when do i class myself as newly seperated?

homealone_2

i have been married for years, living together for 6. we have no children together but grown up kids from previous relationships. shortly after marrying had accident and had to stop work and start claiming DLA AND IB my company also started paying me an income loss type of insurance they had that i knew nothing about which is about £350 a month. this and my benefits is my only independent income my husband earns £30,000 a year and so we managed ok. when we met i had £12,500 in savings and he had awful credit history and debts allover the place including a £12000 loan he had been ignoring for months. being an ex bank worker i knew about loans etc and over period of 3 years helped pay off debts from his last relationship and after a year also set up a monthly payment with halifax to pay back this £12000. whilst getting married we became one of the many thousands of people who received tax credit payments incorrectly which we had agreed after years of dispute to pay £15 a month each (thank god this in joint names) which i am now reconsidering disputing having read details on an advisory site similar to this. i now have a £12000 loan too from halifax in my own name which we jointly ran up and paid £6000 of my savings to a finance company to pay off his car. what with wedding and living all my savings are now gone and i have this loan and a £5000 credit bill hanging over me. last week after a trivial row he packed up all his possessions and i mean everything and left. i had an accident over weekend and ended up in hospital with suspected broken neck and yet he still answered no ones texts or calls beyond the original call informing him of being in hospital. he has taken money out of joint account which i guess he feels his rightly his being half of his salary, yet i have all the usual bills going out not to mention a £517 a month rent bill. i know it is early days and that althought he said he was leaving no other contact has been made and maybe stupidly i still think maybe it will all resolve itself in time what do i do now?? i cant run the house on my money alone and with only one dependant who is nearly 18 and at college do not qualify for income support or such like but i do need some help. do i apply for housing and council tax help or is it too early and if it does all become official do i have any recourse on money we have jointly spent but is in my name or do i have to pay up and chalk it up to experience. something i have done several times already and really thought this time was different or do i struggle along for a bit longer and see what happens. i know especially housing and council tax benefit takes forever to sort out and will feel pretty stupid if we are back together by then. and what about our joint account, there is no cash as such left in there but there is a £3000 overdraft which for the minute i have transferred elsewhere. i cant take his name off account without his signature but i can close it and open a new one but if i do this i doubt i would qualify for such a large overdraft and not working would i get a visa card?? am so upset and confused and have only been discharged from hospital this evening and although i want to just hide under the duvet indefinitely i am scared i should be doing something to try and sort myself out financially. any advice would be gratefully received cant think staright and cant stop myself crying

belfastgirl23

Sorry homealone, don't think I can be of any help to you on the bigger parts of your question. I think you should probably repost on the debt free wannabe where you will probably find many other people with the same issues.

On the relationship end, have you heard anything at all from your husband since he left? In your heart were you totally taken by surprise when he left or were you kind of expecting it? And has anything else changed in the relationship lately, has he been distant or under a lot of stress at work? I guess what I'm trying to figure out is whether this is really a heat of the moment decision or whether it's something he was just waiting for the right time to do?

My other concern would be if you have tried all the people you would have expected him to go to to cool off, then where is he at the minute? Do you have any gut feeling about this?

But I do think on the debt side for now you should start laying plans assuming that he isn't coming back - I know on the debt free wannabe board they advise looking at the CCCS information - if you check DFW it's at the top of the board I think this will help you with your debt questions.

Sorry not to have any better advice, just hold tight for now and try to have faith that this too will pass....

Paparika

I hope you recover well and quickly.

I guess you need to get some contact from him to find out his intentions.

Becuase if you decide now that you are single, and start getting council tax discounts etc etc and he comes back next week, you will need to change it all back so that you don't get accused of fraud etc...

If he refuses to talk to you then tell him via text if he's being silly that that's it marriage over and get on with your life and contact all companies that you need to, make sure that any debts in his name stay in his name,

Don't let him disappear by taking his name off all bills and leave you in the lurch, my ex did that, took me 10 years to pay his debts off whilst all my bills turned to debts. eventually debt free, but i wouldn't like to be back in debt with a mans debt ever again.

homealone_2

On the relationship end, have you heard anything at all from your husband since he left? In your heart were you totally taken by surprise when he left or were you kind of expecting it? And has anything else changed in the relationship lately, has he been distant or under a lot of stress at work? I guess what I'm trying to figure out is whether this is really a heat of the moment decision or whether it's something he was just waiting for the right time to do?

still not heard anythng and yes was totally out of blue. him and my 17 yrd old have been butting horns alot recently and at times have made hubbue feel totally unwanted. has been stressed at work and working really long hours have seen payslips showing overtime so dont see how he would have had the time to be seeing anyone else. as for me and him not been as close as used to be but being disabled only six months after marrying has obviously completely changed the dynamics

he is staying with mum well at least that was where he went on the night and was there the following night

homealone_2

Paparika wrote: »

I hope you recover well and quickly.

I guess you need to get some contact from him to find out his intentions.

Becuase if you decide now that you are single, and start getting council tax discounts etc etc and he comes back next week, you will need to change it all back so that you don't get accused of fraud etc...

If he refuses to talk to you then tell him via text if he's being silly that that's it marriage over and get on with your life and contact all companies that you need to, make sure that any debts in his name stay in his name,

Don't let him disappear by taking his name off all bills and leave you in the lurch, my ex did that, took me 10 years to pay his debts off whilst all my bills turned to debts. eventually debt free, but i wouldn't like to be back in debt with a mans debt ever again.

unfortunately alot of the debts are in my sole name- been stuck like this before so would think i should know better but if you knew him you would say all of this is so out of character. in his silence i am imaging allsorts has he had a breakdown, has he someone else. i just dont know he is still not answering his phone or texts no matter who has sent them

i have got ball rolling as in applying for application for help with rent and council tax as no way could manage them and trying to apply for EMA for mark. dreading filling in housing form as tried when dan was off for 3 months and they went through whole life with a tooth comb every penny tha was transferred out of account they wanted to know where it went and even though we showed them how it was transferred from savings which were then nil we put it in current account to cover overdraft they were not convinced. i guess any transfers that are on account now i can simply say hubbie withdrew it and would save me hunting for receipts to prove we were not trying to defraud them

belfastgirl23

Just a wee line, I'm running out of the house now but hope you're feeling better today...

Paparika

have you heard anything Homealone.

if he is staying at his mum, if you can go round and ask him what his intentions are, as you stated you need to get organised asap

homealone_2

i still have heard nothing and he still wont answer his phone or texts i saw a letter from his old bank yesterday and opened it and it confirmed his change of address dated saturday, on saturday i was still assuming it was temper that made him leave the night before and that he took everything to prove his point yet he was already on phone changing his abnk details