Money sense 4 kids

Prudent

Savvy_Sue wrote:

£30 a month, tight? :rotfl: I think that's more than I spend on clothing for a family of five! Including shoes!(Mind you four of us don't much care what we look like as long as we're warm and comfy, the fifth buys his own t-shirts 'cos he's fussy! And our feet have stopped growing, almost.)

She has to buy her own shoes and school uniform out of this amount. Though she is doing so well, I think I should have maybe opted for a lower amount. Then again if she continues moaning about helping with housework, I could dock some ...

Prudent

purple-smartie wrote:

What age do you stop giving spending money? My eldest DD whos 16, 17 in feb, and full time college student recieves £30 EMA a week and still expects me to provide her with £10 a week for her college bus pass and sulks when I dont give her money for cinema etc

I have told my daughter she will have to get a part time job by time she is 15 /16 and that I will not continue pocket money when she is working. Same will be true when she qualifies for EMA (probably stop her clothing allowance at this point).
My daughter tries to get extra as well. She was quite outraged when I refused to give her £1.50 for school dance ticket. I stood my ground though as I think she has plenty of funds for this.

Queenie

My boys recieve a monthly figure in Pocket Money; this is divided into 3rds. One third for spending on what *they* choose; one 3rd is put aside for "gifts" and the final 3rd is put away for long term savings. If they want something and have been a bit reckless by over spending .. tough! *I* know that it was do-able and I don't bale them out.

D11yo was quite jealous and very miffed when he learned D10yo had more money put aside than he did when they both get the same amount (Gift A/c and Spending A/c) but, after a chat, he realised he had in fact been spending his money to the max each time but D10yo had *not*. If he had no money, it was down to his own actions.

If there is a largish item they really want, the agreement is (and it's discussed first!) that they must save a certain amount and I will match it.

I don't "fine" them or deny them their monthly pocket money for chores not done or poor behaviour, simple because, I've learned from experience that
a) it isn't helpful in teaching money sense
b) it can breed resentment

Behaviour and responsibility fall into another category altogether.

My boys have a set of "daily tasks" they have to do, which they are awarded "points" for. They then have a target/goal to attain so they can earn a treat once that point total is met. It is motivational in that - I'm not taking anything *away* from them; if they don't do their jobs, they don't earn the points and they aren't given a bonus "treat". Simple. That's how I approach the aspect of "responsibility". They have a list that they can choose from and which they helped draw up.

Behaviour has to be dealt with differently simply because we all have good/bad days, so I don't base their pocket money on that. They have a weekly club which they go to and love. Good behaviour = going to the youth club ... poor behaviour means that they miss that week.

Prudent

Behaviour is most easily managed by finding what motivates the child. Children will only choose to change their behaviour if the incentive (negative or positive) is strong enough. It is better if the child is self motivated, but sometimes they aren't.

For your boys Queenie it is definately the club as they obviously love this time. My daughter says her favourite activity is shopping with friends. Having no money to spend takes away a lot of the fun.

I am a teacher and am currently working in a school that has some of the most behaviourally challenging children in our society (new job and it is challenging!). I use lots of positive strategies at school (such as the reward charts you mentioned Queenie) and with my own child, but also believe children need to learn the simple correlation that actions have consequences. As an adult your money comes from your employer. If you refuse to do jobs or do them badly you will be fired. Taking away money from children who do not do agreed jobs for it is teaching them responsiblity.

Savvy_Sue

purple-smartie wrote:

What age do you stop giving spending money? My eldest DD whos 16, 17 in feb, and full time college student recieves £30 EMA a week and still expects me to provide her with £10 a week for her college bus pass and sulks when I dont give her money for cinema etc

When I don't feel they need it any more. That's when I don't feel they need it!

Eldest was too old for EMA, and think we're over the limit for younger two anyway. So I have / will put bus fares plus a little into bank account, and they're responsible for it. Older two have jobs, youngest cuts grass for us and we pay so well it keeps him in funds! Middle one doesn't ask me for money when he goes out with his friends, sometimes I offer it.

How long and what you continue to give, P-S, depends partly on what you can afford. 16 is old enough to understand what the family budget can stretch to, and the EMA is supposed to pay her bus fares, as I understand it. If my sons were getting EMA, I wouldn't give them any more than that as it would comfortably cover their bus fares (£10 pw) and dinner, with more to spare. If your income is low enough that you get EMA, I don't think I'd be inclined to give more, it must be a stretch for you to do so.

Queenie

Prudent wrote:

...I use lots of positive strategies at school (such as the reward charts you mentioned Queenie) and with my own child, but also believe children need to learn the simple correlation that actions have consequences.

Absolutely agree, and I feel that there are plenty of examples in life that also teach "actions have conseqences" .... but won't necessarily teach money "sense"

Prudent wrote:

As an adult your money comes from your employer. If you refuse to do jobs or do them badly you will be fired.

While that is true, the fact remains, I was talking about my "children"; on that score, I am not their "employer", I am their mother. This is not their place of work, but our home, where we all have responsibilities within it. Just as I do not "pay" my children to do tasks around the home, they do not "pay" me to perform household tasks either. Makes no difference if you are a child/teen/adult/male/female/employed/unemployed/student whatever - the simple fact remains that a house does not clean itself, clothes to not miraculously leap into a machine and come out washed, dry, ironed and hung neatly in wardrobes, etc., that has to be done to some degree no matter what else is occuring in your life.
However, the "pay" comes in another form (actions have consequences). If we all muck in together and work as a team = free's up time = more time available to spend doing 'enjoyable' things. By giving them responsibilities (tasks/chores/jobs, which ever way you wish to define it), within the home environment, teaches them lifeskills which in turns brings confidence, independence, self sufficiency (things money cannot buy).

Prudent wrote:

Taking away money from children who do not do agreed jobs for it is teaching them responsiblity

:think: So, what happens when the money has all been taken away and the child/ren *still* won't do their 'jobs'. There can only be *so* much money so when the pot is 'empty' and they are/become stubborn, recalcitrant teens, do you continue subtracting until they end up in "Debt"? Would that teach money "sense"?

As I said in my first post, by making their *own* (quite opposite) choices regarding handling/spending their money the "actions have consequences" soon became apparent - it was "learned" through experience. I have given them the "responsibility" to handle money and their own budget. At this stage the impact of poor spending choices (money sense) isn't too dramatic or life changing .. but, in keeping with their ages, can have a profound affect on their attitude towards the handling of it.

Prudent

I think a lot depends on the individual child. I tried all of the approaches you metioned Queenie over housework. My daughter is not all motivated by the house itself being clean or nice meals on the table or clean clothes. I went down the self motivation and 'team work' route last year. The result was she simply could not be bothered. By August her room would have done justice to an episode of the 'before' on 'how clean is your house'! It took me two and a half days of solid graft to get it to a tidy and healthy (!) state.As she grows older this will hopefully change.

I did make a deliberate decision to pay her to do housework. It is her choice too. I really struggle to get everything done around the house. I am a single parent in a demanding job. Although I couldn't really afford it, desperation was making me consider a cleaner. At the time my daughter wasn't get much pocket money - £10 per month. She wanted more and we came to an agreement that if she did more around the house she could have some extra money. To me it seemed a better arrangement than her doing a paper round and me employing a cleaner for a couple of hours. So whilst fully recognising what you say about being her mother not her employer, she is in effect doing a job for me.

At the end of the day everyone must do what works for their situation and this works for us.

I think it is the process of managing the money she has that gives her money sense. Now she has £50 a month to manage and is doing very well.