Debt advice please :)

couldntgetworse

Hi, and sorry for the dismal first post, well in this sub forum anyway .

I'm in debt by a hell of a lot, now whilst I know how it happened (lived well beyond my means) I'm after a bit of advice.

Firstly I'm self employed, and about 5 months ago I started to seek help about sorting my mess out, I've been to the CAB been semi through the process with paypal, moved to another firm that deals in IVA's called Grant Thoughton (CAB put me onto them).

Now I owe I reckon somewhere in the region of £125k, of which £28k is in joint names and £21k is to my mum, the rest are loans and credit cards.

The 4 months ago my contract wasn't renewed, so I thought I'd have no problem securing a new one, however it's taken 4 months to get a new one, which is only for 3 months.

Also the stress of everything has caused my wife to file for divorce, she has moved out with the kids and made it clear she doesn't want the house, then I've come home tonight and found my kids rabbits with their throats ripped out, basically I feel like utter crap at the moment.

It's looking like bankruptcy is really the only option for me at the moment, however as much as I try and deny it I love my wife to bits and don't want to land her with £28k's worth of debt.

So the question is, could I file for bankruptcy and then say that I forced my wife to sign the joint debts under duress ? yes I know that I'll probably get sent down for that, but I just want to make sure that my wife and kids don't have to go through this crap that I am.

Thanks

CGW

shadowdragon

Firstly I want to say welcome aboard, Im sure many on here will agree when I say it looks grim at the moment but you have taken a step towards dealing with this and it can only get better, so well done for that.

As for advice, are you currently in an IVA?

Contact one of the FREE debt advice charities to discuss your situation CCCS or Nat Debt helpline seem to be the most recommened around here.

I can not offer up any advice concering your wife and the duress situation, and even if i could I wouldnt for obvious reasons.

All I will say for now is chin up, keep posting and asking questions there is lots and lots of helpful people here to offer advice/guidance and a shoulder to cry on.

couldntgetworse

shadowdragon wrote: »

Firstly I want to say welcome aboard, Im sure many on here will agree when I say it looks grim at the moment but you have taken a step towards dealing with this and it can only get better, so well done for that.

Thank you

shadowdragon wrote: »

As for advice, are you currently in an IVA?

No my wife wouldn't agree to a joint IVA so I went through the whole thing to be told at the last moment that she wouldn't entertain it as it would tarnish her name, and that I'd have to do it on my own. I did try and to point out that the joint loans wouldn't be protected, but she went deaf I think.

shadowdragon wrote: »

Contact one of the FREE debt advice charities to discuss your situation CCCS or Nat Debt helpline seem to be the most recommened around here.

I have Wednesday off work I intend to, just feeling like utter crap at the moment as my two little friends are in bin bags in the bin.

shadowdragon wrote: »

I can not offer up any advice concering your wife and the duress situation, and even if i could I wouldnt for obvious reasons.

Sorry about asking but it is something I am prepared to do, I understand that probably no-one would like to answer it though.

shadowdragon wrote: »

All I will say for now is chin up, keep posting and asking questions there is lots and lots of helpful people here to offer advice/guidance and a shoulder to cry on.

Currently crying into a pint of Guinness.

So_Sad_Angel

Hi CGW

Honey what an awful thing to have to find this evening. I really feel for the stress that you are going throu & many on here will understand. Thats life I`m afraid & its not nice at times.

It sounds like this has just crystallised in your mind that you need to do to sort the financials out & well done for posting & welcome aboard.

You need to revisit the debt charities (see top toolbar for numbers)...get a second opinion ie CCCS or Nat Debtline. You will feel more positive by starting to take control of the situation rather than it controlling you!

As for your wife & the joint debt...duress is not really the best way...she signed it & must have agreed to the joint loan. You best solution will be to get all the info & sit down & chat it thou....difficult I know but if you have all the facts & confidence to get it sorted I am sure your wife will appreciate just how much effort you have put into dealing & finding a solution. Remember `you are where you are` & from here the situation can & will get better...it may not be easy but YOU are in control of it!

Keep reading & asking as confidence grows when you know that there are so many others that are/have been in the same boat. My worry is for those out there who have not found this site & are in total despair.

My advice is - Get advice & take that advice

Angiexxx

couldntgetworse

So_Sad_Angel wrote: »

Hi CGW

Honey what an awful thing to have to find this evening. I really feel for the stress that you are going throu & many on here will understand. Thats life I`m afraid & its not nice at times.

I know, lifes a b@st@rd and then you errrm marry ..... no better not cos it's not true.

So_Sad_Angel wrote: »

It sounds like this has just crystallised in your mind that you need to do to sort the financials out & well done for posting & welcome aboard.

I've known what I've had to do for 4 months, I was just waiting till I landed a new contract, which I did, and it would have covered another 4 months out of work with what I was going to pay myself, some things however never seem to be as cut and dried as you really want them to be.

So_Sad_Angel wrote: »

You need to revisit the debt charities (see top toolbar for numbers)...get a second opinion ie CCCS or Nat Debtline. You will feel more positive by starting to take control of the situation rather than it controlling you!

