Feeling so ashamed

squirtsdad

Hello There

I am a married dad of a lovely three year old boy who is in debt (unsecured) to £27,600 and feeling so bad about my situation.

I was made redundant 14 years ago a week before we married and financially I have never felt straight since.

My wife moved in to my mums home with me as we could not afford to buy and the situation has never changed. I dont smoke, drink about a pint a fortnight and go out less than once a month. Im sitting in a Reebok shirt that is over 8 years old and really dont feel I life an extravagant life but am still in debt with monthly income not matching my outgoings.

I am self employed as a web designer and seem to spend my time helping clients who never get round to paying me and I am so "nice" I dont seem to worry and then find my self in this mess while they all drive around in flash cars etc.

I am not sure Im can go through with the br because I feel so ashamed. Really not bothered what they do to me but just wonder if I will cope with the shame of being so damn useless.

Problem is I only seem to have two options. BR or a pay out on the life insurance which would at least give the family some security after my debts are paid off. Under the doc for stress but other than pills this does not seem to help. I am trying to keep a happy face for the family as they worry so much but dont know what to do.

Had advice from the CCCS to consider BR and that seems like the best action so please bear with me over the coming weeks as I may need some help.

Sorry for all the waffle but had to get it off my chest somewhere.

dalip

Hey you get it off your chest as much as you like here. This place is not just for questions about bc:D . We have(or most of us anyway) felt completely useless,financial bums,, ashamed ect but we all did what we had to do. It takes some getting used to to but you do accept bc eventually. Don't beat yourself up over it.

We are not saying it's a bed of roses but it sure beats the hell out of all those phone calls,letters and fears about answereing the door:o . Dx

suzybabyuk

Hi, and welcome
I too am pre BR decision but hey, you mustn't feel ashamed OR useless! Just keep on smiling as much s you can, hey you have a lovely child and wife, what more could you ask? Money, debt, it's only maths, it will get sorted one way or another

fiveyearplan

Hi squirtsdad and welcome. We've all had the same feelings you do but just remember your family don't have you around just because of a paypacket - they have you because you're you! In any event, life insurance doesn't pay out for suicide so don't even go there. You are sorting your debt out and then you can get back to your old self. Debt can really cloud your mind and sometimes you feel like life is on hold.

When you don't press your clients for payment just think of it as they are taking food out of your family's mouths because thats what they are doing. Make sure you agree a price beforehand and it should be payable when you finish the job. Would you consider asking a plumber round to fix something and then say -I'll get around to paying you later? No, he expects payment before he leaves and so should you.

You'll get through this as all of us have. Good to hear you've contacted CCCS. Post away any other questions you may have.

squirtsdad

Thanks for the nice words.

Good to hear that others care and that I am not alone in the way I feel.

At the computer now telling clients to pay their hosting or lose their websites. Sounds hard but so is life!!

Thanks again

fiveyearplan

How do your clients pay for their websites hosting? Is it an annual payment or monthly? If it is monthly can they not set up a direct debit to pay you as then they wouldn't have to 'remember' it.

skylight

Why are you being hard?? You are a business, not a charity. These people allowed you to undertake some work on their behalf in exchange for money. They are taking you for a ride over it.

I assume that you did not provide any passwords etc to the hosting/sites etc so you can close them down? What sort of letters are you writing? Have you written requests/demands to them before?????? Are these bills or ongoing payments (per month etc)???

squirtsdad

I pay for each customer to my supplier each month via S/O but clients seem to pay whenever. By invoice each three/four months. With most I get the money but I am an interest free loan for a few months.

Done a deal with H/O so the clients can pay them direct and I am taken out the equation. They are very business minded and will just take the sites down if they do not get the payment each month.

Tomorrow I am going to cancel all the S/Os and the clients will have to pay from December 1st if they want to keep the sites.

I am not blaming the clients. They are just taking advantage of me not being business minded enough and this has been one of my downfalls over the last few years.

fiveyearplan

Will H/O pay you your cut?

baby_balloon

Hi Squirtsdad, just wanted to say hi and welcome

I know Im only saying what others already have but we have all felt like you have at some point- someone said to me that I should consider this a positive step instead of feeling ashamed.... you are taking control and looking after your family just by tackling your debt and posting on here. so well done!

Keep posting and take care x

fiveyearplan

The amount is all relative peka2k. I'm sure the OP has been through all his options and thought long and hard about his decision.