Can ex-wife demand more than CSA pyt....

mrscareful

Thank you so much timewarper, it is encouraging to know that someone has made it through all this mess and ended up with a good relationship with the child at the end of it all…… I remain convinced that saying only positive things is the only solution, for the sake of everyone’s sanity, especially the child’s! It just feels so unfair at times, but I guess childhood is actually a very small percentage of their lives and hopefully they will indeed be able to recognise propaganda as they get older.

clairec79

Presuming the kids do spend time with you at your home I would tell the child that if it does come to him not being able to keep the budgie at his house he could keep it at ours (and take him to see the film he wants at the cinema)

LizzieS_2

I would just simply tell the children how much you do pay per week, leave it for them to then work it out (may take a few years for them to eventually see it), and if they do come back with things like 'mum says the electric is x' just say so is ours.

Would it help the child if you were to say you put money away for them every week for when they are older? No need to say how much of the 'saving' you pay into their new accounts.

we_are_always_skint

wow!! i am shocked firstly at how much you pay the childrens mother :O and she was stupid enough to question it wanting more... silly silly woman
i agree that at 11 the child is probabally old enough to sit down and explain how much you both pay the mother towards their upkeep. maybe you could give the children pocket money every week when you see them and i think the offer of keeping the budgy at your house is a lovely thing to do (even though i would be dying inside of the thought of having an animal in my home lol). if you can give them pocket money explain that this is their own money and they can spend it on whatever they choose, that way they can still go to the cinema or have sweets/magazines etc and the money isn't going in her pocket

you sound amazing and the kids will grow up with a huge respect for you both, hope it works out for you

FairyElephant_2

clairec79 wrote: »

Presuming the kids do spend time with you at your home I would tell the child that if it does come to him not being able to keep the budgie at his house he could keep it at ours (and take him to see the film he wants at the cinema)

Claire - that is exactly what I was going to say!!!!

Mrscareful - I too know exactly where you are coming from - we have had DH's ex use the emotional blackmail card on us soooo many times (and she was the one who broke up the relationship, got the house, car etc, AND the bloke she'd been carrying on with, who is loaded!)...usually the kids ringing up in tears 'cos 'mummy says you won't pay half for my school trip and I can't go with my friends...' type thing. (school trips seem to be several days away each time and in excess of £300 - BTW - the ex chose the school without any reference to my DH, and we don't approve of it actually.....)
It is very hard, but we explained the whole household budget thing, and the kids could understand (without having it hammered unto them) that mummy & her partner have a big house, new cars, lots of weekends away etc, while daddy & me have 10+ years old cars, a little house, and go camping & walking a lot!
We still do get the requests sometimes, but usually we can say they can have money instead of Xmas, birthday or whatever presents, and sometimes they decide not to bother! At least that way the kids work out their own priorities....

I wish you all the luck in the world with this one - but as other posters have said, I would drop the money as soon as you can, and it serves her right for being greedy!

SuziQ

TBH with a woman as nasty as this one sounds she would probably slag you both off whether you reduce to the CSA assessed amount or carry on paying £800-some people are just not capable of putting a childs' needs first.Is there anyone else who could broach the subject in an objective way with the child ie grandparent? They may possibly see if differently then no matter what propaganda the mother is spreading. One cinema trip,can't afford the bdgie for £175 drop in income-that's one expensive budgie!

Lise

Hi, I have no idea where to post this but really need help.

My partner left his wife 9 months ago and has paid half the mortgage ever since but leaves him with £50 a month spare money because we live together and share bills and payments. We have split other ways like 70% I pay and 30% he pays and I do pay for things for both of us as well.

We heard that it is law to pay half the mortgage but also have heard that it depends on your circumstance cos she (according to tax credits web and based on her circumstances) also gets tax credits of about £444 a month, but says she only gets about £250 and is pleading poverty a lot so my partner feels guilty for leaving but he has noticed her in new outfits and objects in the house.

As well as wanting him to pay half the mortgage, she wants the equity split to be 35% to him and 65% to her but the house won’t be sold until the kids are older which my partner has suggested. He pays maintenance as well which he is totally fine with as he want to care for his kids as much as he can. So every month he pays over 30% of his wages to her.

He will be seeking legal advice but he has been told it’s £60 per half hour which we can’t afford. She gets legal aid so solicitors have been flying about but she still won’t back down on this. Her solicitor suggested mediation but surely if nothing has been sorted and she won’t back down after 9 months I don’t think mediation will work and it’s £100 per session!

A bit of advice on whether the half mortgage payment may stop if a court assesses his income. Surely the courts want the best for both parties?

Thanks Lise

Krystaltips

If his name is on the mortgage then it is in his best interests to pay half of it. He would also be entitled to half share when it is sold if he can prove he's paid half towards it.

If his name is not on the mortgage then he should be paying maintainance of about 15% for 1 child or 20% for 2.

margaretclare

DH left his ex 11 years ago and never paid a penny for the mortgage from the day he locked the door and drove away for the last time. 18 months later they were divorced. He gave her his half of the equity in exchange for keeping his annuity, which was far more valuable to him. But he never paid any more on the mortgage. When he walked out he was jobless anyway. No children to take into consideration.

Masquerade_2

Lise

It's really important that you seek legal advice.

All the time your partner's name is on the mortgage then technically he is liable to pay it jointly and severally with his wife. However there are various ways of dealing with the issues you talk about under family law.

I can't tell you how important it is to get legal advice. I understand that it is expensive but if you dont get the correct advice you may well pay for it later on by being bound to something which is unfair.

Some solicitors do offer free half hour initial interviews. Contact the CAB who will be able to give you their details.