Returning to work after long absence.....how do i cope?

MissMotivation

After nearly 3 months off work due to Stress (work related) I have to return to work nexzt Monday. My employer, having made things extremely difficult over the last 2 months, has agreed that I can go back on a phased return with my hours increasing by half and hours each week until I get back up to fullt-time hours.

I'm petrified and TBH the only reason I am going back is financial. I have applied for lots of jobs but have been unsuccessful and bearing in mind that my company do not pay sick pay I have been surviving on next to no money for the past few months.

I'm worried that the Stress will reappear as soon as I walk through the door on Monday and I will be straight back at square one.

Not sure if this the right board to post on but what I wondered is does anyone have any coping strategies to get me through the following weeks?

I feel panicky now just writing about it

whitewing

My friend is going thro a difficult situation and she swears by Rescue Remedy. So you could get some of that.

Also break the day down into 10 min chunks in your mind. So you only have to get thro 10 mins at a time.

Go in smiling. Smile and be friendly even if you don't feel like it. It will help people approach you, and that will help you.

Cultivate a positive mindset. Don't get caught up in 'I need the money but I hate the job'. Be proud of yourself that you are back at work.

Get a notebook and list the things you are doing well each day. List the situations etc that are new to you. This will enhance your CV.

Maybe go to the library or jobcentre and see if there is any literature around that will help. Treat it as a completely new job. In a way, it is.

Best of luck.

Incisor

Every time anyone tries to chisel a little bit off you, smile, because that way they chisel a little bit off themselves.

pinkshoes

Did you work out what was causing the stress in the first place and found a way to eliminate or reduce it? i.e if you found the work load too much, speak to your boss at reducing it. If it was some software you couldn't get to grips with, ask for training etc...

MissMotivation

pinkshoes wrote: »

Did you work out what was causing the stress in the first place and found a way to eliminate or reduce it? i.e if you found the work load too much, speak to your boss at reducing it. If it was some software you couldn't get to grips with, ask for training etc...

It's a combination of a lot of things that has built up over the last year. A change of working hours, this has been addressed and they are letting me go back part-time initially, however, only until the end of the year.

Unreasonable demands from Management, feeling singled out for all the problems in the office, deductions from salary without prior knowledge.....causing me severe financial hardship for that month, unreasonable targets, increased workload due to people leaving and them no replacing them.......the list is endless.

whitewing

I think maybe you need to see if your GP (or someone else) can set you up with some counselling sessions. Then you can meet or phone up regularly to 'offload' onto a neutral party. Offloading onto family and friends may wind you up or depress you further.

Your work itself may have a third party counselling telephone service. If it does, use it now- that's what they are there for. If you have to ring them every night for a week or two...that's what they are there for.

Be kind to yourself too. Whenever I start a new job, I am always shattered for the first few weeks, and that can make me tearful so don't plan too much outside of work for a while. Just remind yourself that you are paying your bills.

Horace

Be thankful that your employer is letting you have a phased return to work. It does help if you can split your day into 10 minute slots as they are easier to get through than thinking at the start that you aren't going to do it. Go in with a positive attitude and more importantly smile (even if you are quaking inside this gives the impression that you are confident). I used to dab a little lavender oil onto my wrists so that I could occasionally sniff them to make me feel instantly relaxed.

If things become too unbearable remember that when you get home you can clean the carpets or whatever, I used to clean my rugs by hanging them over the washing line and imagining my boss's face in its grinning rictus in the centre of each rug which I would then bash the hell out of it - it was a great stress reliever.

In the meantime, register your CV on Monster and visit a few agencies - this will help in your search for a new job and it is far easier to get another one when you are in a job than when you aren't.

Try asking your GP or even your employer (if they have an occy health dept especially) to see if you can have some confidential counselling - this can be helpful and can help you put things into perspective so that you are no longer a target for the office bullies.

Hope this helps. Good luck on Monday.

MissMotivation

No matter how thankful I try to be to my employer, in the back of my mind I can't help but to think that they just want to be seen to be doing the right thing.

I've got some Rescue Remedy so must remember to put it in my bag. Unfortunately although it's not a small company they have no such things as an Occupational Health department. Going to speak to my Doctor about counselling as I think this would really help if they could give me some strategies to help me ge through the day without panicking.

The first couple of weeks should go by quickly as I will only be doing 8.45-2pm/2.30pm.

I just keep thinking if I can make it to Xmas then everything will be ok.....

pinkshoes

MissMotivation wrote: »

I
Unreasonable demands from Management, feeling singled out for all the problems in the office, deductions from salary without prior knowledge.....causing me severe financial hardship for that month, unreasonable targets, increased workload due to people leaving and them no replacing them.......the list is endless.

Would it help if you read a book on assertiveness and confidence or something, because if you felt more confident in dealing with management's unreasonable demands, then perhaps it wouldn't be so stressful?

i.e. if they give you more work, and you already have enough to keep you busy for the entire week, then directly tell them that you'll do it, but you won't be able to start it until next tuesday. Make sure you queue and prioritise all work given, and make it clear when they try and overload you that you don't physically have time (unless they pay you overtime???? ). Perhaps even make your planning schedule available to your boss, so they know exactly how much you already have?

The above will also work with unreasonable targets. You need to be assertive, and TELL your boss that this is unrealistic, and that you'll do it by <insert date> instead.

As for deductions in salary without your knowledge, is that legal?!?

hayley11

I really feel for you hun, I went through almost the same thing last year.

I felt I had to go back because I wasn't getting paid (was just getting SSP) and was really struggling so work offered me a phased return but this was after 2 months of them putting so much pressure on me. When the day came to go back, I just couldn't face it, I wasn't ready and i'm glad I didn't go back before I was better.

I'd kind of always say being in work is the best thing, because normality is good for you but at the same time your health is the most important thing here and if you think going back is going to make you worse then don't do it. Go and see your GP, get him to refer you to counselling, get some medication if you think that'll help and then when you feel truely ready to go back, then you go back.

I went on the sick August last year and only felt able to get back to work July this year. I ended up leaving my other job because they were making me worse. My manager (who is not medically trained) said that I would be well enough to return 3 weeks after starting my meds

Take care of yourself xx

MissMotivation

pinkshoes wrote: »

Would it help if you read a book on assertiveness and confidence or something, because if you felt more confident in dealing with management's unreasonable demands, then perhaps it wouldn't be so stressful?

i.e. if they give you more work, and you already have enough to keep you busy for the entire week, then directly tell them that you'll do it, but you won't be able to start it until next tuesday. Make sure you queue and prioritise all work given, and make it clear when they try and overload you that you don't physically have time (unless they pay you overtime???? ). Perhaps even make your planning schedule available to your boss, so they know exactly how much you already have?

The above will also work with unreasonable targets. You need to be assertive, and TELL your boss that this is unrealistic, and that you'll do it by <insert date> instead.

As for deductions in salary without your knowledge, is that legal?!?

That may be a really good idea! I think I will go and see if I can find a book today. It's strange because in every other area of my life I am this confident, outgoing and assertive person but when it comes to dealing with my superiors at work I just go to peices.

The deductions in my salary are not legal and before I went off sick I raised a greivance about it, I've got a greivance hearing next week so we will see what happens about that!