Help please....

Rylynn

Olivia the amount you have been paying, have you any idea just how little the creditors actually get? I can only tell you that I paid over £5000 pounds and the creditors got under £1400!!

So you can see that they are going to try to talk you out of BR, but you have to be firm not only with them but yourself if that is the course you decide to take, which is one I think looking at your post would be my advice, you need to speak to one of the charities in my and others posts, they are not in it for YOUR money, but to give you good sound and honest advice.

Dont pay the IVA, in two months you have the money for the BR, what ever you do now dont bury your head in the sand, get yourself sorted with a new I&E (SOA) there is a post at the top of this board where you can link to one that someone has added, sorry not sure of the url or I would post it, but I used it today and it is very very good. Opened my eyes to things, one that I have no idea how I was affording to pay the IVA in the first place, but I have we went without, and today I dont care what people think, I never did that was not the issue, it was that I HAD to be seen to do the right thing, I my own brain, how stupid was I.

oliviarosejackson

Think what it would be like not to have to worry about those debts any more. To be able to spend your money on yourself and your daughter and know that it is your money to spend.

I cant imagine what that would feel like.. Because in the 5yrs that she has been born it hasnt happened..... I would love for that day to come..... I just wish I knew then what I know now. I know its my own fault for getting myself into this mess, but I was so naive when it all started, thought I could keep up with all of the repayments, etc... And now I just dont know the best way to sort out the situation.

tigerfeet2006

I think you do know the best way to sort it out. You just need to believe in yourself a bit more. You are doing the right thing and getting professional advice via NDL and posting everything here as well.

(((hugs)))

Rylynn

Olivia, I think the hardest part is admitting what route you need to take, it seems like a failure, please believe me when I say there are so many other people who are failing and on a much greater scale than either you or I.

I know how I felt with the IVA it failed the first week, but then I said okay then BR, and oddly the next week it passed..and I thought then, HUH which and whose strings did she pull, I attended my meeting the first time I was shaking in my boots.

You have taken on IVA you can face BR, as tiger says you just have to believe in yourself. You and your daughter deserve a good life, not the worry and stress you are in now. You have lived with IVA for 14 months so you know the restrictions, no credit, but hey do you want any as I sure dont! For me it means I live with what I have, and I think you may find BR allows you more than the IVA so you may have some left for little treats for your daughter which you cannot afford right now.

Chin up Olivia, we will go down this route together and prop each other up!

oliviarosejackson

Aww, thank you so much again Rylynn, you and everyone else are helping me so much

No like you I don not want any credit again. It really has opened my eyes and I know the true value of money. I only get the essentials, what I need now. I question myself everytime I am going to but something - which is great, because half the time I dont even need them.

I know I do need to believe in myself. And I know it is the best way forward, as it will take a few months before I can go BR. So I have been thinking new year, new me in 2009..... I know IVAs claim to be so felxible, but you get money to pay your bills and that is it. People cannot live that that for 5yrs. They are the worst thing ever invented!!!! Just a money making sceme!!!!!!

Rylynn

You have hit the nail on the head, five years to pay it off, yes you are not paying the full amount, so they make you think it is all so wonderful, then a credit crunch turns things sourly wrong, ie your gas, electric, water all go up, but you are not earning more to compensate, what do they say, cut down elsewhere, now where exactly do you cut down, they allow you so little to play with.

I was given my IVA in August 2005, paid til December 2006 so only 2 months more than you, but due to my illness I could not work, so they suspended it for a year, not in one go it was calls every 2 months to see what was going on. It was a breathing space for me Olivia I was too ill to deal with anything, so I am grateful for that time out. At 18 months they said NO more it is now failed, now being somewhat better, and back in work only part time I HOPE I can deal with this and get the BR dealt with and over with.

I have a 14 year old son, and to be honest I really want this over with for him as well, he is not stupid and knows what is going on, my elder kids are very supportive I have a son of 29 and a daughter of 27 she is behind me all the way, and I may ask her to attend court with me.

And credit, the can take it where the sun dont shine for me, never ever ever again, and I know I can say that now as I have lived without any since 2005, no overdraft to bail me out every month, in fact I was living off mine at one time, as many still are. Credit was so easy, have this, take that, want some more... robbing peter to pay paul, at least now I do not do that, yes I have weeks when I think Oh hell, but it has also taught me about cooking skills, and those I can also pass on, how to make good meals on a limited budget, but not starve and still eat well.

oliviarosejackson

Gosh, it sounds like you have had it very difficult these last 18 months... Alot more than me.... You are coming out the other side though and it will all be over soon. And as sad as a way to learn it, it has taught us a valueable lesson... I have learned ALOT. How not to be srupid with my money, how to make the smallest amount stretch that bit further.

