new to the forums:help desperately needed!

foreversomeday

Hi, sorry I don't have much to add, just wanted to say perhaps it would be best to try changing your diets and shopping habits more slowly, if finances allow.

I would start by picking one meal each week to change to something more OS and cheap to make. If you think you have 3 meals a day, it will take 15 weeks - about 3-4 months - to totally change your diet and shopping habits, but at least this will be a slower transition and perhaps gentler on your wife's digestive system?

anguk

I would echo what others have said about getting some professional help as big changes to your wife's diet could be dangerous, especially if she has just had a heart attack.

My husband has several medical problems including diabetes and kidney failure (he also needs to lose some weight to improve his chances if he's lucky enough to receive a donor kidney) and he sees his dietician on a weekly basis and she's wonderful. We've been seeing her now for several years and she knows my OH well enough to know when she has to be strict and when to go gently with him. I also know that she does home visits so I'm sure a dietician would be able to visit your wife. I'm surprised your wife's doctor hasn't referred her to a dietician, especially after her heart attack.

You really don't have to be dealing with all this on your own, there is help available but sadly alot of people don't realise this and just struggle on, you have to ask and sometimes be quite firm to get the help you need! My local council has a form that you can fill in on their website that's forwarded to the social care team and they'll assess you for any help you need, maybe your council has something similar?

Welshwoofs

wantingtochange08 wrote: »

To be clearer. My wife weighs in excess of about 36 stone, and suffers with Agoraphobia. Getting outside help is not an option. We have tried and failed too many times to risk wasting time going that route again.

Stating the obvious, but unless your wife gets her weight down, no matter what she eats she's going to have serious medical problems.

The NICE guidelines demand that PCTs offer gastric surgery to those whose weight pose them serious medical conditions. I'd seriously suggest looking into that as well as referrals for CBT or Hypnotherapy to help her with the Agoraphobia.

Re the citrus - I'm guessing it's the Vit C she's after. There's a wonderful free source of Vit C at this time of year - the rosehip! Go pick yourself 1kg of rosehips and chop them all up roughly. Bring 2 litres of water to the boil in a big pan and throw the rosehips in. Bring to boil again, then remove from heat and let the hips infuse for 1/2 an hour. Line a strainer with some muslin (or even a clean cotton teatowel) and rest it over a bowl, pour the mixture through. Tip the hips back into the pan and add another litre of water, bring to boil, infuse for 1/2hr and strain as before so you now have around 3 litres of rosehip infused water. Now discard the hips and bring the 3 litres of liquid to the boil and let it simmer away until the liquid has reduced by HALF. Remove from heat and stir in 1kg of caster sugar, put back on the heat and boil hard for 5 minutes then pour into sterlised bottles.

This will make you lots of bottles of Rosehip Syrup for the price of 1kg of caster sugar. Rosehip Syrup is sweet and tastes kind of tropical - like a mix of mango etc. It's also PACKED with Vit C. The syrup can be used as cordial, diluted with water and also used as a sweet sauce over puddings.

janb5

Is it just me but I suspect a troll in our midst...................?

miggy

A troll and I missed the fun...!

Now to things that really matter. You mentioned citrus fruits have been really beneficial to your wife in the past - do they have to be fresh ones? If not, both grapefruit and mandarins come tinned, and mandarins in particular can be very cheap, though the tins are only small. I bought some at Tesco tonight for 11p. If you can get hold of some tinned fruit - I notice you already have fruit cocktail - perhaps fruit for breakfast might help? You could add a bit of brown sugar to the grapefruit if you like it better that way.

Those tinned tomatoes can be used in various ways, especially if you have the chance to get an onion. Fry the onion (if you have it - and it's worth getting a few, and some more tinned tomatoes, they both keep well and are cheap, healthy and versatile), stir in the tomatoes, add a little chilli and the kidney beans and serve on rice - chili non carne.
Alternatively cook the tomatoes with onion (if you have it) and some herbs, salt & pepper and serve with pasta. This would be better if you could add some protein though - it's worth going round the supermarket in the evening to see what's been reduced. Here it's at about 8 o'clock that things go way down in price. You don't need huge quantities of protein a day - I think I've heard it said that meat the size of the palm of your hand is about right, or cheese/soya protein/quorn etc. Try to get some protein in because it will make a big difference to how you both feel.
Fresh fruit & veg can be at their best and cheapest around this time of year when there is plenty to be had. Some people with fruit trees are actiually desperate to give away extra fruit that they have no room for! So here's hoping you come across someone like this! Even without freebies (and blackberries and rosehips have already been mentioned, but I know they might be time-consuming to gather) see what you can pick up at the shops or supermarket, especially when things are marked down. Remember to go for as wide a variety of colours as possible because that way you get a wider range of nutrients. You can get packs of frozen mixed veg which are often less than a pound, especially if you have access to a Farmfoods, Lidl, Aldi, Netto or even Tesco. They would save you lots of preparation time and can be added to rice, to soups, to casserole or pasta. You can also try out those herbs and spices with rice or pasta for variety.
I get the impression, though, that access to food is only part of the problem and unless we can find a way to ease the stresses on you, you will find suggestions hard to implement. I recognise your concern is for your wife and of course her needs are important, but please do as much as you can for your own diet, too. It will help you keep on top of things. I don't know if you can have milk but if one or both of you can, it would be a very useful ingredient. A glass of milk, milkshake made using a mix, a milky coffee or hot chocolate made with milk - all quick ways of getting some nourishment into you. It can be skimmed to help your wife with her weight, it's still nutritious.
Well, I think that's all for now, hope something here helps.
Oh, and Kaz's post below sounds really good.

wantingtochange08

Right I've mnaged a couple of hours sleep, but woke for the loo. Now I can't get back to sleep cause my head is spinning.

