We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum. This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are - or become - political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
We're aware that dates on the Forum are not currently showing correctly. Please bear with us while we get this fixed, and see Site feedback for updates.

No way out.........

I`ve seen a few posts from the trolls and it makes me feel very sorry for the members of this board who are here through no fault of their own.

Well, I have to admit that my debt problem is primarily as a result of my own irresponsibility, but there are extenuating circumstances surrounding how I got to be where I am today, least not severe clinical depression which has never been treated successfully.

Yes, it is my own fault that I allowed the depression to take over......being in this financial mess makes me think that I should have fought back and tried to get well, only.........I didn`t. There was a time, many moons ago, when I had a decent enough job, but I didn`t return to that job after having a baby, due to postnatal depression. I started work in that job after I dropped out of university for love.........thought it would last forever........silly me!!!!

So, I sit here tonight feeling so alone in my self-made trap. Like so many here, I am absolutely desperate, yet due to "daft" things I have done........I don`t think BR is truly a viable option for me........I could accept a BRU (I deserve it), but no way in the world could I handle more severe consequences.

Am a rat caught in a trap. What may befall me as a result of BR terrifies me, yet my sole income is benefits, so I see no way that I can pay my debts.

I wish I hadn`t enhanced my circumstances etc. to obtain credit........I imagine that any OR would eat me for breakfast. I can`t imagine that one day this will all be behind me........doesn`t seem at all possible. Am a broken woman.........

FP
«13

Comments

  • First of all I think a /hug is in order. Life has a habit of throwing us off track when you think everything is going well and although you probably think it's easy for me to say this, you're being very hard on yourself. Depression isn't something that you can shake off like a cold, as you know it's a lot more complicated than that.

    What is it that specifically worries you about going bankrupt? Is it the inflation of your income that you are concerned about? You wouldn't be the first person or the last who the official reciever had seen who had done that. It's hard to put what I want to say into words, I don't mean to demean how you feel, far from it, in my own limited way I'm trying to offer support.

    December
    BSC support number 158

    weight loss - 52lbs
  • Your story looks remarkably like a mirror (albeit I am a bloke!!)

    I was in the darkest of dark places. I was beating myself to a pulp with my self doubt and recriminations.

    BUT, the fact of the matter is, I got into financial difficulties as a result of a change in my personal circumstances. NOT from choice.

    I am now a BR, I am now a very happy bunny indeed, and I KNOW that I made the right decision in taking the plunge.

    Trolls? SOD EM. Who gives a monkeys about someone sad enough to trawl message boards in order to gloat in someone else’s misery!?!?!?

    99.9% of them are only looking in this direction because they are one VERY small step from being us. And whilst they are still in denial, it gives them a sense of superiority. Stones and glass houses!!

    You have already made the first step in getting your life back. You are the one looking for help and/or advice and/or support.

    Oscar Wilde allegedly once said "there is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."
  • peachyprice
    peachyprice Posts: 22,346 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    FP, nothing worse than a BRU is likely to happen, they're not going to send you to prison for anything you have done.

    Your name 'error' can easily happen, I had an unusual surname before I married Mr P, it was always being spelled wrong, it happens.

    As for your DoB, was it anything like your real one, or completely different?

    The people giving you credit should have done a credit check should ahve noticed something was no quite right, perhaps they did and put the correct DoB on your file.

    When you fill in your forms you only put the account numbers, not what name they were taken out in or any other details. I had accounts in 3 different names, and was never asked to say which were which.

    I know you feel terrible about this, but to be honest, I'm not sure the OR will even notice. If they do it won't be until after your BR and the worse they really can do is a BRU and perhaps a CIFAS mark on your credit file, they're not going to report you to the police or are unlikely to take it any further, we're not talking about hundreds of thousands of pounds.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
  • I can`t imagine that one day this will all be behind me........doesn`t seem at all possible. Am a broken woman.........

    FP
    We all felt like that before we took control and got our lives back on track. Debt is a hugely draining thing and it really takes it out of you making you feel like life is on hold. Well the clock is still ticking away and you need to know that the most important thing in life is the people around you and your health - not things and certainly not debt.

    You don't feel it now but look how many people post on this board after bankruptcy - we all made it through and so will you.

    :j :j


  • peachyprice
    peachyprice Posts: 22,346 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Just a thought FP, could you phone the creditors who have the incorrect details and ask them to change them before you go BR?
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
  • FP please dont be so hard on yourself, im on benefits aswell and i was using the cards and buried my head in the sand about it all i made myself believe there wasnt a problem and carried on spending, i hated the postman as it was always bills. i very much doubt you are the only person to slightly stretch the truth to obtain credit so dont worry yourself about it. i also suffered postnatal so i know how even the slightest thing can send you into a downward spiral where things seem diar, people react to things in different ways. what ive red about bro and bru basicly just means your unable to obtain credit for much longer period(please someone correct me if im wrong)
    i know its not something anybody wants. i myself didnt want want the stigma of br but i see no other way out i cant afford to pay the creditors so if this is the only way i can admit my problems and start a fresh then so be it.

    we are all here for support and advice. forget the high and mighty people that believe their poop dont stink, let them live in the real world amonst us minuns for a day and see how they far up
    If you want to see the rainbow ,you gotta put up with some rain
  • Hmmm i was a broken man nearly two years ago, im still here, and most of the pieces are back where they should be. So dont give up

    Being on benefits, there is little point in persueing anything the OR may find, as they will not gain anything, in fact most BR,s on benefits just get rubber stamped

    I missed most of your posts before you edited them but taking a guess i think i see why

    But peachyprice is right, the creditors should have done proper checks, so must share any blame.

