Time out

mummytofour

Lots and lots of plans for 2006 and really looking forward to the year, if all goes as we would like, at least.

Anyway mummytofour will become mummytofive round about april time.
:j :j
Dh works long hrs in London, his commute can take 2 hrs and he never knows when he will be home because of where we live and the amount of money we spend on travel (HUGE amounts) and the hrs dh works, there is an idea that dh may take another direction in life... no real plans, just a job change, something other than the high flying postion he has now, a kind of career break where he will do a simple job, prob with a much lower wage, but a job that would enable him to be around more for the family and enjoy life a lot more than he does at the mo.

Anyway, I wonder if any of you have taken a step bk and if so has it worked out better or worse? do you feel happier with the changes you made?

TIA
Vxx

Savvy_Sue

In a way it's happened several times. DH has always worked reasonably close to home. But he was told his company was moving the same day I had my first midwife appointment with No. 3. I cried my way through most of that pregnancy but in the event we stayed put, he was working initially from a scaled down office and then from home once baby was born. It was very cramped, that baby never had slept in anything other than a travel cot in our bedroom! Then they made him redundant - boy were we glad we hadn't moved (as yes, they would still have made him redundant!) I must say it was fantastic to have him at home for those few months, he could go and pick the older two up for me and we could TALK to each other. He did get another job quite quickly, but I was hugely relieved when he DIDN'T get one in London: although it would have been a reasonable commute by train (40 minutes) I didn't think it would do him any good.

Then when the youngest was 7 we decided to move and that he would change career. Initially he transferred to his company's SW office, he stayed with a friend near there during the week and came home at weekends. That was not really much fun for any of us: his daily journey was a real grind for him, and I was trying to prepare for moving etc but we were both exhausted all the time. After we moved properly he went part-time for a few months, I got a full-time job, and then he left regular paid employment to do what we'd come her to do. That was a huge income drop for us but it worked very well. DH could usually be around for the boys, and working full-time suited me quite well (I'm not very good at this mothering lark!)

Well, things didn't work out quite as planned, and he was at a bit of a loose end, so someone involved in a local charity asked if he'd help manage it on a part-time basis to cover some long-term leave. 4 years later he's still there, only full-time, and I've changed back to part-time work to be around for the boys, and we're probably between us earning a bit less than his salary before we started all this mucking about.

He now works stupidly long hours - he's just finished doing a couple of hours on the computer now and said 'goodnight' to me! - but he loves it. He can be reasonably flexible about his hours and we work just down the road from each other so we usually travel to work together and manage to have lunch out sometimes. Plus he feels he's making a difference now in a way which he wasn't when he was programming computers to give insurance quotes!

But apart from him not working so hard, I wouldn't have it any other way. Our offspring are older than yours (never again!) and I wish he had been around more when they were younger. A friend said she always used to say she felt like a single mother with financial support, and there were times when I did too.

However, I would do the sums carefully. There is a balance to be struck between time with your OH and losing sleep over how to pay the bills.

Better go and join DH in bed ... or he won't be pleased!

funky-footprints

we've done it and as a family i say go for it !!

my husbands new salary is prob 1/3 ££ of what it was and we have had to juggle a lot of things to adjust to this, (this board sure helps) I guess we always will juggle now, especially as dh is classed as a trainee in his new job (something at 32 he hates !) however the quality of time we have together as a family has bought us much closer together and prob re-united my husband and I. He missed out on a hell of a lot of the childrens baby days, and would work 6 days out of 7 with his schedule being planned only one week ahead so we couldnt plan anything in advance, the number of weddings, birthdays, funerals etc i have done on my own was getting harder and harder, as he was away most weekends, he only just made our sons arrival, and totally missed our daughters.

The best thing is we now have weekends, bank holidays and this year after 9 years together we have a christmas !! although totally skint we are now talking about making our family bigger, where as 12 months ago i was pushing him to the vasectomy clinic, as i was sick and tired of doing everything on my own!!! as savvy-sue said, i did feel like a single mother but financially secure, id much prefer the support anyday. He used our home purley for his evening meal and a bed for his head.

I guess being a workaholic is in some peoples blood as dh isnt quite working the 9-5 that everyone else in his office is, he wants to progress, so he leaves home at 6 ish every morning, but by choice as he does an hour every morning in the gym, however on friday he is home by 5 or 5.30. he now takes our son to swimming & golf lessons and most nights is home either before or just after bath time, the kids loving having thier daddy back !!

Threadhead

I cant offer any words of wisdom, but I'd like to say "Congratulations". (My best mate found out she was pregnant with number 4 last night). :xmassign:

Ticklemouse

We did it too. We used to live in the south-east, both had well paid jobs, but Mr TM was working in central London. He hated the area, hated the particular job and organisation he worked for and what brought it home to him, was the fact that he would NEVER be able to spend DS1's birthday with him, whatever day of the week it fell. He didn't see him at all on his 2nd birthday and that was enough. As it happened, events at his work pushed him into making a decision.

