It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

charlies-aunt

Had to take a step back and have a reality check this morning - I guess we are cash poor but rich in the things that money can't buy.... happy marriage, lovely dd's and no major health problems.

I love reading the forums - they are brilliant for great ideas, help & support and friendship. they are motivating me to have a positive attitude and count our blessings.

Life isn't fair ....but it's up to you how you handle it - if you are handed a lemon - you make the choice between sucking on it & being sourfaced ...or adding a little sugar & make lemonade :rolleyes:

Doubly determined to keep trying and to keep looking on the bright side

elizabunny

rosepink1984 wrote: »

Ceridwen thanks for your post - I'm new to this thread, and am feeling very low tonight contemplating our finances - your post made me feel a little better

I will explain more another day - but in a nutshell, I've been married 2 years, both DH and I had credit card debts when we married, him more than me, and we've been trying (not very successfully) to pay them off. I've lost two jobs because I have severe depression and agoraphobia, and so DH has to bring in all the money - he's self-employed and the work just isn't there. We are just about paying the bills, but get default charges from the bank all the time and it's incredibly stressful just trying to make minimum payments on anything. I hate being in this situation, I feel so stupid to think it was ok to go into debt. We can barely afford our rent and we live in a studio flat. It's no life really.

So how are we coping? We aren't really. We are scraping by, and trying not to be stressed out of our tiny little brains.

Sorry for such a negative post, I think you are all amazing, and long to be like the ladies who are managing to put something by for emergencies

rosepink1984 I felt sad when I read your thread and I hope you have the support of friends and family to help you through. What I can say is that I think you shouldn't be too hard on yourself re: the debt, it has been all too easy for people to get lured into that trap. I remember coming out of a shop and someone standing outside offering credit cards to shoppers as they passed by. How often in the past did we all get bombarded with credit card deals through the post etc. I think that the word 'stupid' should be apply to all the companies that dished out the credit in the first place without making absolutely sure people could afford it.
We too find it really difficult to put anything back for a rainy day and it takes all our efforts to keep up with the bills etc., life can seem harsh at times, but I also agree with charlies-aunt and count my blessings for a happy marriage and lovely children and I consider myself lucky. I try now to focus on the positive parts of my life and am trying to practice 'one day at a time' having spent so much time worrying about what might happen.
I hope things improve for you really soon.

nannaC

Originally Posted by rosepink1984
I will explain more another day - but in a nutshell, I've been married 2 years, both DH and I had credit card debts when we married, him more than me, and we've been trying (not very successfully) to pay them off. I've lost two jobs because I have severe depression and agoraphobia, and so DH has to bring in all the money - he's self-employed and the work just isn't there. We are just about paying the bills, but get default charges from the bank all the time and it's incredibly stressful just trying to make minimum payments on anything. I hate being in this situation, I feel so stupid to think it was ok to go into debt. We can barely afford our rent and we live in a studio flat. It's no life really.So how are we coping? We aren't really. We are scraping by, and trying not to be stressed out of our tiny little brains.Sorry for such a negative post, I think you are all amazing, and long to be like the ladies who are managing to put something by for emergencies

elizabunny wrote: »

rosepink1984 I felt sad when I read your thread and I hope you have the support of friends and family to help you through. What I can say is that I think you shouldn't be too hard on yourself re: the debt, it has been all too easy for people to get lured into that trap.We too find it really difficult to put anything back for a rainy day and it takes all our efforts to keep up with the bills etc., life can seem harsh at times, but I also agree with charlies-aunt and count my blessings for a happy marriage and lovely children and I consider myself lucky. I try now to focus on the positive parts of my life and am trying to practice 'one day at a time' having spent so much time worrying about what might happen.

elizabunny wrote: »

I hope things improve for you really soon.

My heart and thoughts go out to both of you. I know only too well how hard it is when your backs are up against the financial wall.
But thanks to wonderful sites such as this there are always plenty of hugs and help/advice. I can well remember in the early 70's recession when Grumpy and I were up against it. True there was not credit cards and all the must have electronics that seem so essential to todays living, but living was just as tight. One tip I used then and still do was to become a ferverent budget list maker, I would start with money in then top of list would be essentials [mortgage, utilities], then I would go through my cupboards and make shopping lists using seasonal food [we did not have a freezer], then onto clothes list [3 little ones at the time], this actually also usually consisted of making a note of up and coming jumble sales. Lastly I would make a wish list if on the odd occasion we had more pennies than days in the week and not the other way round [christmas/birthday pressies]. On the up side I found that all the time and energy I put into my lists stopped me getting down as I simply didn't have the time to mope. Stay strong and when things get really bad give thanks for the simple things, a sunny day, glorious sunset magnificent rainbow.

