OK - finally admitting I need help

locutus2003

I've been a long-time lurker and a some-time poster on DFW. Since I joined, about a year ago, my debt has gone up from £5k to £10k. At £5k I just wanted it paid off - at £10k I'm starting to think I have a problem that I need to solve.

I earn good money - and I'm earning £10k a year more than I was last year when I was doing something else. I have two small children and my dh is a stay-at-home Dad (yay!) so we don't have childcare costs.

I have done a budget - just as the site recommends - but I find it impossible to stick to. A lot of what I spend is on cups of coffee (I hate Starbucks ) and lunches out. I take my own lunch to work when I can - but often I can't (a lot of it is boredom - we were on a WW diet (not now) and got really bored with the same food all the time). Also, though, I find I need to take people out for lunch/coffee/drinks - either because I'm their boss or because they know that I earn more than them and therefore, in theory, I can afford it ...

I so want to get rid of the £10k debt (all on 0%) - I realise my situation isn't as bad as some other people's. I read stories on here of people who've done so well and I just don't know where to get the motivation from. I really do need to get myself sorted - I think I'm finally realising that - but I really don't know how to cut down what I spend - in that I sort of feel I 'have' to. We also have a nightmare at weekends when we go out - we always will have a coffee (which will always be c. £7) - and my son now doesn't think that it's possible to go out without having a drink/lunch! Oh, what have I done?! I wanted to budget for going out every week to have coffee/lunch - which in theory we can do - but we always end up spending more.

Sorry for the rambling - don't know what I'm saying really - but thanks for reading if you got this far!:o

Happytogetdebtfree

hey loctus get an soa posted i dont know the link, hapens you lack motivation because you dont se ethe 10 k as a problem with it been 0% nonsense on the boss front why should you be expected to pay whats your trade ? lunches at work can be made exciting :d have a lunch at work day a team meeting ..... im on the other foot you are saying you feel you have to pay people may feel guilty you are paying an incentive like a lunch at work day where you eat in your office with collegues also how about embracing the credit crunch.. people may have debt where you work but are afraid to say so if you maybe make it an open thing everyone is hit by the credit crunch ive decided the company should invest in a coffee maching that does all the fancy coffees then you can save money.. do i make sense :S x

MrsTinks

Why not start with posting a new SOA to see if we can tweak things a bit and also what kinda of budget you have for "going out" If you have managed to overspend by £5k in a year then something is wrong... and you know it! Starbucks needs to stop - or it needs to reduce to once every couple of weeks. Stop feeling you have to buy other people their cups of coffee! Just think that every time you do that then you are taking food from the table which your children need (ok harsh but a harsh picture might stop you buying other people coffee!) - as for going out with the kids - bring a sandwich Hop to the OS board and see what great ideas they have for going out
If you find sticking to a budget difficult have you thought about using jars?
4 weeks 5 jars - week 1-4 and one for "fun" - say you have £100 put £20 in each jar - any not used can be carried over to next week or to the fun jar. when it's gone it's gone... end of.
Having the money physically there is often better as spending "numbers" is too abstract... seeing the money hurts a bit more

locutus2003

Thanks both.

Jars is a good idea - we started spending everything on credit cards (and paying it off I hasten to add) - so that we got the JL vouchers and also paying more off the mortgage (we have an offset mortgage). I wonder if the jars would be a good idea though for the fun stuff certainly - like you say, once it's gone, it's gone.

When I do a SOA - should I do my ideal budget ... or should I be working out what I really spend? I have a feeling it might be the second as the thought of it makes me wobble with fear ... sorry, but I couldn't quite work that out from what I've read.

Thanks - already feel better - off to OS to get some ideas about going out.

madmalteaser

Yes you need to work out your actual spend. It is frightening, but don't worry, you aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last to be in this position.

dancingfairy

Just think how bad you feel now. Every Starbucks that you buy that you know you can't afford will add to that debt. Think how bad you will feel in a years time owing 15k (or more), how bad you will feel the year after owing 20k or more etc.
You can defnitely turn it around. Allow yourself 10 pound a week (or whatever) for spends and when its gone, its gone.
Try a spending diary so you can get a true picture of your daily habits.
Also don't worry about your son(s) - they will learn, and they will appreciate it later in life. Life doesn't have to be a drudgery though - you just need to come up with cheap/free ways to have fun eg parks/swimming/picnics/crafting/cooking etc. Your time and love is what they need, not expensive activities. If they are well fed and clothed and happy and loved then that is how they will remember their childhood - not how much money you spend on them.

Good Luck. You can do it.
df x

Numpty_Monkey

Have you had a look at the demotivator tool
The Demotivator

:A

GeorgeUK

As there is a credit crunch on right now, you have the perfect excuse not to be so "generous". Entertaining clients is one thing, and hopefully you are claiming this back on expenses, but coffees and lunches for staff is really pushing the boat out too far.

You seem to be in a comfort zone right now as you have ahd a large wage increase, but you are doing the opposite of what you should be doing. Now is the time you should be saving money - not getting into more debt. The fact that you see there is a problem is encouraging, but you will need to stick to any changes you make. Would it be possible to buy a kettle and let the staff make their own coffees instead of going out for them, or even a coffee maker?
1 person * 5days * £1.70 for coffee = £8.50pw
£8.50 * 48weeks = £408 a year in coffee alone. How many people do you buy coffee for? Then the lunches...

poppy10_2

GeorgeUK wrote: »

1 person * 5days * £1.70 for coffee = £8.50pw
£8.50 * 48weeks = £408 a year in coffee alone. How many people do you buy coffee for? Then the lunches...

Martin's demotivator is excellent for working out how much all those "little things" add up to in the long run:

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/protect/demotivator/

locutus2003

GeorgeUK wrote: »

Would it be possible to buy a kettle and let the staff make their own coffees instead of going out for them, or even a coffee maker?
1 person * 5days * £1.70 for coffee = £8.50pw
£8.50 * 48weeks = £408 a year in coffee alone. How many people do you buy coffee for? Then the lunches...

Such a good point. And what makes it worse is that we have an excellent filter coffee maker at work (yes, I know:o ) and a microwave so I can heat up my milk and make my own skinny latte for a fraction of the cost of Starbucks.

It's funny, I have never questioned my need to 'treat' people all the time ... but you're all right - it's at the expense of me and my family (and sanity) and it has to stop. Now.

Am sitting down with DH after the kids are in bed tonight to draw up our real SOA and not the cloud-cuckoo one I have done in the past. DH has never been involved in the money - but I think it's really time (after 18 years!) that he is now.

locutus2003

dancingfairy wrote: »

Also don't worry about your son(s) - they will learn, and they will appreciate it later in life. Life doesn't have to be a drudgery though - you just need to come up with cheap/free ways to have fun eg parks/swimming/picnics/crafting/cooking etc. Your time and love is what they need, not expensive activities. If they are well fed and clothed and happy and loved then that is how they will remember their childhood - not how much money you spend on them.

You know that's SO true. When I was 5 my parents were very hard up and for my birthday they bought me 2 dresses. That is the only present I can ever remember- yet talking to my Mum years' later she told me that she felt incredibly guilty about only being able to buy me 2 dresses (that she needed to buy me) rather than something frivolous. Yet to me, these dresses were always my favourites - so you're right, the kids won't know and it IS the quality time I spend with them.

I feel lots of baking coming on - OS and DFW and entertaining the kids!