It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

Beki

Unfortunately we live in a very rural area, in a little hamlet of just us, and 3 other houses. The other familes all have children, but they're all very young.. pre-school age so none go to school.

I do pass other houses on the way to school, but don't know if any of the mums live there

Brilliant suggestion though, if i lived somewhere a bit more populated! Thanks

kidcat

Beki, my OH has always been the same, he treats any efforts as being designed to inconvenience him, I have stuck at it for years and he now gets some of it but nowhere near as much as I had hoped, we are now debt free:j entirely down to my having done everything as cheap as possible, and last year we had a small holiday (all six of us) forthe first time, and he appreciated that. When he moans too much now, I remind him that we had a holiday last year (first in eight years) and that was only possible due to all the hard work I put in to curb spending.

What began as desperate times, when we were at our most indebted moment, has become almost second nature now. And I appreciate what I am doing. I know that we are debt free and I intend to stay that way. Providing for my children and teaching them about leaving life within our means is something I am passionate about.

I think men hate to admit that they have problems and don't like their friends to know they dont have sky and a huge plasma TV etc, and that is where men struggle, you are doing the very best for your family and you know that. :A

mummysaver

Afternoon all!

Beki - I'm so pleased that things worked out at the council. Silly woman there saying it should be fine, she was just being difficult, she knows full well that if it got to court then they would be laughed at as you have made a reasonable offer - and according to my pal this is a reasonable offer. Please don't worry any more about it, but well done on getting it sorted out, these things are horrible if they are hanging over you.

As for your OH I think kidcat has hit it on the head, many men like everyone to think everything is fine and hate it when it's not, but not enough to actually do anything about it! Sorry to any chaps reading, not true of all men, but seems like a lot I know are like this! Some also think that as they are out earning the money they should be able to see the benefits to themselves, generally in the form of cars, tellys, etc. They forget that a family and a mortgage are both very very expensive, and that they need to be paid for! I don't have any magic suggestions, just that you keep plugging away and tell him how you feel about having to make savings whilst feeling that he isn't supporting you in your efforts.

I know that being frugal is really really hard, especially if you are used to having lots of things and treats, I can remember the huge shock to the system when I gave up my well paid full time job to stay at home with my eldest when he was born, wow did we have to rethink absolutely everything! I can still remember the disappointment of being offered a beautiful holiday cottage in France free for a week, and having to turn it down cos we simply couldn't afford the petrol to get there, the car was a company one else we wouldn't have been able to afford that either!

Try to think of it as not HAVING to be frugal, but as a CHOICE. I feel that I've got one up on the shops when I just go in a cherry pick their bargains, leaving the other stuff for someone else to subsidise my basket! Yes I do find I go to a lot of different shops, but I just whizz in as I'm passing or do a big loop round them all on payday! If I thought about having to do it due to lack of money, the real reason, I would feel really miffed!

Giving up sky is a good thing I think, especially if you have children, as it soon stops all the arguments over who wants which channel! Freeview is great, just enough choice!

I think by reading about how other people on this thread have coped with very little soon puts things into perspective, we all have so much nowadays, often far far more than we actually need. You will cope and one day look back and wonder how you did, and I hope that your OH soon starts to support you in all your efforts.

mummysaver

Anyway, what I came on here to tell everyone was that Chinese food is a bargain at Aldi at the mo, cans of coconut milk are 49p, and sesame oil is 69p, all sorts of spices and sauces as well.

Potatoes are still at 49p for 5kg, which are actually what I went in there to buy!

Picked up some semi skimmed milk as well, it was 49p for a litre, seemed a lot cheaper than all the other milk in there?

Beki

Thanks for your kind words I actually seem to THRIVE on being frugal. Goodness knows why, but although i obviously don't enjoy not having any spare money for bits and bobs, i really enjoy totting up my weekly spends and seeing where i can cut back etc. Plus i love cooking from scratch too, and the family *seem* to be coming round to it, rather than having prepared stuff

OH is good in so many ways, but it's just this money saving lark i can't seem to get him to agree on. I always get my way, as i explain how important it is to do these things, but it's the constant feeling of banging my head against a brick wall that drives me round the twist! lol

I'm liking the price of the coconut milk and sesame oil at aldi! Thanks for that - i might pop over there tomorrow. It's a bit out of my way, but if i stock up on a few of each it'll make the saving worthwhile

Bargain_Rzl

Coconut milk can be cheaper at Tesco or Asda if they have the right brand in stock at your local one. The cheapest ones (Dunn's River, or Island Sun) are 44p. I also spotted this morning on mysupermarket that Tesco's currently selling its own brand organic one for 44p as well.

