I'd be grateful for opinions

Silaqui

Hi everyone,

I was just commenting on the 'how you split your finances' thread which made me think of this, I wondered whether anyone has been in a similar position.

I am living with my boyfriend at the mo and in general he contributes half to all of the bills and rent etc. During the summer he was unemployed for a few months and although he was claiming jsa the money from this had to be put towards repayments to a loan he has. In all, he didn't (couldn't) pay me anything for about 3 and a half months.

Although my salary isn't bad, it didn't stretch to cover living and travel costs for 2 people (especially with one of them at home all day on the internet job hunting) and I ended up having to use my credit cards to keep us going.

I only have 2, and one of them was fully paid off, and the other I was about 5 months away from clearing. I now have £200 on one and about £2500 on the other.

He is now working again and has started paying what he was before, but my friend says that I should raise his contribution to cover the extra interest costs that I am ending up paying on my cards - I'd feel a bit guilty about doing this although I can see the logic and tbh would appreciate the money as I am a bit stretched now with the extra repayments I am having to make.

I'd be grateful for peoples thoughts on this?

Thanks

*Louise*

I think he should pay you some extra towards the credit cards - after all, you only used them to help him out.

sooty&sweep

Hi

I'd agree with your friend.

But other questions I'd ask are does he have alot of disposable income now ?
Does he realise that you put expenses on your credit card and you're struggling now ?
Do you have any agreement as to how expenses should be split ?

I'd suggest having a chat and see if you can agree something.

tsstss7

Normally in these circumstances I'd say as a couple you should be prepared to support the other in times of need but in this instance I'd have to say if you normally have split finances and he feels no need to help you out when you have hard times (ie increased debt) then you have every right to ask him to contribute towards or even pay off the money he cost you when he was unemployed. He should pay off what he cost you on the cards at least after all if he doesn't help you out with finances why should you be helping him.
To be fair I'd ask for an extra 50-70 pounds per month (or a bit more if he can afford it) until he's covered your debt.

Silaqui

Hi, thanks for the advice.
He does know about having to use the cards and he knows things are tight - we have talked about it quite a bit but I feel like I'm nagging if I push too hard.
He is earning less than he was before and so after paying me, travel, and mobile/loan etc he probably has between £50-£75 per month left over for himself. I suppose I could ask for more as I pay for all the groceries and stuff, for example he doesn't have to pay for lunches and stuff, but I don't want it to end up being that he has to ask me any time he wants to do anything.

Our general consensus with splitting the payments is that we go halves on all the shared bills, e.g. gas and electric, rent and so on, then we pay for our own phones, and things like that. He also pays for sky TV as I didn't want it and don't watch it, but he tried to get out of that but can't untill the end of the contract. It's on the lowest package though. As I earn more than him I pay for the groceries, but I also have a car to run.

I don't know if I'd be justified in asking him for more if he has less than £20 a week for himself, but my friend says that he doesn't need it because this is literally disposable income.

Aargh!

wannabe_sybil

I hope you don't mind me asking, but did you worry about this before your friend spoke up. Is your friend in a relationship?

I do know that a lot of people genuinely really do not have any disposable income, but for me £20 per week to buy presents for family, birthday cards for friends, the occasional snack, something to treat you with, collections at work, charity collections (Pudsey!), haircuts etc is not a great deal of money.

How important is it to 'keep tabs' on who pays for what? If there is not a lot of money around then you have to try and do things fairly, but is it fair or is it keeping a check on what is going on?

I suppose another question is - if the positions were reversed, would you expect him to 'keep' you if he was earning and you were not? Would you look as it as something for love?

Each relationship has got to find it's own balance, and what each is comfortable with. If it is not long to go until the end of the Sky package, perhaps when it does finish you can ask him to pay the same amount of money towards your credit cards.
I do hope this helps, and do please consider why your friend is so indignant that your dear heart has £20 per week 'spends'.

VfM4meplse

Silaqui wrote: »

Hi, thanks for the advice.
He does know about having to use the cards and he knows things are tight - we have talked about it quite a bit but I feel like I'm nagging if I push too hard.


I don't know if I'd be justified in asking him for more if he has less than £20 a week for himself, but my friend says that he doesn't need it because this is literally disposable income.

Aargh!

Why are you so scared of asking? Your boyfriend isn't scared of taking!! I hope he's worth it but only you know the answer to that.

tsstss7

talk to him about it at least - even if he can't pitch in now at least you've put it out there - when he gets more dosh then you'll expect more from him...

hulagirl79

Hi
When i read your first post i was of the same opinon as most people on here, then i read your second post. If he only has £50-£75 left for the month, i would say that he should keep that money for himself.

Is there anyway he is going to get a raise in the next couple of months if so could he pay more then?

If you dont mind me asking, how much do you have left for the month after you have paid everything?

belfastgirl23

If you have the same amount of disposable income as him (or more) then I'd say leave well alone. But if making these repayments means you have less disposable income than him then he should be paying more.

I'm assuming you don't feel he's taking the mickey...and it is very easy for outsiders to comment, go by how you feel.

ameliarate

I think you have to think in terms of your overall relationship. Do you feel he has in any way taken advantage or do you feel he was genuinely in a bind and did everything he could to help himself and, as others have said, would he do the same for you?

Money can be a terrible thing sometimes and cause all sorts of problems.

I think there are probably too many variables here for anyone to give you a straight answer. I know my OH is extremely generous when he has money so am happy to help out when he has a few problems but would feel differently if I thought he was taking the pi$$. £50-£75 per month is not a lot of money, on the other hand you are stuck with the repayments (I hope you are not paying interest when you are on this board).

If you are struggling or unhappy in any way I sugget you sit down and talk to him before you build up resentment and it causes problems.