    I had one 'mistake', but a big enough one that could have caused problems, and i think that creditor knew as i had a phone call from a guy who was fishing after i went BR.

    I have no idea how it compares to your situation, but if it helps that was all that happened, i admitted to my OR that the loan in question was a mistake, but done in desperate times, and stressed they didnt care what my situation was, they just wanted to lend me the money regardles, and that was the end of it, nothing more was said and that was for around 8k.
    Thats it, i am done, Blind-as-a-Bat has left the forum, for good this time, there is no way I can recover this account, as the password was random, and not recorded, and the email used no longer exits, nor can be recovered to recover the account, goodbye all …………. :(
  • coolcait
    coolcait Posts: 4,803 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Rampant Recycler
    Hiya FP

    I'm really sorry to hear you sound so low. Here's a link to a slightly animated version of some of the "wise words" that have stuck with me for far longer than I like to admit :o . I hope it might help you too.

    http://www.funtoosh.com/funpages/why_worry.php

    Getting a little tougher, you've said that you could accept a BRU. Can I ask, what is it that you think the Accountant in Bankruptcy is going to do to you that would be "more severe consequences" than that? The law doesn't allow them to beat you up - and I doubt that they could beat you up any harder than you're already doing to yourself {hug} . I don't think they can put you in prison - and would it be any worse than the way you feel so trapped right now anyway? I really don't think that they can impose any more serious consequences than a BRU. If you felt able to share what it is you fear, we might be able to put your mind at rest better. :A

    Have you had a look at the form for making yourself bankrupt? There is nothing there which asks you anything about the info you gave when you acquired your debts. It asks you who you are, where you live, if you own/have ever owned a business or a property; if you have ever received a charge for payment, or other things that would show that you are apparently insolvent; how much you earn, what benefits you get, how much debt you have; if you have any single asset worth more than £1,000; if the total value of your non-essential assets is over £10,000; who you owe and how much you owe them.

    It seems to me that you can fill all of that in completely honestly, without ever going near the question of any errors in your applications for credit.

    The same goes for the Form 17 which gets sent out to people applying for bankruptcy under LILA. It asks you to confirm your income, benefits and assets (or lack thereof :p ). No mention of details in applications for credit.

    The Accountant in Bankruptcy website is advertising the four month review of LILA on its front page. Have a read at it (http://www.aib.gov.uk/Resource/Doc/4/0000658.pdf) and see if it helps you feel a bit less nervous.

    The things that jumped out at me were that:

    - creditors get told that they probably won't get any payment from the bankruptcy, so are they going to take much interest in it/you?

    - 10% of cases get checked in detail (that means 90% don't :D )

    - the £100 fee that you pay is meant to cover all the administrative work - does that really sound like they'd have time to ask for details of what you said when you were looking for credit?

    If creditors see your name spelt wrongly in official notifications of the bankruptcy, will they think 'fraud'? Or will they think 'bloody civil servants - can't even spell Blogs right'?! :rotfl: Personally, I suspect the latter.

    Will date of birth even be announced? I'm not sure. If it's a matter of public record, would they dare publish that much info - wouldn't it be a breach of the DPA?

    Whatever it is that you have done - or think you have done - I don't think anyone can have any doubt that you regret/repent it. It's a very different situation from other things I have seen on here which have made me :eek: .

    If nothing else, please ask yourself if you would be helping a civil servant by telling them more than they ask for in the forms :rolleyes: . Can't you see their little faces if you 'confess' all, and they start wondering how the h*ll they're going to administer 'this one' within £100 ;) :rolleyes:

    I hope that the slightly flippant approach doesn't offend you - I'm hoping to cheer you up a bit while offering a different perspective. If it comes over wrongly, I do apologise.

    I just think that - looking at the LILA process - it's highly unlikely that anyone will notice any discrepancies in spelling of name or d.o.b. If they do, the worst that is likely to happen is a BRU. They can't make you pay more than you have, any more than you can turn back time.

    I hope this helps a little bit at least.
  • Rylynn
    Rylynn Posts: 1,387 Forumite
    Not sure on the full story here as think some things have been deleted.

    I had to put on the forms ALL names I have been known by. My OR asked were they my married names which both others were, and was my name now back to my maiden name which it is. He then asked were any loans taken out in the other two names and I said no which was the truth. But at no point was I asked about how my name was spelt. I cannot imagine an OR asking that to be honest with you. I cannot imagine your creditors being bothered they are not going to get any money with you on benefits anyway.

    I think you are worried about things that will NOT happen, they cannot send you to jail, or murder you. It is a stressful time, but at the other end of it you hopefully like me feel utter relief that it is over, gone, the debts are not there.

    As for credit I seriously never want any, so it does not matter to me that I am blacklisted for 6 years.

    Can you find the money to go BR, if you can I think you should seriously consider this is a new life and new chance for yourself.

    Depression is a terrible thing, but please do not beat yourself up, it only makes it worse. Take some positive steps easy to say and hard to do I know but then you will feel better and more in control.

    I wish you well.

    Rylynn
    Some Days are Diamonds Some Days are Stones,
    Sometimes the hard times won't leave me
    BSC 162:beer:
    Banktupt 22 Oct 2008 at 10am!
  • I had to put my maiden name to and I've been married for 20 years! The clerk insisted.

    :j :j


This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 348.3K Banking & Borrowing
  • 252.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 452.4K Spending & Discounts
  • 240.9K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 617.2K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 175.7K Life & Family
  • 254.1K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.