In Debt & Desperate

Boyfriendgirl

CLAPTON wrote: »

Well done on posting and starting to tackle the problem.
your SOA actually shows a surplus each month of 123. Presumably in practice that doesn't actually happen. The first step is to find out where the money actually goes.
If you and OH could start to keep spending diaries.. write down everything you spend ... it can be quite a relevation where money really goes.. so do you really spend nothing on socialising, medical/dental/optical, the odd magazine lunch out, occasional take away etc...better to be brutally honest with yourselves .........also look closely at the other irregular costs.. do you really spend nothing at christmas, or presents or trips out or absolutely nothing on the house ... think about what you spent in the last 12 months...

When does your daughter finish Uni... would you parent agree to you delaying repaying them until she finishes and then you will have 300 per month extra.

Hi Clapton, I appreciate your comments. I do feel better for posting - it took me a long time to pluck up the courage. As posted above I will start a spending diary and OH is willing to join in. I haven't been to the dentist since I moved in here and don't go to the docs as generally well. I have glasses which I only use occasionally so no extra costs there. Lunches out at weekends and the odd take-away do happen at the beginning of the month when we get paid. I'm lucky enough to work out in the sticks so can't buy anything for lunch - have to take home-made so am cost saving here already.

Daughter will be at uni for another 3-4 years depending on whether she will get a year's placement elsewhere. If she does I presume that she will be earning for that year so it will be a year when I have £300 extra a month - hope she gets it!

I will ask my parents if I can pay back less but only by £50 a month less as they too are struggling. x

Boyfriendgirl

peka2k wrote: »

Ask your parents if the can give you a bit of a break for a few months, then throw the extra 200 at those low but high interest rate cards,(argos etc) once they are gone it will be another bit of weight shifted form you shoulders.

Hi Peka, Thanks for your help. I will discuss this with my parents and at least ask for a reduction in the short term. I will also try and raise extra money to tackle these particular debts to get rid of them and then chop up the cards.x

Boyfriendgirl

MrsTine wrote: »

Car insurance definitely needs to be addressed! Check for penalties of getting out early and then look around to see how much you can save by changing and after that work out if you can get cashback too
Need to know what that £150 is all about and then you need to talk to your daughter about reducing the support you give her financially... it's perfectly possible to work part time whilst studying and there are grants etc available too if she checks with her student union probably.
also ask her to pay her own mobile phone bill from now on. Either that or tell her you'll pay for a £10 top up card a month for a PAYG mobile.

Mrs Tine, thanks for your comments. Do you think that as I only have 3 more payments to go (less than £100 owing) that I will save much? The cost for cancelling insurance is £15 with a possible £45 administration charge on top.

I will definitely go onto PAYG when my daughters mobile finishes (and she can then use up my free mins which I don't currently use) - as each mobile contract finishes I will replace with PAYG. Its shocking to think that I pay over £130 per month just on mobiles and the internet. I don't have this much money to spare. x

Boyfriendgirl

Damita wrote: »

Welcome to the board, I would battle the store card first

Thanks Damita and good luck with your debts too x

longhotbath

Hi boyfriendgirl,
you sound so much like my mum 25 years ago!
She and my father split up just weeks I went to university.
I made the decision to work for a year before going as I knew it was on the cards. Even so, my mums situation was that I had to save money during my first term to pay for our christmas together (mum, sister and me).
We didnt buy presents - just wrapped up tins of food, christmas pudding, cake, sprouts etc. We made presents for other - fudge and cookies.
Sadly we were given lots of boxes of chocolates, which we ate for breakfast when the cereal ran out!!!
It was awful, but we got through it. I worked every holiday, and I did a sandwich course so was able to save for my final year. I never borrowed from my parents and left with no debt - probably about 10k in todays grantless days).
I wore clothes from sales and squeezed into childrens shoes. As a group, my friends were in the same situation so it was easier - no spending expectations...pink lady for drinks, and warmed donuts for party food...
The train fare and Books were my big spend, but with amazon you can find most of what you need. the lecturers took the books out of the library that we needed the day before term started.
Mum budgeted hard, and EVERYHING was pared down - even the cats food.

My father kept running his sports cars, had his holidays and didnt help at all.

It probably took mum about 2 years to pay off her debts, and it taught my sister and myself good life skills.
look on the 50p a day challenge for weezls (and others) advice for frugal, healthy eating, pay your essentials first, and smile - there are many others here to support you.
Good luck, longhotbath

Boyfriendgirl

mickeyblue wrote: »

Hi

You spend too much on your daughter. Tell her to get a part time job. students usually spend most of their money down the pub or on clothes. Can she not get a student loan? Either that or tell your ex to put his hand in his pocket and help her out as well.

Hope you sort things out.

Thanks Mickeyblue, I know I spend a lot on her but I have always encouraged to her to achieve and she works incredibly hard at uni - she is very motivated to do the best she can. Unfortunately my ex is not her father and her father went awol when she was 3 months so can't do that. I think to be honest I don't want her to get in debt like me and, as most parents do, want her to have the best start to her career as she possibly can. Things are very hard for young people nowadays with the price of housing and having to pay their own way through uni. I do believe that I should be more honest with her about my own difficulties and see if she can manage on less in the short term. x

longhotbath

Hi boyfriendgirl,
on mobiles, phone and internet each month we pay:
£10 o2 contract with free mins and texts,
£15 with aol broadband, gives free 01,02 and 03 numbers all day every day
£11 bt phone line rental
= £36 per month, and the broadband isnt the cheapest deal.

