what do your husbands/oh's give for housekeeping

miserly_mum

liney wrote: »

And again, i shall point out he pays all the bills!

You still have no idea how much their mortgage is, but have decided it is unacceptable because the OP has to spend her wages too.

You have no idea how much their mortgage is either.

Just because he's a high earner don't assume they live in a big house or indeed if they do, who's to say its on a big mortgage? Maybe his frugal ways means he's paid it off early. Maybe they live in tiny little house with a tiny little mortgage? Maybe you are reading things that aren't there.? Maybe maybe maybe.

He doesn't pay all the bills or else the OP would have ALL her wages to herself?

Yes some are painting him in a bad light without the full facts and perhaps are influenced by some of the OP's previous posts that Others had resurrected on this thread. You are(with no evidence) making him out to be some sort of martyr who is paying a huge mortgage and all the bills while his wife whinges because she can't have her wages all to herself.

The OP has never said she doesn't want to pay anything out of her wages. Indeed nobody who posted actually said they thought she shouldn't pay anything either.

If other posters choose to go off on a tangent assuming this or that or dredge up old posts its not the OP's fault.

Mojisola

zoeleigh wrote: »

the point is, she should be able to ask him for a bit extra for things.

I think the point is that she shouldn't have to ask him for a bit extra! They are partners in a marriage and should be sharing the family income. It's up to each couple to decide how they share their money - and it's obvious from the other replies that there are many successful ways of doing this - but there only seems to be control in this relationship, not sharing.

tarajayne

I can't think of anything worse than a joint account. I don't want to see how much my xmas pressie is costing and after years working in a bank we decided as a couple that money is a constant source of rows and it works for us, not everyone, just us. I really don't think this is about money, as I said before I've been in this situation, my OH is a decent guy he just didn't get what was reasonable behaviour in a relationship. Sharing anything is a huge issue for him. Op needs to talk to him, lots. It took us 2 years to talk it out and change him and I had to try and understand why he was like it.

liney

miserly_mum wrote: »

You have no idea how much their mortgage is either.

Just because he's a high earner don't assume they live in a big house or indeed if they do, who's to say its on a big mortgage? Maybe his frugal ways means he's paid it off early. Maybe they live in tiny little house with a tiny little mortgage? Maybe you are reading things that aren't there.? Maybe maybe maybe.

He doesn't pay all the bills or else the OP would have ALL her wages to herself?

Yes some are painting him in a bad light without the full facts and perhaps are influenced by some of the OP's previous posts that Others had resurrected on this thread. You are(with no evidence) making him out to be some sort of martyr who is paying a huge mortgage and all the bills while his wife whinges because she can't have her wages all to herself.

The OP has never said she doesn't want to pay anything out of her wages. Indeed nobody who posted actually said they thought she shouldn't pay anything either.

If other posters choose to go off on a tangent assuming this or that or dredge up old posts its not the OP's fault.

She has money left over at the end of each week. Her husband pays all the bills aside from food, a very cheap car and fluff, and they have savings. Financially she has little to complain about, and is certainly in a better financial position than many.

The other aspects of the OP's marriage do indeed sound 'unsatisfactory'; to say the least, but financially i really don't think she is hard done by. Joint savings are in order; perhaps she could discuss this with her husband, and suggest an account where both have to sign to make a withdrawal, as trust is clearly an issue due to past debts.

Spendless

We don't have 'his' and 'hers' money. Ok 1 person might be in charge cos they are better at managing it (ie-me;) ) and some money is under my name as I'm not a tax payer, but it's ALL our money. Since having the kids I've either worked p-time or (like now) not at all he shares his money. Likewise during this time I've come into a couple of windfalls, each time I've discussed with my husband what WE are going to do with it, this has included going on a family holiday and having improvements to our house.

OP- did you speak to your husband at the w/end?

Kimitatsu

Surely a marriage is a partnership?

we both work full time now the kids are happily placed in schools and childminder at either end of the day - it has taken some time but we have got there in the end.

We dont have his and hers money - it is all a joint income. When I first met my OH he had come out of a very acrimonious divorce with £30K of debts, a few years later and we are debt free, but it was a joint effort. At the time I only worked part time, as I had children, and we managed on our joint incomes.

Like some of the others here, I deal with all of the finances - its easiest that way, but OH can look at the bank statements at any time.

To the OP, I appreciate that your OH pays all of the bills and for the roof over your head but he has a daughter to contribute towards and from the figures you have given he is certainly capable of doing so, even if it is just £20 a week. You need to sort this out between you and before it becomes a problem that festers.

Good luck - perhaps you should try relate to get an outside view on it so that it does not descend into a huge argument.

TighterThanTwoCoatsOfPain

we're not even married yet... (next year!) and tbh find it frankly bizarre that things aren't "ours"... the concept of his and hers doesnt come into it in my mind... she feels exactly the same... wouldnt be marrying her else! Sounds like a strange set up to me..

Jennywren3

I feel a total mug I am retired but have a very good pension OH has only just in the last 18 weeks started giving me £50 for his keep I pay for everything He isnt earning much money in a part time job but most of his money goes on alcohol I would throw him out but I am not going to let him have half the money of the house which I bought and let him spend it on booze I feel utterly trapped

margaretclare

onlyroz wrote: »

Thought the days were gone when wives had to ask their husbands for money. Brings back visions of wifey standing at the garden gate with her hand out when hubby got back from work with his wages in an envelope...

Good heavens, yes. I thought the whole idea of 'being given money for housekeeping' had gone out of the window long ago. Although having said that, I do know of one or two people who still do this. I met a woman whose husband deals with all the finances and she is given housekeeping money which is meant just to cover food shopping, the paper bill and the milkman. He deals with all else.

We share everything equally. We have a similar income each (from pensions) and we keep a joint account just for household bills, to which we both transfer £135 a month. At present he's in hospital so we're not spending so much on groceries (although there are extra little bits like his fruit salads which are easier for him to eat), petrol and hospital parking. He tells me to use his credit card, but up to now I haven't, I've used mine. Normally we spend approx £60 a week on food, and we share it between us.

I would not live in a relationship under any other conditions. Doing your money on a regular basis is fine, but it has to be a two-way process, not just him seeing your bank statements, you should be able to see his.

margaretclare

arthur_dent wrote: »

My husband pays for everything that is considered essential to live. I get £20 a week to cover Skating, Brownies, Clothes for me and the children, food that is above shopping eg crisps and chocolate, birthday presents, Christmas presents, bus fares, basically anything that I want and the children want but don't strictly need. If someone can reply and tell me I am being ripped off then that would make my day.

Well, clothes for you and the children (how many, how old?) would definitely come to more than £20 a week. Can't comment on what all the other things cost because I don't buy them, but clothes - are they not considered 'essential to live'? Are you supposed to go around naked, or what?