but it is the symptom of a real lack of social circle and no partner, just to try to feel better sometimes.

I really would welcome any advice to use to stop me putting a foot in the shops when I am down.

Thanks

98jdougl

I can see where you are coming from, what about instead of going shopping joining a local community or something? Seems like the lack of social circle is what is getting you down and is the root cause of the spending for no reason. Is there some interest you have and could join a group? Amnesty International? Crafting? etc

PinkTwirl

Hi,

Thanks for the reply. I've been in denial for a long time about it all, blocking it out of my mind with a trip to the shops, giving me something to do and a quick burst of happy feeling in my brain when buying something nice.

I've just joined a gym and have got the first 2 months free. There is a squash club there and I have signed up for starting with it on Monday night. I've only had a few lessons and am rubbish but it's something I've always fancied. Also, I am going tomorrow night to start volunteering at a place nearby for the homeless. I'm hoping that all that will keep me busy maybe 4 nights a week.

It doesn't matter what I do to make friends. They always seem so keen in the beginning, oh we will do this, that and the other. When I follow up on it and make the effort, they seem to vanish usuallly after 3 months. Gets me down and then I go spending again.

Posting a lot of this, not really financially related, but just trying to admit to the root cause of it all, I feel really embarrassed and ashamed admitting this, but maybe now I can see that it's not the stuff that I need, it's the socialness that I need. Can't get that from a new cardigan.

Thanks

Buffythedebtslayer

The best thing I did was spend only cash. no more cards.

I take out a certain amount each week/month and that is it.

Also, I have virtually given up shopping - I try very hard to shop on line and search for best prices, and if I do go out I go to one shop (pet shop only at the moment - am doing the 100 day challenge)

but Cash makes a big difference!

xx

Willsnarf1983

why do u think you lose friends then?

I'm a little similiar in that my friends are minimal and spread across the country so people i can actually rely on within my immediate vacinity are minimal and to counter that i spend money, i've gotten better in the last few years in not doing this but i'm not brilliant at it.

u say pier so u'r prob from brighton, blackpool or skeggy?

Will

MoaningMyrtle

Will, The Pier is a home furnishings store, they sell lovely stuff, very tempting.

How about the library or volunteering in a charity shop? These are both free and interesting.

Willsnarf1983

ahh shows my lack of knowledge of shopping places huh


www.play.com is about my limit lol!!!!

PinkTwirl

Willsnarf1983 wrote: »

why do u think you lose friends then?

Will

I've no idea. I've tried starting conversations with people, being bright and happy, inviting people round and cooking for them, asking them what I am doing wrong. Opening up more about myself. I just don't know. If I knew what it was I'd stop doing it.

I've got two friends that I've known for 8 years. Another I've known for 2 and a half years. One I've known for 2 and another I've known for about 5 months. Then I guess 3 close family members I see regulary.

I just don't know. I'm one of those people that puts up with things but never gets much in return. The minute I do something to upset them they get annoyed and just bog off. Then I feel like a fool because I've put up with so much.

Does the self-esteem no good. Hence the turning to shiny things in The Pier (it's a household shop full of lovely things )

sarahb123_3

Hi PinkTwirl, I totally relate to what you are saying, most of my debt is boredom/stress related. Since joining this board I have realised that a lot of it is also to do with "I haven't got anyone to buy me nice things, I don't want to miss out, so I'll buy them myself."

I understand what you mean by the "socialness of it" in the last few months 2 of my friends have move 100s of miles away and it is hard, and shopping is a nice way of forgetting it for a while, until the bills come:rolleyes:

Have you thought about getting a second job or doing some overtime? Hardly exciting but it will mean you are occupied, you can't go shopping and you can get the debts paid off more quickly.

I realise that doesn't address the underlying problem. You realising the root cause of it is the first step, it took me years to associate my "I deserve a treat and I want it now" attitude with the fact that I am lonely or bored. And it has cost me a fortune. :rolleyes: But I have realise it now and am trying to address it. There is nothing for you to be embarrassed about, you will find lots of shopaholics on these boards!

It's good that you have joined the gym and are volunteering, they may turn out to be a turning point for you, and you might surprise yourself with how much you enjoy them, and they don't provide too many spending opportunities!

Willsnarf1983

they say that the number of proper friends that you can count on doesn't get more than 5 and for me that true, prob less than that but i have people i know and would call friends but wouldn't neccersarily say are true true friends if that makes sense

Will

sarahb123_3

P.S PinkTwirl, please keep posting on the Single and in Debt thread, you will get lots of support, there are lots of us in the same boat for various reasons, it is sometimes much harder to deal with debt on your own and sometimes it's much easier. But it is certainly different when you're on your own. We are mostly shopaholics/recovering shopaholics I am very pleased to meet a fellow Pier lover, in fact I am holding one of their lovely glasses right now (from the 30% off sale- a bargain):D