Should my 5 year old twins go to grandad's funeral?

DonnaP

Hi

What do people think I should do? My DD's were quite close to their Grandad, but they are only 5 years old. My feeling is that its best they don't go as they are very young to really understand, but has anyone had experience of this?

Many thanks

Donna

skintchick

I would say take them - death is part of life's cycle and this way they are able to say goodbye along with everyone else.

ginvzt

I have been to my grandad's funeral when I was 5 or 6, and I am glad my parents didn't just leave me behind. I know that he is gone and it is not that he is asleep, and although I have some memories of the funeral, and everything, I still have some other memories of him. Take them with you, so they can also say good bye.

galvanizersbaby

DonnaP wrote: »

Hi

What do people think I should do? My DD's were quite close to their Grandad, but they are only 5 years old. My feeling is that its best they don't go as they are very young to really understand, but has anyone had experience of this?

Many thanks

Donna

Hi Donna

My children were 4 and 5 when their grandmother died last year and though they were close to her we decided that they wouldn't go to the funeral.
They would have been distraught by all the relatives crying etc... and wouldn't really have understood and also their dad (my ex husband was grieving himself)
Instead they let off some balloons to remember Granny with their dad at a later date - they have happy memories of Granny and know she is in heaven and that's how she would have wanted it.

I think you should go with your gut feeling as they are your children and you know them best x

Sorry to hear of you loss btw

elainew

Yes take them. My dd has been to 2 funerals and shes 4. Prob didnt understand what was happening but it felt right to take her and it also helped other people chat as they were a distraction.
My grandad died when I was 6. One day he was there playing with us--next day he had died and we didnt know why he had just disappeared. I have MEGA hangups about death and dont want my dd to have the same.
Just my opinion but it depends on your own children

Chloe5

I think the above post is a really lovely idea.

I think your children are too young at age 5.

My children did not go close relative's funerals as we felt they were too young. They did go to the last granddad's funeral as my eldest (then 11 had been esp close before his dementia took a very noticeable hold). The younger one (7) did also go but he got upset, even though he didn't really 'know' his granddad because everyone else was upset esp grandma and he kept trying to get to her to comfort her. As close relatives you can't take the children out.

On the plus side it does give them a chance to say a formal goodbye and perhaps to remember the person who has died and be thankful to have known them.

Mine didn't go to the graveside ust the church and the wake.

I'm not so sure that there is much to be learnt from it as they know people and animals die and are buried. There will be plenty of services to come (sorry). Grief is something that is rather different in my opinion and the funeral can't teach you about that.

arthur_dent_2

When my Grandad died I was barely 6 and my mum and dad chose to ask me and my brother who would have been 3, whether or not we wanted to say goodbye to Grandad at a special service or whether we wanted to goto school/nursery still. We both in the end decided to go to school as we thought it would be boring. Aside from my obvious lack of understanding, I am glad that I was asked and would not hesitate to do the same if the unfortunate occurance was to happen to my family.

Krystaltips

I wouldn't take them to the service as this tends to be the upsetting part but I would (and did in the case of DD) allow them to go to the wake afterwards, this tends to be a lot more lighthearted and a place for people to reminisce about the dearly departed...

Rikki

I believe children should be allowed to go to funerals.
The children already know the person has died why not show them how everyone comes together to celebrate the dead persons life, say a final goodbye and a prayer.

Death is a part of life's great tapestry and something that will happen to us all..

maman

It's got to be your decision but personally I would say no. When my mother died my grandaughter was 6. We didn't take her to the crematorium or let her see coffin arriving etc as we thought it would be far too distressing. She did attend the 'wake' which was a sort of garden party, wore her party dress and ,as elainew said, she provided a distraction for the adults.

salduck

My 5 year old cousin and 4 year old niece came to my grandads funeral(cremation) and it was a good way of explaining to them where grandad was going.
Although at the end when he was away thru the curtain so to speak the 5 year old did pipe u p with where is grandad going?
However it did lighten the mood and gave us older members of the family something to focus on!
BUT only you know best for your own kids and can judge if it would help or hinder!
Best of luck whatever you decide
Sal
x