I went from £520 insurance renewal to £164 for home and contents for the same cover with same insurance using Martins money saving advice,

and am now doing the list 5 items ebay challenge. The crunch hasnt hit us too hard yet, we had that 3 years ago!, but want to be in a better situation when it does hit.
Good luck, LHB

Boyfriendgirl

longhotbath wrote: »

Hi boyfriendgirl,
you sound so much like my mum 25 years ago!
She and my father split up just weeks I went to university.
I made the decision to work for a year before going as I knew it was on the cards. Even so, my mums situation was that I had to save money during my first term to pay for our christmas together (mum, sister and me).
We didnt buy presents - just wrapped up tins of food, christmas pudding, cake, sprouts etc. We made presents for other - fudge and cookies.
Sadly we were given lots of boxes of chocolates, which we ate for breakfast when the cereal ran out!!!
It was awful, but we got through it. I worked every holiday, and I did a sandwich course so was able to save for my final year. I never borrowed from my parents and left with no debt - probably about 10k in todays grantless days).
I wore clothes from sales and squeezed into childrens shoes. As a group, my friends were in the same situation so it was easier - no spending expectations...pink lady for drinks, and warmed donuts for party food...
The train fare and Books were my big spend, but with amazon you can find most of what you need. the lecturers took the books out of the library that we needed the day before term started.
Mum budgeted hard, and EVERYHING was pared down - even the cats food.

My father kept running his sports cars, had his holidays and didnt help at all.

It probably took mum about 2 years to pay off her debts, and it taught my sister and myself good life skills.
look on the 50p a day challenge for weezls (and others) advice for frugal, healthy eating, pay your essentials first, and smile - there are many others here to support you.
Good luck, longhotbath

Hi there, gosh you had it really hard. We've not had to struggle quite as much as that - my parents would always give food if we were without and my daughter has learnt to cut her expenditure to suit her income. I am really impressed with how you managed at uni and in how your mother managed with two children and debts - I have never been that motivated to achieve academically or other and really admire it in others. The hardest thing is taking control and I realise as I type this that it's really time I grew up and took responsibility for this mess. Thank you longhotbath for your support x

Boyfriendgirl

andromache wrote: »

Hiya boyfriendgirl,

well done on posting, you've found the right place to help you sort yourself out

I don't know much about running a household but I thought I might offer something from your daughter's perspective as I'm a uni student. Obviously it depends a lot on how much her rent is, if she has to pay travel to get to lectures etc, but in most situations I would say that £300 is a lot to give her. Is she claiming all the student loans and grants she's entitled to? My parents give me £250 a month on top of the basic student loan. I think that this is very generous of them and wouldn't dream of accepting it if I thought that they were in any financial difficulty. I find that this gives me plenty to live on without having to do any pt work in term. In fact, I even managed to save quite a bit of it last year; it's going into a longterm savings account to fund postgrad studies so that I don't have to ask my parents for too much towards that. If they didn't give me that money, then I'm pretty sure that I could fund myself through holiday work and spending carefully in termtime. Oh, and I pay my own mobile bill, thank you!

I know that you probably don't want to worry your daughter about your financial situation. Maybe you could ask her to draw up a budget of how much she anticipates spending this year so that you can see whether she spends a reasonable amount (I did this for my parents). I would never want to be spending my parents' hard-earned money on loads of nights out and so on. I think it's a good idea for her to have to do some holiday work in any case as it will give her good financial discipline - one of the most valuable things I've learned since coming to uni! Tell her that you are trying to give her life skills if you don't want her to know about your money problems as this is true as well Initially cutting her allowance might be a shock to her as she's used to the higher amount but most students have less money than her so I'm sure she will adjust. I dare say she would feel mortified about taking so much money from you if she knew how stressed you were.

I hope that some of these thoughts were useful

Hi Andromach, thanks for your input. I basically know how much expenditure she has and know that I could drop the amount I give her. She does work over the holidays and also travels when she can. I don't mind her doing this - she does not ask for extra and I don't pay her anything when she works. The mobile is soemthing that I've always paid preferring her to have one with her when she is away from home in case something urgent pops up. Guess she does not need so many minutes though.

You sound as though you have a very good relationship with your parents - I do have that with my daughter but have never wanted to burden her with my financial difficulties. She knows things are tight but does not know to what degree. I hope that your studies continue to go well and that your savings continue to grow to fund future ambitions. x

Numpty_Monkey

Boyfriendgirl wrote: »

I will start a spending diary - should I put everything into it? Including bills? Everything that goes in and out of my bank accounts?
You can do that, different people have ways of doing it, I used one just for the things that weren't coming out of bank DDs and so on , just the little things you go into the shop and buy
You'll get used to spreadsheets being on here:rotfl:


What do you think about transferring balances from smaller balance credit cards with higher interest rates to bigger balance ones with lower rate in short term? Or is this trying to pull the wool over my eyes?
RAS:A has left a post about this, if your CCs allow you to transfer balances and not change your APRs then its a good idea, but be very carefull, if your not sure ask on the boards and someone will help:A

I will have a play with snowballer!
That can get adictive
Thanks again x

Have you got your daughter to sign up here? theres a students board aswell:T