Shopping addiction

marklunn3602

Hello all

I've just found out my wifes over 20k in dept and not for the first time.
A long story short it turns out that she's addicted to shopping and has been spending about 2k a month on not a lot. Thats about 1200 a month more than we can afford!
She been spending anything from 6 to £200 per day for the last 2 yrs and our only way forward is an IVA.
What I would like to know is if there's anyone here with a similar experience.
I've taken control of all the finances but we need to address the underlying problem ie the addiction.
Some may frown at the expression "shopping addiction" but It appears to be a recognised condition.

Any advise please?

Regards

Mark

BlondeHeadOn

There is a bit of help out there, although I am not sure how good any of it is - but here's some possible links:

http://www.addictions.co.uk/addiction.asp?id=shop

http://www.way2hope.org/compulsive_shopping_addiction.htm

http://www.indiana.edu/~engs/hints/shop.html

http://www.payplan.com/reasons-for-debt/shopping-addiction.php

Some of them might be a bit 'American', but the Payplan one looks good and is almost certainly UK-based.

Hope these help a bit - and well done you for asking for this help for your poor wife!

RAS

Mark

Firstly, sorry about the situation and welcome to DFW. Certainly some people have similar situations and sometimes it is based in mental health or depressive illness, other times it is addiction.

However, please do not even think about an IVA until you have some proper independent advice from one of the debt charities. IVAs are appropriate for a very small number of people, the fees are huge and the failure rate high and there are other options.Will post again with the link.

sententia_2

Hi,
It is indeed a recognised condition. She will have very strong compulsions to spend. It is a mental health issue and like any health issue the first port of call is a doctor who will make a referral. The compulsions need to be bought under control if there's going to be any long term resolution. Nowadays they usually use a process called cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to help. As to the debt well you are where you are with that and owe the money. Unless a person lacked the capacity to enter into a contract (ie they've been detained/sectioned at some point) then you're responsible for the debt. At the same time your creditors are obliged by the banking code of conduct to treat your particularly circumstances sympathetically. If you explain the problem and can get a doctor to make a statement to the effect you are much more likely to see them giving you more time and being more flexible about the debt.

I speak from experience. I have mental health condition which also meant I spent compulsively. At the end of the day I'm going to have to go bankrupt, but I must say that the creditors have not pestered me really at all once aware that there are mental health issues involved.

Others might have extra views, but at the end of the day the long term health of your partner is your first concern.

BlondeHeadOn

Posted before I spotted this bit which might be helpful:

"Shopping addiction is soon expected to be recognised as a psychiatric disorder. Therefore treatment and therapy could soon be available on the NHS."

This is from the Payplan site.

RAS

Here you are - ring NDL or CCCS

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan#help

Or better still get OH to ring them and explain what she has done.

skintandscared_2

Hello Mark, and can I say first well done you for not going completely mad at your wife and for trying to help her!!! She is a very lucky lady to have such an understanding husband.

You don't have to reply to this, but it might be worth thinking about whether she could be compensating for something or trying to make herself feel better by "treating" herself. Is she a very confident person? I suspect, not... Could she possibly be missing something (for instance if you'd wanted kids and couldn't have them??) Maybe she grew up in a family where she had a lot of hand-me-down clothes and never got much new stuff?? There are so many reasons why people shop compulsively. I got a real buzz out of going out and coming home with a handful of shopping bags, but the buzz soon wore off when I realised I had yet more on my credit card. I was hiding stuff and some of it never even got worn or used. Maybe if you find out what "gap" the shopping fills, you may be able to work out a way together to stop her doing it. Best of luck.

SC01

I can only offer my experience here - I over spent LOTS when I was at uni due to depression. I would be in a black space and think that buying things proved I was ok, that I was a functioning member of society and that initial high of buying something made me feel better. It might be worth getting your wife to go to the doctor which I admit is easier said than done. It took me two years and the help of my mum before I confronted those problems but it has helped in the long run.

Good luck to both of you - she is lucky to have your support.