Boy 8 angry at school need advice (also puberty!!)

Pinkylouloubell

Hi,
I really need some advice from other parents.

My son is 8 years old and has started having a few problems at school recently.

He normally plays football with a few other boys from his class at break and lunchtimes, but seems to be getting in to quite a few arguments and actually had a fight with another boy today.

I know my son is no angel and I know that he can sometimes be a bit cheeky.

He is dyslexic/dyspraxic and has always had really really low self esteem even though I am always praising him and pointing out his good points.

He has been saying lately that he feels himself getting soooo angry sometimes and really wants to lash out and I have told him to walk away and calm down and that he cannot fight.
Although I do not want him to be a pushover and not be able to defend himself.

I am a TA at the school and was off on a course today so am dreading going in tomorow.

another question is I think my son maybe going through early puberty as he has got a few hairs under his arms and has been quite moody.
Do you think this is miles too early????

thabkns

sarymclary

Hi,

I've got 4 boys, my youngest is the same age as your's. Whilst I'd say he is on the young side for entering puberty, if he is showing signs of growing underarm hair (not just the normal light coloured 'downy' hair all children have) then I would suspect he is starting to show signs. This would definitely be an explanation for him feeling this surge in feelings of anger/frustration.

It is more the frustration being vented as anger really. They get this feeling inside, and it does tend with boys to come out in a show of temper, stomping about, etc, rather than the tears and tantrums that girls can show, although they too can have their angry violent side!

Is your son aware of the fact that his body is going to be changing as he grows a bit older, and starts to become a young man? If not, then you certainly need to sit him down and have a chat with him. Is his dad, or another close male relative/role model available to have a bit of a 'bloke chat' with him? He needs reassurance that the changes beginning to take place are perfectly normal, not to be worried about, perhaps even something to be proud of. Whilst this can all be rather exciting, and a bit worrying for him, he has to realise that a big part of becoming a bigger boy is that you do have a stronger temper, but you have to work harder at keeping it in check.

Point out to your lad that all grown men feel like he does, but he doesn't see Joe/Mark/Bill/Grandad/Mr Smith the teacher (insert suitable, good male example) blowing their tops all the time when things don't go their way. Make him realise that losing his temper can scare other people, and that it might lose him friends, or make others think he isn't nice to play with anymore. Use examples, if you can think of them, of times when he might have seen someone get angry with him, or you, and ask how that made him feel, or point out how it made you feel. you get the idea!

I would then have a quiet word with his form teacher to make them aware that he is starting this new phase, as they will be able to keep a closer eye on things.

There was a lad in my 14y/o's year at school who by the time he left primary school was over 6ft, his voice was broken, he'd got the start of his facial hair, and was covered in spots! As with girls who start puberty a bit earlier than their friends, he won't be able to relate what's happening to him with his friends at school.

Just keep an eye on him, and keep talking to him.

specialK

Aww, I have had tears before bedtime tonight with DS saying he is stupid and feeling really low It managed to be a happy house before sleep though!

Don't be embarrassed about facing anyone, hold your head high. If you approach with the view of wanting to sort this out, you will be better thought of than if you were to hide away.

It's not impossible for puberty to start at such a young age, my SIL was tested for this at age 7ish. There are questions first, then tests to confirm the diagnosis. I would mention this to someone at the school as I think they could point you in the right direction.

I have taught my DS exactly the same. I don't want him to be a bully, at the same time, don't want him soft. He is 8 next month but in age 11-12 in clothes, he's nearly bigger than me If he does lash out at anyone in school, he will be worse off for it due to his size. He is a gentle giant and tbh, he can embarass adults with his beliefs. He is so self righteous and thinks everyone should live by his ideals, if not he questions why people are so nasty, wanting to hurt people and then there are why's, when's and where's for hours explaining. I think at times, if we are ushed enough we will lash out. Don't be too hard on yourself. Whilst you are mortified, he may just have put a bully in his place?

There is no such thing as the 'perfect child' (well this is what we have to say, uhm...) Just be approachable, teachers know our children so it will be fine.

Good luck tomorrow!

Pinkylouloubell

Thanks guys,
I have tears in my eyes now as I just really feel for him sometimes.

He is a very sensitive child and tends to take everything to heart and is constantly saying to me that he is no good and cannot do stuff and is not as popular as the other kids and it just breaks my heart.

I just want o protect him, but realise he has to make his own mistakes to live and to learn.

I dont think it helps that he was quite poorly a couple of years ago with hsp and we always have to keep an eyes on him and I think it was scary for him as well as me.
which is why i just want to look after him.

AAAhhhh I dont even know what Im saying now!

ailuro2

I know I seem to suggest this a lot, probably because I like it so much myself:o - but have you thought of martial arts classes for him?

They are a great place to learn restraint while also being allowed to kick and punch ten bells out of a big leather punch pad.

It could help with his self-esteem too, to be able to grade for new belts and sometimes even win medals for doing something non-academic. I do realise his dyspraxia may come into this, but any good martial arts instructor will tailor a class to each pupil's needs, and he won't have to do anything he is not capable of.

I do Kupso, after my DD started it and I ended up joining in to be able to help her practice. It has been great for my self confidence, and also for releasing stress, and I'm 38yo!:j

Pinkylouloubell

thanks ailuro,

He does already attend a karate class as Ive always wanted him to do this for self-defence as well as discipline and control and exercise.
He enjoys this and is up to a blue belt, but finding the katas hard now because of the order of the movements and has been saying for the last few weeks that hes not sure he wants to go still, but once hes there he really enjoys it.

Hes just standing in front of me and swinging his arms around tring to get his jumper on and has knocked my coffee over .

Dyspraxia AKA Clumsy child syndrome!!!!!!!!
The school are pretty good as his handwritting is quite bad and have given us some worksheets to do at home to practice his fine motor skill!

So I can understand why he may get angry and frustrated at times with all this to deal with,
also my nan died back in January and he took this very hard and always says that he misses her and why did she have to go.

OK, have realised a bit now.
Thanks for listening!:rolleyes:

Milford_Cubicle

Along with the other great advice in this thread, if you do suspect early puberty, then take him along to your GP (male is better!) to be sure.
If it is the start of puberty, then you can get some advice to help you act accordingly.

Lunar_Eclipse

Pinkylouloubell wrote: »

Hi,

He has been saying lately that he feels himself getting soooo angry sometimes and really wants to lash out and I have told him to walk away and calm down and that he cannot fight.

I think my son maybe going through early puberty as he has got a few hairs under his arms and has been quite moody.
Do you think this is miles too early????

No, sadly I don't think it's too early and suspect that the angry feelings he is experiencing are related, as his hormones surge.

My daughter is 8 and entering puberty. But the signs started in Reception year so it's not a sudden surprise. She's tall and mature for her age; but within the norm. She has a fair amount of pubic hair as well as underarm hair, puppy fat and a developing chest. I wish I could stop it since there is no plus side whatsoever and I don't want her to grow up so quickly. But of course I can't and hey, we all love her for who she is. My sister, although smaller than my daughter at the time, started her periods at 9! It's just not fair.