House split - it's getting nasty

hard_up_and_fed_up

I have split up from my parter for 5 months now and our house (joint mortgage) is on the market but so far we have had no offers.

When we bought the house it was agreed that he would pay the mortgage and i would pay bills as he earns twice as much as me.

When we split i agreed to pay him £200 a month towards the mortgage and pay the bills and maintain the house for buyers ect.. which equates to half my wage. He is (was) paying the mortgage and secured loan which is half his wage. I appreciate he is not living in the house but i did offer it to him and he didn't want to.

Now he has moved in with a new girlfriend and he i have recieved a solicitors letter telling me he will be cancelling payments unless i pay half (which i can't afford) and invite the building society to repossses ASAP.

This, in my view, is ridiculous and he knows i can't afford half and still pay bills. Especially as he stands to gain a good chunk of equity if we sell it.

He is getting really nasty and i have been more than reasonable with him. He won't let me have lodgers in so i can make up the money to give to him or anything.
He put the deposit down on the house and the idea was, he gets his deposit back and we split the rest 50/50. That was when i was being fair. Now he is playing nasty, can anyone tell me if i stand a chance of going for 50/50 on all the equity, deposit as well? I know it sounds spitefull but he is causing major problems for me that i don't wish to go in to, i am not normally a revenge seeker but this would be the very least he deserves.

pozalina

Hi,

I'm not one of the resident experts re: legal etc. but just wanted to say that I feel for you - you are in a difficult and worrying situation.

I think you need to speak to a solicitor for advice about the specifics of your situation. When my OH and I bought a house I put in equity and he didn't. At the time my solicitor told me that if I wanted to ensure I got all my equity back I should get something in writing confirming that the deposit had come from me. That suggests that you may have a chance at getting half the equity, but is that what you really want to do? You know it's not your money, even though he is being a t****r.

If the house is repossessed he would surely get much less money back that if it was sold? Could you point that out to him? I can understand that he is fed up paying for a house he doesn't live in, but that was what he agreed to do when you bought the house.

best wishes, hope it works out for you

poz

hard_up_and_fed_up

Thanks for your reply. I have an appointment with a solicitor on Tuesday but wanted to settle my mind over the weekend.

I have pointed out to him that not only will he get less, he also will not be able to get a mortgage. It is so frustrating as he has the chance to have a clean slate, no debts and will be able to buy another house with a wedge in his pocket to furnish it. I on the other hand will have no debts but only £2k life savings, half of which will have to go on deposit for rented accomodation as therei s no way i can afford a mortgage on my own.

He stands to be far better off than me and it is probably the only chance he will get to be debt free for the first time since adulthood!

i just don't understand his logic, as i have explained to him, it's short term loss but long term gain for him. For me, not so much! I don't even want to be living in the house that i shared with him, with all his stuff in. And if i was to move on and meet a new bloke, he said i am not allowed to have him in the house - although he is happily living with his girlfriend!

I don't want to take his money - it's really not my style, but the only way i can afford to meet his financial demands is to get a loan to make the monthly mortgage payments until it sells. I would need the extra equity to pay the loan off otherwise i will not be able to afford to rent anywhere.
I feel so trapped!

Bendybops19

Oh sweetie, i have no advice, but just want to send you my hugs!

If he stops paying the mortgage, i'm sure he stands to lose out doesnt he?? He's got to keep up the repayments, cant just cancel because then wont he lose the house??

pozalina

hard_up_and_fed_up wrote:

Thanks for your reply. I have an appointment with a solicitor on Tuesday but wanted to settle my mind over the weekend.

I have pointed out to him that not only will he get less, he also will not be able to get a mortgage. It is so frustrating as he has the chance to have a clean slate, no debts and will be able to buy another house with a wedge in his pocket to furnish it. I on the other hand will have no debts but only £2k life savings, half of which will have to go on deposit for rented accomodation as therei s no way i can afford a mortgage on my own.

He stands to be far better off than me and it is probably the only chance he will get to be debt free for the first time since adulthood!

i just don't understand his logic, as i have explained to him, it's short term loss but long term gain for him. For me, not so much! I don't even want to be living in the house that i shared with him, with all his stuff in. And if i was to move on and meet a new bloke, he said i am not allowed to have him in the house - although he is happily living with his girlfriend!

I don't want to take his money - it's really not my style, but the only way i can afford to meet his financial demands is to get a loan to make the monthly mortgage payments until it sells. I would need the extra equity to pay the loan off otherwise i will not be able to afford to rent anywhere.
I feel so trapped!

Please don't spend all weekend worrying about it. Your solicitor will be able to advise you of the best course of action. Go out, do something you enjoy, to take your mind off it - even if it's just a long walk.

Your ex cannot tell you who you can or can't have in the house with you - ignore that! He sounds as though he is being irrational because he just wants it to all be sorted, but it's selfish and mean. You both went into the relationship/house situation willingly, and he can't expect everything to disappear cos it doesn't suit him any more.

Take care x

Savvy_Sue

One thing to look into in the longer term is shared ownership through a Housing Association if you can't afford to buy alone.

And I agree that you ex can't dictate who lives in the house! Although a formal tenancy agreement would be difficult while the house is on the market!

Also can you not ask him to remove his stuff? You shouldn't have to be surrounded by it, unless it is mostly furniture and the house wouldn't look good without it.

We reallly need Bossyboots! Or someone like her.

hard_up_and_fed_up

Thank you all, for your kind words and help.
I know i'm not going to find the answer in the bottom of a bottle, but after the week i've had, i'm going to check just in case!!

Hopefully things will stay quite now until Tuesday and i will know where i stand. I am staying away this weekend and am dreading him going to the house and changing the locks! You never really know someone until you cross them huh?!

Thanks again folks.

Have a lovely weekend x

NAR

hard_up_and_fed_up wrote:

I am staying away this weekend and am dreading him going to the house and changing the locks!

If you are concerned that he may do this at some time, I would act first and change the locks. He left the property and so therefore you are entitled to make it secure to your satisfaction. I foolishly didn't change the locks and came home one day from work to find the place cleared of practically everything. So beware. You can tell him if he requires something from the property it can be done at a time suitable to you.

Hope your solicitor gives you some good advice tomorrow. Good luck.

Kimberley

This is the reason i will never buy a house with someone else again. This happened to me once and i lost out. Even if you do this again make sure next time before you buy a house sort out in writing what happens to you, the house and the money if you split.

mummysaver

Money can really bring out the worst in some people, I really hope that he decides to try and be nice, and I hope that everything went/goes well with your solicitor today - best of luck.