Contact with daughter

we_are_always_skint

im slightly confused - i thought once you had a court order granted for access if either party broke it you could return to court under the same order straight away?

ive been dragged through the courts over my little girl, her dad and i split up just before she was one as he was seeing a co-worker, this lady (i use that word lightly) hated our daughter and couldn't bare her dad having any relationship with her so he didn't see her for almost 3 years. when they eventually broke up and he came to his senses i bent over backwards to let him see her, until he met another woman within a month or so and after a 2 week relationship wanted our daughter to sleep at this womans house with her two children, obviously i said no way which is how we ended up in court. but 4 years on he has popped in and out of her life when he feels like it every six months or so for a few months then off he goes again - they had a baby together last november and he's not seen our daughter since march but i have no doubt in the near future another court letter will drop on my door and do you know what i will say 'GET LOST'!!! she is so messed up by his comings and goings and if he hadn't wasted years in between contact then they might have an amazing relationship but you need to realise you cant come and go when it suits you... if you really had your daughters best interests at heart then you would of sorted it sooner surely?

im really sorry if my reply offends, its not meant too but you need to see it from the other side.
we're the ones who are left to pick up the pieces and answer why doesn't daddy call me anymore?? why dont we have daddy's new phone number?? when is daddy going to come and see me etc etc.

for all the absent parents who really want to have permanant regular access with your kids and are reliable - i suport you 100,000% and hope you get that, for the rest of you, if you cant give your kids 100% of your live when THEY need you then just dont bother... these kids are better off with one stable parent then two who flit in and out their lives

like i said i dont want to upset you, i have re-written this so many times to try and not make it so harsh but i want you to see its not always about the mother stopping you from seeing your child, i know there are mothers who do this out of spite etc but then in that case the child will learn themselves as years go on that daddy has done everything he could to see me

i hope you do manage to become a regular figure in your daughters life and build a fantastic relationship with her... just remember this isn't about your ex-wife so if a family centre is all there is for contact then you are still seeing your daughter and thats all that matters, once they see you are a good dad and reliable they will tell the court and you can move on from there with no-one holding you back

good luck

Vomityspice

You don't need to use a solicitor! (Remember it's about money saving!)

They (solicitors) are expensive and you are just as able to complete the form! You may well have the impression that it is a complex thing to do, but it really isn't! In reality, I suspect your solicitor will just ask you questions, and he will write the answers on the form! i.e. Why are you making an appplication now?

Contact Orders are relatively simple, fill the paperwork in yourself and use the money that you would have paid the solicitor to buy something nice for your daughter at Xmas! Unless you are on Legal Aid (yes I know it's name has changed but everyone still calls it Legal Aid!), why pay someone £160+VAT per hr to fill in a form?

SuziQ

I won't go through our story yet again as everyone must be sick of it,but just to say that even with court orders you are not guaranteed contact. Soem evil pwc will do whatever they can/make whatever excuses they want/alienate the child from the affections of the nrp and the courts are pretty toothless-as I am sure the solicitor who has posted on here knows. We spent close to £30,000 over 5 years and the courts gave up,saying it was damaging to the children to persue it any further. The mother now fails to comply with the non contact order which ordered photos and school reports. I wish you a much happier ending than ours.

Tabbycat_3

I saw a solicitor today and after the previous solicitor letters were looked over I was told one final letter will be sent to my ex requesting weekly contact via a contact centre and if she fails to reply court proceedings will start.


Sadly, I have been told it is very unlikely I will see my daughter before christmas I have been advised, the time it will take to go through court and setting up the contact via a contact centre will go in to early new year.


I understand I have not seen my daughter in nearly two years but that was not my choice and I have tried my best to keep in touch.

Even though I have PR I have no ideal about my daughter and I just hope she will remember me.

Thank you to everyone who has given there advice, it helps alot.

Tabbycat_3

SuziQ wrote: »

I won't go through our story yet again as everyone must be sick of it,but just to say that even with court orders you are not guaranteed contact. Soem evil pwc will do whatever they can/make whatever excuses they want/alienate the child from the affections of the nrp and the courts are pretty toothless-as I am sure the solicitor who has posted on here knows. We spent close to £30,000 over 5 years and the courts gave up,saying it was damaging to the children to persue it any further. The mother now fails to comply with the non contact order which ordered photos and school reports. I wish you a much happier ending than ours.

Sorry to hear about your sitution.
I haven't had a photo of my daughter in over a year now and I am not kept upto date in anyway.

Although I have PR it seems that from what I have heard here and from the solicitor getting contact can take many years and by that time you are a stranger to your own child.

I can't even ring my daughter and say Happy christmas as I have no telephone number for my ex to ask to speak to her, I just hope she gets the card.

johnwayne

Tabbycat wrote: »

Sadly, I have been told it is very unlikely I will see my daughter before christmas I have been advised, the time it will take to go through court and setting up the contact via a contact centre will go in to early new year. Although you are not likely to see your daughter before xmas please still try and send her a card & a present then keep the rest of her presents at your house ready for when you do actually get contact. I know it may be some time yet so get her something which she wont grow out of such as a teddy or jewellery. Keep the receipts to prove when they were all bought. I know this may seem a bit like overkill at the moment but if things dont go well with courts and you do have to wait a long time then when she is older she will have proof that she was always on your mind and you did always care for her.

Even though I have PR I have no ideal about my daughter and I just hope she will remember me. My daughter was 4 when she last had contact with her father, she is now 11. She still remembers him but unfortunately for all the wrong reasons (he was violent towards her) If she seems not to remember you just keep on hand any photos you have of you both together even from when she was tiny.

As long as you keep these things up then even if your ex manages to keep your daughter away from you she will still be able to see that you always cared when she is old enough.

I am so sorry that a decent father cannot see his daughter. Dad's are a vital part in any childs life (my own father brought me up by himself).

Hope this helped & best of luck

Savvy_Sue

If you have PR, and if you know what school the child is at, then I believe it is your right to have copies of all letters and reports sent to you, and even attend parents evenings (separately from the PWC).

I doubt if this is a trivial thing to do because no doubt the school should check that you do have this right and that there isn't a good reason for you NOT to have this indirect contact, but it may be worth pursuing in some circumstances.

ricki77

With PR you can go to your daughters school. Get to know the Headmaster and the teacher. I go to my daughters school and we have lunch together. At first the Head wasnt helpful and tried to wriggle out by phoning County Council but I persisted and I won. There are no Court Orders stopping you!

ricki77

With Xmas coming there will be school plays, Xmas carols the lot and parents are always invited to that so just turn up and see your daughter from a distance.

Savvy_Sue

ricki77 wrote: »

With Xmas coming there will be school plays, Xmas carols the lot and parents are always invited to that so just turn up and see your daughter from a distance.

that's one I might be slightly more circumspect about, eg if either parent is likely to create a 'scene' if they see the other.