That's Wednesdays job along with wasting a bit more cash at the solicitors, ironic really you're skint so I'm going to divorce you and make you pay even more money than you have to, and then I'm going to take £xxx off you a month (that you don't have)

So_Sad_Angel wrote: »

As for your wife & the joint debt...duress is not really the best way...she signed it & must have agreed to the joint loan. You best solution will be to get all the info & sit down & chat it thou....difficult I know but if you have all the facts & confidence to get it sorted I am sure your wife will appreciate just how much effort you have put into dealing & finding a solution. Remember `you are where you are` & from here the situation can & will get better...it may not be easy but YOU are in control of it!

To be honest it feels like my lifes over so a porky pie that would leave my kids with someone not in the position I find myself is quite appealing, I know it's wrong but....

So_Sad_Angel wrote: »

Keep reading & asking as confidence grows when you know that there are so many others that are/have been in the same boat. My worry is for those out there who have not found this site & are in total despair.

Will do, it's just that empty feeling inside at the moment.

So_Sad_Angel wrote: »

My advice is - Get advice & take that advice

Angiexxx

Thank you.

Rabbit-in-headlights

Hello CGW,

Re. the joint loan, you really must put yourself first, at least don't "fall on your sword" for someone who isn't standing by you. If that sounds hard, I apologise, but you deserve to be able to live a happy life too.:A

Just wanted to say you're not alone, you will find lots of support here and I'm so sorry about your rabbits, was it a fox? It's so awful when innocent animals, part of the family, are taken from us, so sending you big hugs: ((())).

Have a good cry into your Guiness, get some sleep, and tomorrow get some advice, as the others have already mentioned. It can only get better from here on in.

Wishing you all the best, keep posting and let us know how you get on.:o


RiH

mademistakes

Hiya, Don't really have any advice to give, but just wanted to wish you all the best and hope things work out for you.
The only thing that I would say, is that I understand why you don't want to get your ex involved in all of this for the kids sake. However, you got into the debt as a family, and you should get out of it together too. Your kids need a happy dad, just as much as they need a happy mum, so you need to put yourself first too.

Really hope you get the advice you need. Good luck
:beer:
PS. Sorry about that rabbits. What a shame. xxx

couldntgetworse

Rabbit-in-headlights wrote: »

Hello CGW,

Re. the joint loan, you really must put yourself first, at least don't "fall on your sword" for someone who isn't standing by you. If that sounds hard, I apologise, but you deserve to be able to live a happy life too.:A

Falling on the sword is to be honest something I'm well prepared to do, if only so it means that 4 others who I dearly love don't get the same crap I am

Rabbit-in-headlights wrote: »

Just wanted to say you're not alone, you will find lots of support here and I'm so sorry about your rabbits, was it a fox? It's so awful when innocent animals, part of the family, are taken from us, so sending you big hugs: ((())).

Don't know, the garden is well protected and has 6 foot fences round it, I've just discovered that as I went searching through the undergrowth for my little friends (they normally sit at the back door when I get home and open it, for a tickle), that I've lost my wedding ring somewhere in the garden, jesus christ someone doesn't like me today it means so much and I've gone and lost it

Rabbit-in-headlights wrote: »

Have a good cry into your Guiness, get some sleep, and tomorrow get some advice, as the others have already mentioned. It can only get better from here on in.

Wednesday is unfortunately the day for advice, tomorrow I'm at work so will have to try and pretend to be happy(ish)

Rabbit-in-headlights wrote: »

Wishing you all the best, keep posting and let us know how you get on.:o


RiH

Thank you.

tigerfeet2006

Hi and welcome to the board,

You have had some great advice so far and the only thing I can add is you do know that you won't be leagally able to pay your mum back the loan. She will have to become one of your creditors.

Now saying that there is the moral side to it and I am sure you will feel you need to pay her back being your mum. The only way you can do this is on the QT. Either by squeezing your budget when you are BR and finding the money or resuming payments when you are discharged.

So_Sad_Angel

Hi CGW

Thankyou for your reply....remember there are so many out there in so much despair. I hope that when you are through this that you will be around to support others` in the same boat. There is so much reward from sharing your experience that will bring/save (strong word!) other people.

Your life isn`t `over` at all!! It is just that you need to move it on & get over this episode & if you feel more support is needed then get along to the Docs & get something to relieve the emotional ups&downs...unfortunately that `empty` feeling is what we all get & is quite normal. We have all strived to get the best for our families & when it does`nt quite work out then its hard to deal with.

I know you have lost 2 very dear friends today(I have dogs & lost a few over the years & its heartbreaking but you have to smile & remember the good times)...but see the positive they have lead you to so many more new ones on here.

We are all all here for you & ask away as there will always be an answer.

Angexx

couldntgetworse

tigerfeet2006 wrote: »

Hi and welcome to the board,

You have had some great advice so far and the only thing I can add is you do know that you won't be leagally able to pay your mum back the loan. She will have to become one of your creditors.

Now saying that there is the moral side to it and I am sure you will feel you need to pay her back being your mum. The only way you can do this is on the QT. Either by squeezing your budget when you are BR and finding the money or resuming payments when you are discharged.

I kinda gathered this, however I employ her as a admin clerk (shes retired) so she gets xxx amount a month I don't know how this arrangement would work in BR though although I guess I can get her to set up a company I can work through and do it that way.

Thanks.