I really appreciate all your help people, it means a lot after living like this for so long without help its refreshing.

With regards to her minor heart attack, the doctor has told us that we need to act to stop her from having a major one. Shes going to see a specialist soon, so hopefully we can get more help there, with tis plus maybe looking into gastric band. Hes given us a rough guide of what not to do diet wise, like making sure she eats plenty, but of the right foods. I can't remember offhand what foods those are ,my wife has it wrote down somewhere.

Lilysue, she has been a member there for about 10 years now! To cut a long story short though, she rarely goes there anymore.

We don't claim benefits of any sort, something we really should do, as well as getting some kind of home help I guess. But on top of the agoraphobia she has panic attacks and even the thought of having to step outside her comfort zones brings on an attack. So we have to be careful here for the time being. But I agree in that it's definitely something else that needs attention and soon.

Penny Pincher, she most definitely would not go behind my back with food. If nothing else she can't get mobile on her own to get to the kitchen! Not to mention the fact she is determined to do this, ive seen her cry, sob even enough time recently to know that would never happen.

Janb5, I thought you meant a troll as in a troll under a bridge for a moment there! But after looking on Wikipedia (thanks google) I can only think you mean this:

Do not feed the trolls" and its abbreviation DNFTT redirect here. For the Wikipedia essay, see "What is a troll?". For other uses see Troll (disambiguation).
An Internet troll, or simply troll in Internet slang, is someone who posts controversial and irrelevant or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum or chat room, with the intention of provoking other users into an emotional response[1] or to generally disrupt normal on-topic discussion.[2]

If that is the case, I can tell you I am deeply offended, and can assure you I am not I'm just trying to help my wife get better.

I'll be back tomorrow evening, once I'm home from work and everything is taken care of for the evening. Hopefully I'll have a clearer head tomorrow! and I must get my wife to show me how to use these message boards a bit better.

Time to crawl back into bed now! WOrk in 5hrs.

Wantingtochange08

chardonnay_2

if your situation is as dire as it seems - you must fight for both you and your wifes rights - you may be entitled to carers allowance, incapacity benefit or home helps or dla, etc. you would be better making an appt with your local citizens advice. if your wife has such serious health problems without follow-ups you need to complain. she should at least be seen by a dietician.

chardonnay_2

forgot to ask - how are your portion sizes? are they too big? do you both have the same? are you the same height / weight as your wife?

many couples start overeating due to comfort and eat the same regardless of height difference etc. you can get smaller plates which fool the brain into eating less plus some celebs even eat with mini knives & forks to fool their brains. a doctor or dietician can advise you on the healthy size of each food group.

calleyw

chardonnay wrote: »

if your situation is as dire as it seems - you must fight for both you and your wifes rights - you may be entitled to carers allowance, incapacity benefit or home helps or dla, etc. you would be better making an appt with your local citizens advice. if your wife has such serious health problems without follow-ups you need to complain. she should at least be seen by a dietician.

The Op's wife might be able to get DLA but that would about it. She needs a social services to do an proper assesement for her.

Carers allowance can only be claimed if she got DLA care rate of middle or higher rate. And if you work more than 16 hours a week or earn more than £92 you can't get it.

IB you can only get if you have worked and paid National Insurance in the last couple of tax years.

Also need to get their GP involved now.

Yours

Calley

Welshwoofs

janb5 wrote: »

Is it just me but I suspect a troll in our midst...................?

Err how on earth am I a troll?

If you do some research yourself you'll find I'm right, NICE have to offer gastric surgery to those with serious health issues due to weight. Now if you think that remark makes me a troll I'd suggest you spend a bit of time looking at the statistics on the success rates of dieting for long-term weight loss against the statistics on gastric surgery (lap bands, bypass etc) on long-term weight loss and I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions.

I'll also add that I'm on a waiting list for gastric surgery MYSELF because I've been overweight ALL my life and have tried every diet under the sun so FAR from trolling the poster, I'm offering advice which i'm following!! If that makes me a troll, then so be it. I'm not here to win a popularity contest.

The second part of my email, the RECIPE for rosehip syrup is indeed as near free as it's possible to be AND packed with Vit C.

Honestly, some of you people could be a little less quick to jump on anyone who says something you don't like with accusations of being a troll - it's not friendly, it's not constructive and it'll certainly put people off posting their thoughts and experiences here.