Feeling so ashamed

Neyo

Hi Buddy

I went BR back in Jan 2007 and I just could not move forward with my life the debt I had was slighty lower at £25k whatever I earned just seemed to go to the card companys which was only fair as I had used there money.

I was angry at myself for being silly at £25k debt I had nothing to show what I spent that money on I was worried and ashamed what will my family think I got as much info as I could find on going BR and did the deed as I said in Jan 2007.

The moment I left the court I am not joking buddy it felt like I had lost all the weight and stress of my mind and shoulders, looking back now I was unsure what would happen but looking at it now it was the best thing I have done for my future ahead.

Your thinking BR thats scary what will happen what will the judge and OR do, there human being's they will help you move on it's what you need to do.

It will be two years this Jan since I went BR I was discharged in Jan 2008 I have a great job saving as much as I can and am very happy in the life I have now.

Bank I used when I went BR was

I opened a Co op cashminder account after I went BR in Jan 2007 ran this account perfect became discharged from BR Jan 2008 a few weeks ago applied at Abbey was given a full current account with Visa debit card. Life is back to normal the co op account is super does the job whilst BR.

Do I feel ashamed about once being BR... Yes I do everytime I think about money or credit I remember those bad times which makes me think twice and to never make them mistakes again.

Get as much info from CAB people on forums try debtquestions.co.uk the people there are the ones that helped me out.

I really wish you the best you sound like a good person and I am sure things will get a whole lot better for you.

God bless

finito

Hey, dad of squirt.

Take time out to remember one thing!! None of your current debt is what you set out on purpose to do!! It's the way things go sometimes!!!! Circumstances change for us all. They did for me, and I am now BR. But you know what? I am still a dad. And I still have my children and they still love me!! No matter what, they still love me!!:j

Go up to your childs room as they sleep. Open the door without waking them. Put your hand on that childs chest and just feel the rise and fall of that childs chest as they sleep. YOU DID THAT!! You brought that child into the world, and that child needs you!!!!!!

Ok, things ain't great for you at the moment. but that can be changed.

I am a father of 3. I am BR, and I am on way back to the top. No more credit for me, but I now laugh without reservation, and my children reap the benefit of that.

Nothing you have done has made you a bad parent. It's just the way things go sometimes.

Post here, and you will get all the help, advice and support you need.

From one parent to another, I got my smile back, so can you!!

fiveyearplan

Great post finito!

squirtsdad

Finito, Neyo, Five year - all of you

You will never know how much your words mean to me. Bad weekend. Dont normally wallow like that and feel a little silly as there are people on this board worse off than me but it all sometimes gets to you you know?

Just to say thanks. Moving on today and going ahead with no doubt a few questions along the way but a determination to make a better life for the family and hopefully to make them proud of me again.

You just will never know

chelseabun_3

Squirtsdad,

I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better, and I hope things continue to look up. Keep asking anything you want to know.
Finito's post just made me cry! That was a really lovely, gentle post Finito - thank you! CBx;)

dalip

I really don't think that there is anybody on this forum who has not been in that very dark place that you were in at the wkend. Thats why you get posts like finito's.This is the most understanding place out,apart from the odd troll of course.

Keep positive and if you have a down day just try to get through them and realise that you will get bad days as well as good days. Once this is all over for you the good days will far outweigh the bad days.


Finito :A .Excellent post.
Dx

Between you and me your family should be proud of you now for dealing with your situation.

Sunk

squirtsdad wrote: »

Hello There
Welcome squirtsdad:beer:

I am self employed as a web designer and seem to spend my time helping clients who never get round to paying me and I am so "nice" I dont seem to worry and then find my self in this mess while they all drive around in flash cars etc.

When you are self-employed for some strange reason clients think you can wait for your money don't they?:rolleyes:
It happens time & time again.
I wonder when they go to Tesco's they say at the check-out 'can I pay you later'?

I am not sure Im can go through with the br because I feel so ashamed. Really not bothered what they do to me but just wonder if I will cope with the shame of being so damn useless.

Rule no.1......NEVER feel ashamed.

Problem is I only seem to have two options. BR or a pay out on the life insurance which would at least give the family some security after my debts are paid off. Under the doc for stress but other than pills this does not seem to help. I am trying to keep a happy face for the family as they worry so much but dont know what to do.

Your health is far more important than any debt.
Good on you for sharing your problems with us.
A problem shared IS a problem halved, corny but hey, true.

Had advice from the CCCS to consider BR and that seems like the best action so please bear with me over the coming weeks as I may need some help.

I know it is more difficult for the 'man of the house' to share his feelings etc, but this is the first step on the road to a good future.


Sorry for all the waffle but had to get it off my chest somewhere.

All the best

Dunpayin

Hi SD

I'm self employed and have just gone BR last wednesday. Pretty much managed to run up 16K debt in 3 years, just learning how to run a business. Spent the first year or two being 'nice' to customers, ie underestimating contracts, and then failing to re-negotiate prices. This wasn't them taking me for granted; it was my lack of confidence/experience/business-mindedness. These days I ask for a booking deposit, an initial materials downpayment, and state a clear payment schedule.

I could not get out of the debt hole because of the interest building up. If you don't earn enough, you don't earn enough! Going BR aint something to be ashamed of, it takes guts and proves you've been through a very hard time. It's true, you can smile and laugh more when there aren't wolves at the door...

I reckon being a self employed BR is not a bad position to be in, because you can (to a certain degree) control the amount you are working, and so making it easier to avoid IPA's. Since I've only been BR for about 4 days, this IS NOT the voice of experience

You've got a family, you run your own business and you're taking your debts in hand. You don't sound useless to me. Good luck, and don't stop the 'waffle'

D*

fiveyearplan

squirtsdad wrote: »

Finito, Neyo, Five year - all of you

You will never know how much your words mean to me. Bad weekend. Dont normally wallow like that and feel a little silly as there are people on this board worse off than me but it all sometimes gets to you you know? There will always be people worse off (and better off!) than you but sometimes that doesn't matter its all relevant. We all have times like that!

Just to say thanks. Moving on today Great news! and going ahead with no doubt a few questions along the way but a determination to make a better life for the family and hopefully to make them proud of me again.

You just will never know

Yes, we will know and do know because we've all been where you are now so take comfort, we've all survived it however I'm sure at one point we didn't know how we get through such awful times.

Rylynn

I am a single mum and know what it is like to feel ashamed, like I let my son down, my youngest is still at home. I worked my socks off to pay an IVA til I became sick, then I felt guilty that I could not work, and was off for a year, then the IVA failed.

I went bankrupt on 22 October, I can never explain the feeling as I left court, it was like it is gone! all of it has gone, I am free to move on.

I was very tearful around 15 mins later, it was such a huge relief, I had tried everything I could to repay the debt my partner left me with and it amounted to over £55k, and no none was a mortgage I live in a council house. I have been down a long road, but have finally seen the end of that road, and I know that having had no credit for 3.5 years due to being in the IVA I will never ever have any again.

I doubted if I could go through with BR but these people here on this site saw me through the dark days, the form filling my endless questions, and all with humour and humility.

None of us are perfect but once we face up to what the problem is and then start to deal with it we are on the right track to taking control of our own lives and those of our families.

Wishing you well, and people here will always be around to answer even the most dumb of questions as they realise it may seem dumb to the asker but they had the same questions, worries, nerves, and came out the other end of it all, and are here to support others going through that same dark tunnel.

Take care.

Rylynn