Moving out of area

hobo28

Hi all

I have two kids from a previous relationship that live me. They see their mum every other weekend, Fri night - Sun night. Even though we were never married, I have a parental responsibility agreement.

My new partner and I are planning on moving out of the area which is about 1.5 hours drive. Tonight I told my ex of our plans and she is understandbly angry/upset. I have no intentions of changing our arrangements. As far as I am concerned, the kids can still stay with their mum every other weekend. It will just involve a drive for both of us to meet half way. I have even offered her unlimited access during school holidays.

Has anyone else been in the same situation? Is there anything she can legally do to stop me? I can't see how a court could stop me if I am offering the same access as before.

Fran

Has there been a court ruling on the contact/residency issue? If so, does it say anything about one or both parents agreeing to live in a certain place? Yes a court could want to change the agreement in her favour as you would have to change their schools and home which they don't look kindly on.

Why is ex upset, is it partly because she can't afford the petrol in her current situation, after all she won't be getting child benefit and presumably you get child tax credits for them so she has no extra money to help when she cares for them but kids still have the same expectations.

What age are the kids? Do you have to move at the moment? If they are teenagers for example it would only be a couple of years or so before it wouldn't matter so much if you moved. What do the kids think about the move idea?

Prudent

Fran gave excellent advice. I was in this situation myself at one point. Althought the circumstances were perhaps different. My ex left the relationship and I nearly had to move away to secure a job to support myself and my daughter. I got a local job just in time, so didn't. I got advise from my solicitor who said I could make that decision as it was (at the time) my only way of supporting us. My ex is a very high earner and would have no issues with cost of travel etc. In actual fact (for complex reasons) contact broke down anyway for two years just after that.

If you are recieving money from your ex via the csa I belive they may take into account any increase in her travel costs in the assessment if she requests this.

hobo28

Hi Fran

Thanks for your reply. No, we've no court order. We've always settled things amicably (as possible!) between us.

The reason we want to move is that between my partner and I, we have 4 kids. Where we are now, we have no-one to help us but we are moving closer to her parents.

The thing that kicked it all off was the schools issue. Here, there are two schools, one excellent, one rubbish. So bad that it was taken over as a failing school, has its own policeman and an onsite benefits "shop". Because the good school is so oversubscribed, the council removed the old guarantee of a place for kids who goes to my daughter's school and made it distance based. Distance wise, we live quite far away and its touch and go if we can get in the good school.

My ex will no doubt plead poverty but she pays next to nothing in maintenance and whilst she's been in "poverty", has somehow managed to afford a new kitchen, fireplace etc. Her BF has recently asked her to move in with her so again that should cut down her bills too.

I am not proposing a change in contact, in fact I am adamant that she still plays a role as long as she wants to. The current every other weekend routine is her idea, not mine. In fact, every change to the routine since we split has been her idea. This is the first time I want to change something.

The kids are quite young, eldest in 9, youngest is 4. The area we are going to is more rural. We can let the kids play in the streets, walk to the park on their own and with views of fields etc. I can't even let them play on the streets at the moment without worrying about cars etc. Its just an overall better standard of life I think. Its not a decision I took lightly.

elona

It seems obvious to me that this move is for the children's benefit so it would also be obvious to anyone else that your ex wanted to complain to.

Might it be worth writing her a letter saying that you are moving so that the children have a better quality of life and can go to a better school and reitereate your offer to meet her halfway as regards travel.

Kimberley

For goodness sake you are only considering moving an hour or two away, your not moving to the other side of the world.

I lived about 10 minutes drive from my ex partner. I moved about an hour and half drive away to a better area and schools for the kids sake. He grumbled at first about the travelling, but now he can see the difference in area that we live.

If he hasn't the car he gets the train/tube, it's a bit of a pain for him but he does it for the kids.

Fran

elona wrote:

It seems obvious to me that this move is for the children's benefit so it would also be obvious to anyone else that your ex wanted to complain to.

Might it be worth writing her a letter saying that you are moving so that the children have a better quality of life and can go to a better school and reitereate your offer to meet her halfway as regards travel.

The thing is though that the children have two parents. If he moves there is a possibility that she could apply to the court for a Residency Order saying that she offers the stability and she could keep them in the same school and other relatives (?). Believe me the courts do pay attention to bricks & mortar or I wouldn't be living within 100 miles of my ex!

Kimberley

An hour and a half makes no difference. If it was 2 or 3 hours drive then yes it would be unreasonable, but 1.5 hours is nothing. If i had to go and see my kids i would not mind the travelling as long as i'm getting to see the kids because it would be worth it. All this arguing about the distance is not good for the kids.

hobo28

The thing is though that the children have two parents. If he moves there is a possibility that she could apply to the court for a Residency Order saying that she offers the stability and she could keep them in the same school and other relatives (?)

I suppose she could yes. However, over the years, I have been the only stability in the kids lives. Their mum has chopped and changed, moved house etc. I can still prove I could offer the kids stability and quality of life. My partner does not work so can pick them up from school etc. My ex would have to put them both in full time childcare, ie. 8am - 6:30pm Mon-Fri. I also work from home so am around for the kids too.

Thanks all for the responses, they all help.

mummysaver

Perhaps she was upset mainly because of the shock, hopefully as you've always worked things out amicably in the past all will work out okay this time. Good luck!