Guilty?

tenacioust123

For the last 2 years I have had awful back issues, last year I had a fusion of my lumbar spine which did not ease the pain, but brought a new list of problems. My partner has been my rock through out this time. We have only been together 4 years and I'm sure he didn't have this in mind when we met He works full-time, then has to look after me and the house as I'm unable to do simple things like load the washing machine!! I've gone from being an out going party person, that loved going to the gym ( running the odd marathon) and always ready for a challenge to not being able to do much at all.

Does anyone else feel guilty that family or friends have to do things for them and also put up with the moods that can come with a disability? If so how do you deal with it?

Valley's_girl

Hi I feel guilty also I have lots of health issues and breathing problems my ds is my rock and does loads for me but I do try and do some stuff myself.
I often let him know how much I appreciate him and he always says I have done loads for him and it doesn't matter because you didn't ask to be ill.
He really is a one in a million.

Saying that I am a moody blighter some times I don't know how I deal with it I get on with it.
Try not to worry you seem to have a lovely partner.
Best wishes to you both
ally xx

calleyw

My husband is disabled after a stroke two years ago. He lost his left side. And still has a non functioning hand.

He can't do a lot housework wise if any. He feels he has been robbed of a normal life and guilty, as I have to work part time as I don't feel he is a 100% safe at home. Due to damage to his brain.

It is not easy but if you can't do it you can't do it.

It is hard work I have to do all the driving and I really don't enjoy it but such is life.

I am not saying that we are all peachy we do have our moments. But I do these things because I love him and he is my husband.

But then I feel guilty as I now work part time and now need to take my husband benefit money off him to pay the bills. So in out household the guilt runs both ways:rotfl:

All the best.

Yours

Calley

Babshubbie

Pleae don't feel guilty.

I am in the reverse position. My wife had a brain haemorrage 18 months ago leaving her extremely disabled. And from being a looked after husband, I have had to change to a do-everything husband including intimate care for her. Doing all the chores, meals, washing, cleaning etc was all new to me, but I don't regard it all as a hardship. It is something I feel privileged to do. I know she would have done the same for me, as she has done during the 57 years of our marriage. I wouldn't want her to have any feelings of guilt.

My only worry is that I am 82 years old and there will be difficulties if I am rendered out of action.

LameWolf

I can totally identify with the OP. I've only been with my husband for 6 and a half years (we're both "recycled") and I hate it that he has to do so much for me that I "should" be able to do for myself.:(

But he points out to me that I do what I can, I don't just sit back and expect to be waited on for things I can do; we do domestic stuff together, so that he does the difficult bits but we can have a laugh and a joke at the same time.:o

And at the end of the day, we can't change the situation, so we just have to run with it.

On a practical note, if I know I'm having a bad day and am liable to be a bit growly, I actually tell my husband that's the case, and say something like "If I snap at you today, I apologise in advance, please don't take it personally, I'm in a lot of pain/feeling very down/whatever the problem is".

tenacioust123

Can I just say thanks to everyone,
I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one to feel like this. My partner tells me off If I get down about what he has too do. He's always telling me he loves me just the same if not more.

My best wishes go to you all, especially the carers out there you're all one in a million.

foreign_correspondent

Babshubbie wrote: »

Pleae don't feel guilty.

I am in the reverse position. My wife had a brain haemorrage 18 months ago leaving her extremely disabled. And from being a looked after husband, I have had to change to a do-everything husband including intimate care for her. Doing all the chores, meals, washing, cleaning etc was all new to me, but I don't regard it all as a hardship. It is something I feel privileged to do. I know she would have done the same for me, as she has done during the 57 years of our marriage. I wouldn't want her to have any feelings of guilt.

My only worry is that I am 82 years old and there will be difficulties if I am rendered out of action.

Your wife is very lucky to have you - you sound like a real gentleman, and you are clearly very adaptable to learn how to cope with the sudden change of roles with such grace.

foxxymynx

yes, I think it's part of having long term health issues, the guilt that you feel for having them and needing help from your loved ones, feeling a burden etc

robpw2

tenacioust123 wrote: »

For the last 2 years I have had awful back issues, last year I had a fusion of my lumbar spine which did not ease the pain, but brought a new list of problems. My partner has been my rock through out this time. We have only been together 4 years and I'm sure he didn't have this in mind when we met He works full-time, then has to look after me and the house as I'm unable to do simple things like load the washing machine!! I've gone from being an out going party person, that loved going to the gym ( running the odd marathon) and always ready for a challenge to not being able to do much at all.

Does anyone else feel guilty that family or friends have to do things for them and also put up with the moods that can come with a disability? If so how do you deal with it?

i know how you feel sounds similar to me , i feel guilty but i also think thats partly down to depression

tenacioust123

robpw2 wrote: »

i know how you feel sounds similar to me , i feel guilty but i also think thats partly down to depression

Have you seen anyone about your depression? They have offered me an appointment at the pain clinic to see a therapist, havn't taken it up yet.

Gemmzie

Definitely. I don't know if this is an option for you, but I use some of my DLA money to treat my carer (my mum) to the odd massage or meal out or new makeup/clothes. It's just my way of saying thanks for being a pain in the bum!

I'm seeing a therapist at a pain clinic shortly, I can report back if you're interested