Returning to work after long absence.....how do i cope?

MissMotivation

hayley11 wrote: »

I really feel for you hun, I went through almost the same thing last year.

I felt I had to go back because I wasn't getting paid (was just getting SSP) and was really struggling so work offered me a phased return but this was after 2 months of them putting so much pressure on me. When the day came to go back, I just couldn't face it, I wasn't ready and i'm glad I didn't go back before I was better.

I'd kind of always say being in work is the best thing, because normality is good for you but at the same time your health is the most important thing here and if you think going back is going to make you worse then don't do it. Go and see your GP, get him to refer you to counselling, get some medication if you think that'll help and then when you feel truely ready to go back, then you go back.

I went on the sick August last year and only felt able to get back to work July this year. I ended up leaving my other job because they were making me worse. My manager (who is not medically trained) said that I would be well enough to return 3 weeks after starting my meds

Take care of yourself xx

Your situation sounds so similar to mine its untrue! I don't feel ready to go back at all BUT I am only getting SSP too and I can't afford to be off any longer.

I'm going to see how bad it is next week and if its too bad and I feel too stressed then I may just have to leave anyway. I've had no sympathy from Management...only hassle about when I'm going to go back! They have never even asked me what the cause of the stress is??

pinkshoes

MissMotivation wrote: »

That may be a really good idea! I think I will go and see if I can find a book today. It's strange because in every other area of my life I am this confident, outgoing and assertive person but when it comes to dealing with my superiors at work I just go to peices.

Try thinking of your superiors as just other people, rather than being "above" you. The workplace isn't like the teacher/pupil set up - you're all adults and should be treated with equal respect.

The work the people at the bottom do is just as important as the work done by the people at the top, and neither can function without the other.

When people give me (more!) work to do, I just ask them when they want it done by, then give them the date I can actually do it by. If they don't like it, and want to jump the queue as they believe their task is more important, I tell them to go fight it out with whoever is above them in the queue!

It's all to do with planning, and NEVER agree to do work for someone if you don't physically have time to do it! If they want it doing that badly, they can either wait, or do it themselves!

teabelly

Stress at work is invariably a sign of bad management. Employees don't cause themselves stress, they just want to get the job done as easily and quickly as possible. Bad managers usually believe they have the right to treat those that work for them like total dirt. They never understand they are the problem and will always blame the employee. No point wasting breath trying to get through to them as they are usually too self important to understand they are the problem and it is their actions that are causing the stress. Their bosses dump on them so they dump on you. They pass the pain as they don't usually have the balls to say to those above 'no, I can't meet your stupid deadlines' so they pass them down the tree. They get narky with those that refuse to meet their ridiculous deadlines because they wish they could do the same.

If they want you to do something with a stupid deadline then tell them clearly when you can think you can start and how long it will take. If they are not happy with that ask them to choose what other job you should drop to fit theirs in within their desired time frame and insist that they will go and tell whoever won't get their job done the bad news. Usually the kind of person that overloads a staff member is also too spineless to choose and take the consequences. Making them choose really annoys them and takes the earache out of your hands. ;-) Bad managers also hate you pointing out that they are being unreasonable with rational and logical argument. Make sure you have plenty at hand. Also make a note of their decisions so you can make sure they get all the blame if things go wrong. If they let you decide make sure things go well so they learn that letting you do your work your way leads to less earache for them. Bosses are like dogs, they need training!

I was off for months and months with stress due to bad management and bullying. Returning was the hardest thing I ever did and I realised instantly it was totally the wrong thing to do. I should have just told them to stick the job where the sun didn't shine after getting another. Unfortunately if you have been off sick with stress you are much less desirable to a prospective employer as they just assume it is you that are the problem as being management themselves they can never see their faults. Stress wears you down and makes you feel like you are useless and can't do your job as they're constantly picking fault and moaning about everything. If it doesn't feel any better after a few months back it won't improve so you need to get out.

Arne_2

I am in much the same situation. I will be down to half pay in my next pay. My work sent me to the Occupantional Health Dr after I had been off for more than 3 months, it then took them more than a month to have an interview with me to find out what had caused the problem. They want me to do mediation with my boss and then a phased return to work. I asked if I could work in another area for a couple of weeks to get my confidence back a bit (nearly died having to tell then about just about bursting into tears and nearly having another panic attack cos I put something in the photocopier the wrong way round before the meeting) and they said no.
Part of my problem is a lot of my work is reactive and so when I am asked how long I spend or will spend doing something I cant give answers.

I agree that planning will help you and just trying to get through the next 10 mins and then the next will hopefully make it easier. Having someone you can talk to about how you really feel will also help.

CFC

teabelly wrote: »

Stress at work is invariably a sign of bad management.

I can't let that go unchallenged. It's as bad as saying that stress at work is invariable cried as a revenge when a manager says 'no, you can't do X'.

Both do happen, but neither of them are 'invariable'.

It is as likely sadly someone sometimes is a square peg in a round hole, or that there is simply a personality clash. Sometimes it is that somebody really isn't up to the job, but doesn't realise it. Sometimes it's that the lines of communication are not working properly. Funnily enough Teabelly sometimes it is the manager who gets stressed because someone does not communicate timelines on work delivery to them, and that stress can be infectious. (It is very sound advice to ask your manager to choose your priorities) Sometimes it's that the employee does not get along with the company culture.

There are many causes.

Arne, if your manager asks how long something will take 'I don't know' is not an answer that they will ever be happy with and to be honest it does not give a good impression of being in control, which makes problems worse.

Many tasks are variable and reactive; you could take an average of how long that task has taken over the last 3 months and just give an average answer, and explain how you came to that conclusion. That will alleviate some stress all round and improve communication. It sounds like communication has broken down in your workplace with your manager.

teabelly

Your solution doesn't really work in the field of IT as a lot of problems are new every single time so that you really, honestly don't know. Some jobs you think will take 5 minutes turn out to have complex causes that takes weeks. Others that you think will be a PITA take 20 minutes and turn out to be easy. If you are under a boss that insists you say how long when you don't know then gives you a hard time because the actual time taken deviates even though you made it clear from the outset that it could then you are in an impossible situation. If you say how long you get it in the neck, if you don't you get it in the neck. You cannot work under these conditions sensibly.

How do you carry on communicating to a boss that refuses to see there are problems. Refuses to even consider they could be part of the issue when they have had 2 members of staff off sick with stress, seeing counsellors and both being driven to nervous breakdowns? How do you keep on talking to that brick wall when they have their fingers in their ears singing 'la la la' I can't hear you so there isn't a problem and I don't have to do anything about it? That was the situation me and a few collegues were in. 2 left, they weren't replaced and things spiralled down so far 2 of us that were off sick ended up feeling suicidal and still that wasn't enough to get anything meaningful done about it.

Communication often breaks down when one side doesn't want to listen so the other side stops talking altogether as it gets them nowhere.