dont know where to turn

what2bfree

Hello i have been looking around this site and trying to sort out what to do. My finances are is a mess. Mostley due to my bad management. Other issues too. Like bumped someones car last week and i have no car insuarance :eek: :eek: :eek: very wrong of me i know, and I have not admitted this to other party yet. A prosicution is in the offing i am sure. I have just been brushing things under the carpet and now its all coming to a head. Its making me ill., Im at the point now where i cannot eat. I seem to have an aversion to paying bills and debts i owe, dont know where that comes from. both my husband and myself are in permernant full time employement, he knows nothinh about any of this as i deal with our finances, buts it getting harder too keep hidden. I know telling him would be best and come clean but i just cant bring myself to do it.
Any contructive advice welcome

Thankyou

Silverbird

You definitely, definitely have to tell him your husband. He needs to know, as this will affect him as well, but he also needs to know in order that he can take over control of all finances, as it appears you're probably not the best person to be dealing with these, at least at present (and no offence is meant here).

I would strongly advise you seek the advice of the CAB, who can advise you on what to do about the car and also where to go from here. Their advice is free.

Just telling somebody else about financial problems can ease so much pressure from you and different viewpoints and their support is invaluable in your journey to become debt-free.

Best of luck and let us know how you get on.

10past6

Welcome to the forum :hello:

One way or another you're going to have to face the consequences of your action, maybe right now the consequences of your husband are greater than any prosecution, that being said, you need him on your side.

I would seriously consider telling him, maybe send him a text saying you have something important you want to discuss when he gets home, etc., etc.,

To start of on your road to recovery, click here and complete your SOA (Statement of Affairs) lets see if we can trim your outgoings.

RAS

Just be careful how you word the text - incase he thinks he is comming home to a "dear John" session.

piglet39

Hiya what2befree.

First of all welcome. You are in the right place. Without sounding patronising it takes a lot just to admit you need some support!

I empathise - I didn't tell my husband anything for years - hiding bank statements/racing him for the post, always panicking that his switch card wouldn't authorise and then I'd have to come clean. This had a huge toll on my physical and mental health.

I suspect that you know that peeps are going to write and say that you need to tell him but I do understand that this is difficult and the lovely peeps on here understand too.

Firstly though - get on the phone to CCCS or National debtline (or payplan I think) These are free debt advice charities. Believe me sweetie you will feel a lot better once you have spoken to someone.

Secondly - sit down with a strong cup of tea (or something stronger!) and tell your husband. Yes he will be shocked. Yes he might be angry but you are in this together aren't you?

Thirdly - post your soa up here and I am sure that the peeps on here will have a look and give you some pointers and a starting point.

Take care

Piglet

ajaney

Hi

Welcome to the forum.

The first thing to do is to tell your Husband. You cannot hide this from him forever & it will be a weight off your shoulders. He may be mad at first & you will feel dreadful at the time but in the long run, it has to be done.

>>Like bumped someones car last week and i have no car insuarance very wrong of me i know, and I have not admitted this to other party yet. A prosicution is in the offing i am sure<<

How bad is this bump? You could offer to pay the garage directly for the repair & tell the other person that you are doing this to speed things up. If the police are not involved at the moment, they should only become involved if you or the other party informs them. I totally understand that money may be tight but if you can sort this out by just paying for the repair direct to the person or garage save anyone else being involved, you should do it.

The next thing to do is to take a deep breath & do a Statement of affairs (see my signiture). I hazard a guess that perhaps both you & your Husband have been living beyond your means & it has caught up. Therefore you need him on board to resolve the matter.

hope this helps a little - trust me, you're not the first & won't be the last.

iolanthe07

Debts can be dealt with and are civil matters, but not having car insurance is the most serious aspect of this and will, rightly, result in your prosecution and a criminal conviction. Try to imagine how you would feel if an uninsured driver hit you or your car. Does your husband know that you have been driving round illegally? I really think you ought to tell him. Then come back on this board and post an SOA so that all the clever people here can help you sort your finances out. Martin asks us to be nice to moneysavers, and mostly this is followed. But don't expect people to be nice to you about not having car insurance because many people do without a lot of other things in order to pay for this.

misspoppy

Hi

I don't think I'd send your husband a text things like that always cause more trouble than expected. The best thing to do is to tell your husband that you need his help because you've got yourself into a bit of a mess. Then explain about the car insurance and maybe you will be able to get their car repaired without the insurance coming up. If you can't get round it that way you need legal advice.

Once you've done this go through the finance side of things and maybe speak to CCCS or similar if things are that bad.

Good luck

LoulaBelle

Okay so speak to the person who you had the bump with and apologise and say would they get a couple of quotes as if possible you want to pay for the damage yourself and not involve insurance companies but do this fast before he/she instructs theirs - then pay up for their damage and get yourself insured - even third party only is better than no insurance at all

Primrose

You really must tell your husband as soon as possible. Take a deep breath and just do it. Of course he will be angry, but the longer he's kept in ignorance the worse it will be. You need his support to get your problems resolved.
And please don't drive your car any more until you have got it insured however much you need it. I don't know where you live, but police recognition cameras are everywhere now and can pick up cars which are not insured by checking their car registration plates with the DVLA in Swansea. You could find police calling at your door to check you have an insurance certificate and if you don't there's a possibility that your car could be seized and even crushed.

halight

Hi welcome to the forum.
I know its going to be very hard foor you but you really need to take control now. First you need to work out how much you owe and how much you have coming in and going out each month.
The get on the phone to cccs or debt line. I dont know the number but its on this website somwere. But im sure some nice person on here could put it up in a post.
After you have spoken to one of these and took there advice you need to tell you HO. This will be hard i know But it has to be done.
But at lease if you have spoken to some one first and had there advice you can tell him that you are trying to sort it out. If you can not tell him face to face why not write him a letter telling him whats happend and how sorry you are but you are going to try and sort it/ you have taken some advice and you now need his help and above all support.
One it sinks in him will forgive and sorport you im sure of it.

The people at debt line and cccs are very good and that wont juge you or anything like that.

You will get throuth this and the stree and upset of all this will pass
But you need to take contro; now before it gets any worse.
Good luck and keep us updated with how you get on.