Contact with daughter

Tabbycat_3

Hi


I hope I am posting this in the correct section of the forum, if not please feel free to move it to the correct part of the forum.
I am calling upon the advice from Moneysavingexpert members.

Around 3 years ago I ended my relationship with the mother of my daughter, she denied me contact with my daughter until I instructed a solicitor to write to her, upon which she got solicitors involved and she defended that she was not allowing me access with my daughter whom is now 5 years old.

My solicitor started legal proceedings via the court but they were dropped in the latter stages as her solicitor arranged contact at a "Family contact centre"
The case was then closed by my solicitor after everything went great when I saw my daughter.

Unfornately my ex partner stopped me seeing my daughter again after 6 months and I have now not seen her for nearly 2 years, she keeps claiming that she will arrange a time with me very soon but has'nt and now I am considering seeking legal advice again.

I am named on the birth certificate so have parental resonability and I was there when the birth was registered.

My ex partner does not keep me updated with how my daughter is getting on either.

Being I have not seen my daughter in almost 2 years what are my chances of getting contact, will this affect it if at all?!
Any advice would be great.


Thank's

blottedcopybook

I think really, you need to have explicit advice from a family lawyer because this area is changing so rapidly.

Have you kept a diary of contact with your ex? Even of some of the occasions where you've attempted to initiate contact? That will strongly help your case.

I have to say though, and I mean this without any malice - why on earth have you waited two years? You are very protected with parental responsibility, why were you forced to attend a family contact centre?

ghandi

Try this website. They give out very good, sensible advice and will help dads and mums.

http://dads-uk.co.uk/main/news.php

mookiandco

Why havent you obtained legal advice in the last 2 years. Yes, it will effect your chances of getting contact because you will look completely uncomitted to your daughter. This type of attitude makes me angry. There are father's out there making every effort to see their children, sometimes having to wait years to see them because their spiteful ex-partners make all sorts of false allegations to prevent them seeing them, yet these father's still hang in there for as long as it takes, probably to get contact once a month at a contact centre when they didnt do anything wrong in the first place. You will have alot of explaining to do to the Court.

Nevertheless the Court are likely to grant contact eventually, once your motivation is established to be genuine. You will need to show you have a bond with your daughter (unlikely given that she was so young when contact stopped) and that you are completely committed to her. Contact is likely to start at a contact centre again and will need to be built up gradually.

I would suggest that you go out tomorrow and get yourself a solicitor to get things moving as frankly you have wasted enough time.

PS I am a family solicitor and if you were my client I would have been just as harsh on you. It is just not acceptable or in your daughter's best interest to come and go in your daughters life as and when you choose. The moment your ex stopped contact you should have returned the matter to court no matter what excuses she made.

elljay20

mookiandco wrote: »

Why havent you obtained legal advice in the last 2 years. Yes, it will effect your chances of getting contact because you will look completely uncomitted to your daughter. This type of attitude makes me angry. There are father's out there making every effort to see their children, sometimes having to wait years to see them because their spiteful ex-partners make all sorts of false allegations to prevent them seeing them, yet these father's still hang in there for as long as it takes, probably to get contact once a month at a contact centre when they didnt do anything wrong in the first place. You will have alot of explaining to do to the Court.

Nevertheless the Court are likely to grant contact eventually, once your motivation is established to be genuine. You will need to show you have a bond with your daughter (unlikely given that she was so young when contact stopped) and that you are completely committed to her. Contact is likely to start at a contact centre again and will need to be built up gradually.

I would suggest that you go out tomorrow and get yourself a solicitor to get things moving as frankly you have wasted enough time.

PS I am a family solicitor and if you were my client I would have been just as harsh on you. It is just not acceptable or in your daughter's best interest to come and go in your daughters life as and when you choose. The moment your ex stopped contact you should have returned the matter to court no matter what excuses she made.

i totally agree wih this post. why on earth haven't you done something sooner?? you have perental resposibility for gods sake!! you have rights and you haven't followed up on them!!!!

Tabbycat_3

Thank you for all your advice.
I have tried to sort contact out with my ex on a basis that no legal proceedings were taken as I felt it best in our daughters interest.

