Can ex-wife demand more than CSA pyt....

mrscareful

My partner has just had his CSA payments confirmed – there was an informal agreement in place for 6 year, which was substantially more than the CSA ruling, but the ex-wife was convinced she could also get a share of my income. She went to the CSA, got told my partner should actually be paying her £175 less than he is each month…. We have completed the direct debit forms and everything. Now the ex says she has closed the CSA case and wants to go back to the existing higher payments. We want to stick with CSA. Can she unilaterally close the CSA case? Do we need to open up a whole new case and do all the forms again??

kelloggs36

She can close the case if she wants, but she can't make your partner pay more!!! Your partner can offer to pay her what the CSA have said he has to pay - and no more. She has no choice - accept what he offers or go to the CSA. silly woman!! lol

Loopy_Girl

Serves her bloody well right!!!!!!!!! I agree with Kelloggs - agree to closing the case but stick to the amount the CSA have said she should pay...when she starts moaning just tell het to go to the CSA if she's not happy!!! She really should have done her research here before upsetting the apple cart eh?!!!!!!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I am only hoping that contact (if there is any) doesn't suffer if she gets all humpty and decides the way to show her anger is to muck about with contact.

£175 quid though eh?!! It's alot of money to suddenly be short of - she must be having kittens!!! (and you and hubby should treat yourself to a bottle of somrthing nice with the extra!;) )

quish

Hehehe my ex did the same she's getting £65 less a month now, I've opened a savings account up for the kids I'll put the extra money in that for them:D

mrscareful

thanks for the comments - i can't help thinking it is indeed poetic justice, although obviously i realise there are children at the heart of this. Loopy girl, your comments are very accurate, my partner got a text last night from his 11 year old begging dad not to cut his money because he now cant go to the cinema and he might have to sell his pet budgie..... i am absolutely furious with the mother for using the children as pawns in all this, especially when you consider she is still getting over £800 per month (no,that's not a typo!).... hell hath no fury etc etc. PLUS, he bought the house she now has, so no mortgage..... and she works. We feel completely gutted because neither of us are prepared to start slagging off mummy to the kids... what do we do, they both are now being told dad is a bas****. Any words of hope from anyone?

Dumbledore55

mrscareful wrote: »

thanks for the comments - i can't help thinking it is indeed poetic justice, although obviously i realise there are children at the heart of this. Loopy girl, your comments are very accurate, my partner got a text last night from his 11 year old begging dad not to cut his money because he now cant go to the cinema and he might have to sell his pet budgie..... i am absolutely furious with the mother for using the children as pawns in all this, especially when you consider she is still getting over £800 per month (no,that's not a typo!).... hell hath no fury etc etc. PLUS, he bought the house she now has, so no mortgage..... and she works. We feel completely gutted because neither of us are prepared to start slagging off mummy to the kids... what do we do, they both are now being told dad is a bas****. Any words of hope from anyone?

An 11-year old is old enough to understand a household budget. I suggest explaining to him what money is coming in to his household and that there should be more than enough to pay for the cinema (as a treat) and keep the budgie!

Write it down if necessary - children understand far more than you think.

mrscareful

thanks Dumbledore55 - i'm sure you're right that he would understand, but doesn;'t this just tear the child apart if his dad says one thing and his mum another.... i'm worried the poor kid will end up needing counselling if he gets trapped in the middle of all this! Ithink the only thing we can do that won't damage the kids is just to say this is between mum and dad and they dont have to worry about any of it.... but obviously if mum doesn't give the same message we are going to be seen as the baddies.... why any mother would use her own kids like this is beyond me.

Krystaltips

There are a lot of mothers like that... My own used to be the same with my brother and sister, if they ever had contact with their father she would spend an hour after they got back ranting and raving at how bad their dad was... It didn't damage them, they just started to resent her about the whole thing.... It's why I'm determined to never say anything bad about the ex to DD... When she asks why he never visits or sends christmas or birthday cards I tell her it's because he's being silly... When she's older she'll figure out for herself that he's a moronic waste of space and a responsibility dodger...

If you can afford to, put the money up for the children in a different account and show them that you're saving for their first car / university etc... And I agree with showing them the household budget... At their age they'll be old enough to understand what Mum tried to do...

kelloggs36

YOu need to not let this get to you because that is what she wants! Make sympathetic noises if the child speaks, but remind them that you too have a household budget and if her mum can't afford these things, then unfortunately that's life! It may sound harsh, but that is the truth of it. I have no idea what her budget is, but it HAS been cut whichever way you look at it - and she will have to make adjustments. She has obviously lashed out and blamed you - I can see why as the payments that are reduced are your payments! HOwever she should not be blaming you outwardly to the child and there is not much you can do about that other than remind her that you have been overpaying all these years, and that she has been extremely fortunate to have had such a large amount of money! On the other hand, I can see her resentment if she has budgeted for the full amount and it now suddenly has dropped by a large amount. Would it be possible for you to gradually reduce the amount you give her so that she can make necessary adjustments? That way, you can be seen as being co-operative and understanding and she can help herself by sorting out her money!

Your daughter won't go without is my guess - she is emotionally blackmailing you via your child and you should not be sucked in - other than to perhaps offer the compromise - maybe reduce over a max of 3 or 4 months or something?

mrscareful

Thanks kellogs, I think your suggestion is a reasonable one of reducing the amount over several months – the problem is that we have spent the last 6 years being reasonable and we are at the end of our tether with all the emotional blackmail side of things. Plus, the overpayment has caused us serious financial hardship…… we have been living off baked potatoes and beans whilst the ex is having 2 or 3 foreign holidays per year, both with and without children (this is no exaggeration), treating herself to new plasma screen TVs, updating mobile phones every few months, having take-aways a few times a week, the list is endless. We could really do with that additional saving to make our lives a bit easier. Her spending is one of the reasons the marriage failed in the first place… my partner was left with thousands of pounds of debt, credit cards and loans to pay off after they divorced, she got a clean slate, and now 6 years later she has gone and done the same again, just spent money that she doesn’t actually have. And to be honest, I believe she’d be in this state regardless of how much maintenance she got….. its like an alcoholic being given more and more booze. I really do feel we are at the mercy of my partners ex, in terms of how the children see us…..

TimeWarper_2

mrscareful, your story is exactly the same as ours, from the over payments, through the excessive holidays to emotional blackmail.

Whilst what the ex is doing is despicable, sadly, there isn't much you can do about it. For all the bad things that were said to the child in our case, and all the times that my hubby went to collect to him to be told the child didn't want to visit (the child was being told we didn't want him) - we never, not once said anything bad.

When he joined the forces, he asked if we had any paperwork about his past, and he sat and read 18 years worth of legal documents, bank statements, and court letters, everything was kept - and at the end said "I knew she was lying".
Although we only saw him at weekends when he was a child, he calls me mum and will ask my advice rather than the 'biological one'.

When the ex went back to court (pre CSA) and demanded we fund her holiday the court (apart from laughing!) actually used the time to reduce payments we made. We didn't mess about, we dropped the payment immediately - half went back to our desperately underfunded household budget and the other half into a savings account in the child's name. It paid for the first car and driving lessons.

Good luck, you're not alone xx