[Deleted User]

I am alternating between tears of empathy and smiles when reading your posts. So many sad stories and so many people pulling together and making life that bit better with hardly any spare resources to their name

I have been putting a whole family history together in the past fwe days and the research was done by someone else but I have been summarising. What struck me very very hard was all the `born on` dates and died on` dates and the bits in between like two brothers dying from plague in the 15th century and one newborn after another dying after a month or so. Life is so so transient and there is nothing but nothing that we cannot overcome today. What does hold us back is bad news on the media, like crime and recessions and debt, so perhaps we shouldn`t be listening. They drag us down and it is relentless and for some strange reason we are dragged back to the news time after time. It is hard enough to stay cheerful as we approach the dark months and maybe we could do with concentrating a bit on feelgood things. Cheerful, uplifting music for a start and I admit that is something I have neglected a lot these past weeks. I believe it does something nice to the brain waves

kidcat

I agree about the media and news kittie, I now rarely watch the news and find that if I do watch I always feel very down afterwards. Seems they are all desperate to bring us down.

I have spent the day sorting thru more boxes from the move and with each box I am finding it easier to get rid of stuff that we really no longer need. Its like I am gaining momentum as it were. We have decided to hold a small get together in two weeks to thank our friends and family for their support during the past few months. I think it will also help me to settle more too, theres nothing like a party to lift spirits.

Everywhere I turn I am hearing stories of people not making it thru these difficult times and becoming bankrupt, and with each story I am thankful that we are getting thru it. I am also trying to pass on the stories both of the people going under and the survivors - to everyone I know, in the hope that they will be able to take note and make the changes necessary to ensure they too can survive.

I think that we all have learnt a skill set that is so valueable in these times, and its important for us to share that knowledge and pass the skills on.

I know I have learnt so much from here and I learn more everyday.

rosepink1984

charlies-aunt wrote: »

Had to take a step back and have a reality check this morning - I guess we are cash poor but rich in the things that money can't buy.... happy marriage, lovely dd's and no major health problems.

I love reading the forums - they are brilliant for great ideas, help & support and friendship. they are motivating me to have a positive attitude and count our blessings.

Life isn't fair ....but it's up to you how you handle it - if you are handed a lemon - you make the choice between sucking on it & being sourfaced ...or adding a little sugar & make lemonade :rolleyes:

Doubly determined to keep trying and to keep looking on the bright side

This is such a good point, you are right charlies-aunt. I think I need to do this more, counting my blessings!

elizabunny wrote: »

rosepink1984 I felt sad when I read your thread and I hope you have the support of friends and family to help you through. What I can say is that I think you shouldn't be too hard on yourself re: the debt, it has been all too easy for people to get lured into that trap. I remember coming out of a shop and someone standing outside offering credit cards to shoppers as they passed by. How often in the past did we all get bombarded with credit card deals through the post etc. I think that the word 'stupid' should be apply to all the companies that dished out the credit in the first place without making absolutely sure people could afford it.
We too find it really difficult to put anything back for a rainy day and it takes all our efforts to keep up with the bills etc., life can seem harsh at times, but I also agree with charlies-aunt and count my blessings for a happy marriage and lovely children and I consider myself lucky. I try now to focus on the positive parts of my life and am trying to practice 'one day at a time' having spent so much time worrying about what might happen.
I hope things improve for you really soon.

nannaC wrote: »

My heart and thoughts go out to both of you. I know only too well how hard it is when your backs are up against the financial wall.
But thanks to wonderful sites such as this there are always plenty of hugs and help/advice. I can well remember in the early 70's recession when Grumpy and I were up against it. True there was not credit cards and all the must have electronics that seem so essential to todays living, but living was just as tight. One tip I used then and still do was to become a ferverent budget list maker, I would start with money in then top of list would be essentials [mortgage, utilities], then I would go through my cupboards and make shopping lists using seasonal food [we did not have a freezer], then onto clothes list [3 little ones at the time], this actually also usually consisted of making a note of up and coming jumble sales. Lastly I would make a wish list if on the odd occasion we had more pennies than days in the week and not the other way round [christmas/birthday pressies]. On the up side I found that all the time and energy I put into my lists stopped me getting down as I simply didn't have the time to mope. Stay strong and when things get really bad give thanks for the simple things, a sunny day, glorious sunset magnificent rainbow.