I completely agree and am willing to show I really want contact with my daughter.

My ex kept promising contact but cancelled at the last minute everytime; I have made an appointment to seek legal advice again.

I am sorry if I have upset anyone but not seeing my daughter was not my choice.


Thank's

Paparika

Sometimes it's difficult to know where to get help from.

Many years ago when i was going through my divorce, i was bombarded by visits at all hours by my ex demanding to see who was in my bed, then wanting to see his son (4 am in the morning)

Then when the beatings wouldn't stop and the police would just call it a domestic and leave it at that but say get an injunction.

Fine you may think, but no one would tell me how to get one when i asked, I didn't know you had to see a solicitor, the internet was a lot different 10 years ago.

So for a few months i had to cope with all this carp, until i complained to the police chief at the local nick.

Finally i was advised what to do...

pinkshoes

mookiandco wrote: »

Why havent you obtained legal advice in the last 2 years. Yes, it will effect your chances of getting contact because you will look completely uncomitted to your daughter. This type of attitude makes me angry.

I think this post is WAY too harsh and completely unfair, as Tabbycat blatently HAS tried to keep in contact with his daughter, and it's the mother who should be slated for refusing her daughter access to her dad! Solicitors are expensive and money doesn't grow on trees. If you are a family solicitor, are you saying you condone this mother who is refusing her daughter access to her dad?

Tabbycat wrote: »

she denied me contact with my daughter until I instructed a solicitor to write to her, upon which she got solicitors involved and she defended that she was not allowing me access with my daughter whom is now 5 years old.

Tabbycat wrote: »

Unfornately my ex partner stopped me seeing my daughter again after 6 months.

Tabbycat wrote: »

My ex partner does not keep me updated with how my daughter is getting on either.

Tabbycat, make sure you do everything you can to maintain contact. Write letters to your daughter on a weekly/monthly basis, and even send them recorded delivery so that you know they've arrived. If the mother won't let her have them, then that's not your fault, and one day your daughter will understand that you do love her, you DID try and maintain contact, and it wasn't your fault you weren't allowed access to her. By all means keep all the proof of postage...

I have a 30 year old friend whose mum denied her access to her dad, and binned all the birthday cards he sent. About 5 years ago she found out that he had tried to stay in touch, and that he did send her cards every year - she's now barely on speaking terms with her mum and very much resents her for denying her the chance to get to know her father.

Vomityspice

Given that you have failed after two years to come to an amicable agreement with regards contact with your daughter why don't you just start proceedings?

Go to the court and collect the paperwork (I think it's a C1 form but may have changed!), fill it in, pay the cost (£150), and then let the matter be resolved legally. You have been messed around long enough.

There is a presumption of contact (as long as there is no risk to the child). You will be seen by a CAFCASS officer (court social worker) to 'negotiate' a solution, but just insist that you ex partner has stymied all your previous attempts.

Once you get your order, enforcing it will possibly another problem..........


Ex Social Worker, Currently Law Student (LLB) 3rd Year

Savvy_Sue

MOVING THREADS FOR BETTER RESPONSES


Hi, Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: I’ve asked Board Guides to move threads if they’ll receive a better response elsewhere (please see this rule) so this post/thread has been moved to the Child Support board, where it should get more replies. If you have any questions about this policy please email [EMAIL="abuse@moneysavingexpert.com"]!!!!!![/EMAIL].

Tabbycat_3

Thank you to all those who have given there best advice; it means alot.

For those who think why have'nt I taken this to court before is because I wanted to do what was best by my daughter without causing any trouble and bad feeling, everyone has there own way of dealing with things, the way I have was my way.
I pay child support and have tried my best.

I have made contact with a solicitor and after my first appointment proceedings are going to start right away.

I was always told by people the best way is to try and resolve contact without getting solicitors involved.

I am prepared to show the court a letter from my ex stating that she will not let me see my daughter at present.


PINKSHOES always send cards/letters recorded, it upsets me when I think it's unlikely she gets them and can only hope that I can get contact soon.

Thank's to everyone for all your advice!