So, in 2002, we upped sticks and moved to the North-West (where I'm from) However, not only did he give up his well-paid job with good pension and benefits, I also gave up my job. We'd just had DS2 as well (10 weeks old) We went from £50+k per year to a £6k student grant while he retrained :eek: We had to move to a cheaper area and it took all of our savings to manage. However, it can be done and yes, you do have to tighten your belts (as I keep telling Mr TM who still thinks we earn £50k a year) However, he now works Mon-Fri, is home by 5pm and is far more relaxed and can be a proper father

(However, as he now sees the chaos that is a small boy's birthday party, he now wishes he wasn't there ) Mind you, the upside is that we have a far bigger and better house than we could have ever afforded in the SE.

Al_Mac

Would love to give it up. Unfortunately I'd never get another job. Nerves wouldn't get me through an interview.

Would love to go part time,the people I currently work for wouldn't let me.

I did go for voluntary redundancy figures, got them, my boss said not a chance.

If you can downsize/de-stress/chill out or whatever, do it, I would.

:xmassign:

Savvy_Sue

Al_Mac wrote:

Would love to go part time,the people I currently work for wouldn't let me.

But don't they have a legal obligation to consider a request for family friendly working? Hope someone can point us to chapter and verse ...

Alleycat

Depends on the circumstances. There is the right to request flexible working, but it is aimed at people with children under 6 or under 18 if the child is disabled. The employers have to give a VERY good reason for refusal.

Here is a link to the DTI website explaining how it works and how to apply.

mummytofour

carol_a wrote:

We both worked in the city, lived in South east, gave up good jobs and moved to Cornwall 26 years ago.

We did look at this, but I think both Dh and I at
end of the day were a little too scared, altho he was looking at doing art at Falmouth, I think close to what we know is prob better for us.

Family friendly.. Yes I know all the rules about that. Dh is in a very hard postion, basically his boss is a total d**k but there it is a lot more complicated that that, I wont bore you all with the details, but lets just say, never in a month of Sundays, would it happen.
On top of this Dh dare not even tell anybody at work about number 5 for fear of the jibes, he is always the brunt of crude jokes because of the number of children we have, his office is full on young 20 somthing single guys, not that dh is that old at 29.


Im very greatful for all your imput and to be honest it re-enforces what I know I what to happen I like others of you have said feel like a single mum, which is really tough, not what I want for our family at all.

I will never forget the day of my dd 3rd bithday, the gits dragged him into work when he was booked off, at that point he was freelance and they said if he didnt go in then he would never work there again. Many times situatuations like that have happned...

I just need dh to be sure, hes almost there, esps as when we look at the figures, dh could take a 10k paycut, work close to home and we would be at the same level we are now ( we pay a HUGE amout in travel both rail and pertol). I guess its just the fear...

Vxx

Bargain_Rzl

Al_Mac wrote:

Would love to give it up. Unfortunately I'd never get another job. Nerves wouldn't get me through an interview.

You have my sympathies. I'm in much the same position - hate my job and getting so stressed by overwork/poor relationship with boss that it's affecting my motivation, health and self-confidence. I am hoping to pluck up the courage to resign in the new year, however I'm terrified of job interviews which doesn't help. I get tongue-tied and shaky with nerves. I've only ever really passed one interview in my whole life, which was for a temp job (so not as much pressure) which became permanent - all my other career moves have taken place through informal chats with people I already knew.

I love being in London and am not considering a radical relocation (home-wise) any time soon, but I'd love to work a 35-40 hour week at the very most and am currently looking for jobs in organisations which have flexitime or similar. On the occasions when I've complained to my boss about the discrepancy between the hours in my contract compared with the hours I actually work, I've had to make it very clear that it ISN'T more money I'm after. Just an opportunity for a life outside of work.

fruityslh

We took the plunge almost 3 years ago, we lived in Brum, and have moved out to Derbyshire, main reason was because my DH had already got a job up here, but despite having an economical car, was spending £200+ on petrol, nevermind wear an tear on the car, so he asked if I would give up my job and move.
Very scary to do but within 2 weeks I'd got a temping job (about 2K less than I was earning but the reduction in petrol costs evened that out), made permanent after 18 months and now earn £5K more than I did in my job in Brum and I also get Overtime pay on top, I'm 15 mins from home and we now have a beautiful house in a lovely village (which cost the same as our 2 bed terrace in Brum) with neighbours tha actually speak to us, sometimes that leap into the unkown is the best thing ever, I'm so gald we did it.