Thanks elizabunny, I really appreciate your post. We do have a lovely family, they are really supportive and often help us out in practical ways mil is always giving us food she picked up from the bargins section of the supermarket! We had a good time with a couple of our friends last night who are in a similar position - we played Monopoly and drank beer and ate chocolate, it was just what we needed. An inexpensive evening filled with laughter and fun. We did talk a bit about our respective financial problems and it helped.

Thanks Nanna for your supportive post too, really lovely to have all of you being so kind and nice to me! I like your list idea, I'm a good one for making lists. I think I need to list all the food we have in the house and see what I can make with it. We have a storecupboard crammed with stuff and we can't always see what's actually in there! We tend to buy meat etc when it's on offer so the freezer is fairly full too. I really love the last sentence on your post, it's so lovely.

I look forward to getting to know you all and hear your stories and pick up some tips!

Rummer

I am looking on the bright side today! Since we are so skint we are going to spending a lot of time in the house for the foreseable future I have decided to finish off all the wee jobs that are still outstanding. When we were flush we bought a lot of DIY materials that we started using then our enthusiasm ground to a halt. That way I will be kept busy and will end up with a fabulous house at the end of it! Going to focus on the kitchen and bathroom and my family have kindly said that my xmas money from them can be used to buy the final bits and pieces for those two rooms.

Spinning my negative into a positive!

wigglebeena

Rummer wrote: »

I am looking on the bright side today! Since we are so skint we are going to spending a lot of time in the house for the foreseable future I have decided to finish off all the wee jobs that are still outstanding. When we were flush we bought a lot of DIY materials that we started using then our enthusiasm ground to a halt. That way I will be kept busy and will end up with a fabulous house at the end of it! Going to focus on the kitchen and bathroom and my family have kindly said that my xmas money from them can be used to buy the final bits and pieces for those two rooms.

Spinning my negative into a positive!

How about a blog covering your DIY progress? I'm sure if you put Adsense on it you'd get lots of Homebase-type ads on it which should have a decent return - you might even cover the cost of some materials. (Or not: but at least we could follow your progress and cheer you on.) You could link to some Youtube vids you made if you have a digicamera that can do 'em - your own DIY reality show?

elizabunny

Good for you rosepink1984 sounds like you had a good night with your friends -just what you needed.
Thanks for your kind words nannaC. Times may be hard but we certainly have a lot to be thankful for and I think it's important to keep things in perspective.
Having 'slipped a disc' (I know this is not the correct medical term) a couple of weeks ago, I'm feeling pretty thankful today that I can actually move around a bit now. I've felt totally incapitated and so frustrated, even though I've have had back trouble for 15 years and should be 'used' to it, I hate to be so useless, it gives me too much thinking time, which is not so good. Anyway, at least I managed to do a bit of cooking today albeit slowly. I agree that keeping busy gives you less time to mope.
I love your idea Rummer of using up your DIY stuff, we too have lots of started and unfinished projects -too many to list and DH had been repairing and replacing fencing, which badly needed doing but we hadn't found time to do it. I think it'll look great when it's finished though.
Also feeling quite pleased today because recently I gave our son's partner an old sewing machine, but unfortunately, it broke before she had really used it. DH managed to repair it and I fiddled around and managed to get the tension right and it stitched beautifully (can't really believe it because I thought it had, had it) Anyway. I know she will be thrilled to get it back. Our good deed for the day:D
Also made, a huge pot of leek and lentil soup, which should last us days. The leeks came out of the garden, so very thrifty.
kitcat and kittie. I hate the news too, not only is it repetative, it's depressing -can't think why I keep being drawn to switch it on
Have a good evening all.

Butterfly_Brain

Chin up rosepink
When my DH were first married we both had low paid jobs and a mortgage and his ex girlfriend had amassed a huge amount of debt (to do with the house) But we got through it.
Now after 23 years and a lot of hard times behind us, we are stronger as a couple because we worked together; and even though life has dealt us quite a few blows - I have been disabled for a while and DH was made redundant last year - he found another albeit lower paid job but we are still together and fighting the hard times yet again - Believe it or not we are happy
You never know what is around the corner just make time for each other and work together - If you have that you are half way there x