Broomstick

mummysaver wrote: »

Afternoon all!
Try to think of it as not HAVING to be frugal, but as a CHOICE. I feel that I've got one up on the shops when I just go in a cherry pick their bargains, leaving the other stuff for someone else to subsidise my basket! Yes I do find I go to a lot of different shops, but I just whizz in as I'm passing or do a big loop round them all on payday! If I thought about having to do it due to lack of money, the real reason, I would feel really miffed!

Mummysaver, I really agree with this - I am trying to focus on not buying plastic, reducing all our rubbish including our recycling, decluttering big-time to simplify our lives and allow more room for creativity, and using what we already have in the house (reading unread books, using up all the bits of toiletries we already have, making a 'stationery shelf' in our store cupboard so all spare stationery is in one place etc etc). By doing all this, we are regularly saving money but it feels like we are gaining greener, healthier, simpler less cluttered lives, not losing anything. It's a sane choice to be making. When I gave up smoking 18? years ago after years and years of trying and failing, it really helped to adopt Alan Carr's idea of gaining something fabulous (health, freedom from compulsive dependence etc) rather than losing cigarettes. It helped me do it.

helzbelz_57

beki, totally the same sit with Oh, except mine is navy and its sooo hard to keep tabs on what he's spending. nights out with the boys, meals out, cd's, computer games, junk food, magazines. all go unmentioned!!! so i really have no idea how bad he is. although bsed on how he is at home, i can imagine!!! ive tried a couple of times to sit him down and talk through saving money but i think im just going to have to take the direct approach and tell him exactly what i want him not to buy anymore. dnt think it will be wll received but with baby due in may and me facing possible redundancy, i have no choice. im scrimping so much at the minute. trying so har to do everything for the bare minimum and then he comes home and goes and fills the fridge with all sorts of snacks and fast food!!! eh hello... MEAL PLAN mean anything? but it's time i told him how serious i am and how seriously i need to be taken. cue head in sand.

mummysaver

BR - thanks for the tips about Mr T and the coconut milk, always around 70p in our ones, will have a look tonight though, they way prices are up and down it could be anything from 5p to £5! Our Mr T's are both quite small though, so I often find that they don't have the bargainous stuff!

Oh, before I forget, big packs of Daz were £4.99 from £9.99 in Mr T's, the 50 wash one, right at the entrance in our store.

Beki - even the biggest fans of processed food can be converted by home cooking! I produced my shop brought pizza for dd1 last night, okay I got them for 10p each just before Asda shut on Sunday, thinking she'd be overjoyed cos she always moans that she likes ready made pizza, and what the confounded child do, yep she moaned and said my homemade one was much nicer! Keep plugging away hun, you'll convert them all to your way of thinking eventually! I bought several of the tins of coconut milk and a few bottles of the oil, think there were 3 varieties of oil, great to grab them whilst cheap - part of my food budget each week is allocated to buying bargains in bulk for the stockcupboard.

Helzbelz - congrats on the baby! Oh, another OS baby! It's infuriating when you're scrimping and your OH spends I know. Don't know if showing him an incoming and outgoing income plan would work at all, plus list all the expenses for the babe (good to exaggerate these a bit, build yourself in a bit of leeway!) He probably thinks the snacks are nice treats for you, little realising that you don't actually want them! I really don't think men and women are wired up the same way, what may seem obvious to us women can seem like a completely alien concept to men, and vice versa of course!

pagangirl

I did it, I did it - with all the help and tips received on OS threads - Gas/Electric bill came today £107.26 - same quarter last year was £123.28, plus there was the 40% price rise - yaaaaaaay


Thanks everybody :T :T :T :beer: