teenagers and pocket money

Caz3121

partner is divorced and 2 children 14/15 live with their mum.

He pays £475 cm and was giving the children £30 per month each as pocket money. They both wanted contract phones so this is now £20 for the phone and £10 to them. In addition his parents give them £15 per month each. (and their grandpa giving them a monthly amount) They live a great distance away and only ever seem to phone to ask for money. It was his birthday last week and didn't even get a card. He also pays their line rental for the home phone so he can call them although he has had to bar all mobile calls etc as dd 14 would spend 4 hours a night calling mobiles and last few bills were well over £150.

Their mother has said she has an income of £15k from tax credits and cm in addition to her wages from 3 part time jobs but the children say she spends all her money on drink (although we know that may be just children) She does not give them pocket money and instead gives them money as they need it so they have no idea about the value of money and budgetting.

Partner has at last had a LBM and we are working through debts - loan/c cards/overdraft of over £20k so after repayments, maintenance and rent/bills etc (which we share 50/50) he is left with less than £50 for the month.

Children phoned last week wanting money to go to a fair and he said no he didn't have it - since then he has been met with abuse about how he doesn't care about them, only gives them £10 which only lasts 2 days and how would he manage on that, how their mother has had to give them her last £s and answerphone message full of f***ing this and f***ing that

Neither of them want a part time job - they have had the opportunities but it would impact on the time with their mates or the jobs are boring so not interested in earning money just expect it handed to them as they need it (oh to be able to go to my employer and say "you need to give me more because I want it") plus they both smoke!!!! so obviously that is where the pocket money goes.

His debt was incurred since the breakup of his marriage 5 years ago. Wife left and moved abroad and he basically kept giving her what he couldn't afford (£1000+ per month plus all school costs etc) even though she was living with another bloke. Even now she does not quite understand the concept of cm and still expects him to pay for things for the children - yesterday she called to say they need new trainers and would he go halfs - he has no problem with it however it would never occur to her that maybe that is what the cm is for it is almost as though that is for her (I know it covers rent bills etc) and I believe she winds the children up about how she has no money to buy them things and to ask their father....when they come to us they come with a shopping list (and he pays all their travel approx £200 per month on flights) His ds called last night to say sarcastically "so are you you going to contribute to my trainers or not"

They decided they did not want to come in October so are now sating that as he didn't pay flights (which tend to increase the debt or are paid my me) that he must have loads of spare cash to give them and is just being mean

How can teenagers be taught about money...I would have thought it would be better for their mother to give them a monthly amount rather than as and when to teach them to budget but not in a position to enforce that! If he says yes each time they call he would be paying out around £80 per month for each of them which is way too high....they are surely in for a big shock when they hit the real world...ds 15 is adamant that at 16 he will be leaving school, getting a PT job (doesn't want to work full time) and give his mother £20 per week until he finds a flat to move in with his mates.

I am just really upset at the way they have spoken to and treated him as they are not getting their own way for once.

cazziebo

Welcome to the world of teenagers! That is what they're like - and rest assured, mum will be getting similar treatment too.

Tbh, they're not your kids, and you don't really have the right to criticise how they are brought up. That's for their mum and dad to do. My two have their dad around their little fingers. I tell him to say no, it works for me. I think he gives in too easily.

You would be much happier, and more chance of this relationship lasting, if you could just back out of this. Don't judge, don't comment.

I don't want this to sound overly harsh. Brave woman, you've got in tow with a man who comes with the package of teenage children. I know it's not easy, but at the end of the day I've had the 15 years or so good memories to get me through the bad times. Partners of parents don't have that to tide them through! They do get through it and turn out okay, even the most dreadful ones - usually. This is his issue to deal with, let him get on with it.