You are lucky your family are supporting you. I think my mum is not wanting me to go down that route, she wont give me much help to be honest. That is why I am on here so much, doing research, asking questions. My dad will not be happy when he finds out. Although my parents are not the best people with money either....

I have come to a point where I feel that life should be enjoyed and at the moment we are enjoying it that much.... I want to make my daughters life enjoyable for her. But we cant, not now and I dont want us to live like that.

Rylynn

I think you have to think of yourself Olivia, and your daughter, what is best for you both, sounds bad but s*d your parents and what they think, they are not there in this with you, they are bystanders and as such unless they are prepared to bail you out have no say.

And even if they were able to bail you out, would you want that, it is for me far better to see the problems now, face them, and try to sort them out, you will feel so much better as a person for doing that. So BR has a stigma, not for me it doesn't, it is my only way to survive, ie stay alive.

Yes in the coming weeks for us both there will be total down times, when we judge ourselves, and others, think we are going insane, and there is no one to help, but there is this site for one, the charity phone numbers for another.

You know I had to come to terms with this when my OH left me with £58K of debt and NO there is no house no mortgage, so even worse in my eyes, how did I get into this mess, cos I am stupid, yes, easy target yes, but they are no excuse, but when he left the second time I yelled hallaluyah.. no more physical or mental abuse, and I will DEAL with it, I did, a missold IVA as I was vunerable an easy target, as I have since learned.

BUT I was not ready for BR then I am now, and that is what you have to fathom, you are no worse off in BR than an IVA and in monetary terms you may find yourself with an extra £20 a month and that all counts when you have a young child. as IVA leaves you nothing much.

Is your mother aware that an IVA is no better than BR okay your name is not the paper, you cannot be a director of a company! but at least you are free of it all, with IVA you are not for 5 years, and your credit rating is still affected with IVA as with BR, it is the papers she fears, sorry if so tell her that is the least of your worries, it is getting on an even keel and being able to live again that counts.

dalip

Just thought i would add my bit for you olivia(i remember you from before)in the hope it helps.


My OH and i tried to do a joint IVA but he did not have enough debt. No assets ect so an IVA should not have been reccomended anyway.They then looked at me doing one but my income would not cover their costs and payment to creditors. Because i had pinned all my hopes on the IVA i had stopped paying my creditors for the first time in my life. I was scared,worried and ashamed. All this had taken 6 wks,i had no way of pulling myself back so had no choice but to go bc. I never told anyone other than my boss and OH.Never had this forum. I printed off 3 copies and filled them in by hand as best i could. After 3 chickened out attempts at booking a court date i managed it in nov last year.

I spent most of my time sniviling(sp)at the court absolutly petrified i would see someone i knew ect. I never got to see the judge and went straight from court to tell my father,who had no idea we had been struggling.Also told my sister who is a bank manager.

Had my interview 3 wks later and my OR was great,,very human and non judgemental which was a relief. I did find it very humilating to tell a stranger about my debts when i had only just realized how bad they were myself. Somehow it looks 10 times worse on paper than when you whisper the amount to yourself.

After that apart from work i never went out of the house for 4-5 mths. I thought everybody knew,i had bc stamped on my head,that i was the lowest of the low. I then began to realise that the stigma is in my head if i allow it to be there.

It is now 10 mths since that day and i can say in all honesty that it was the best thing i ever did. Yes mentally has been tough but my life is so much richer. I have left a job i hated,i have made many friends on this forum and i am so much more confident,happier,relaxed and skint(he he).
It takes guts to go bc but once you make the decision that,that is the way forward,things fall into place and you feel better in knowing what your aims are. IMHO i think you should go for it and enjoy your daughter whilst you can,they are not little people forever and soon grown up. Good luck girl and if you go down that bc road we will be with you every step of the way.XX

oliviarosejackson

Afternoon all,

Thank you so much for all of the replies.... Sorry I havent relplied sooner, was at work all day yesterday.

Thank you for sharing all of your stories and giving lots of encouraging words, it really does mean alot.

I am still so up in the air about everything - why who knows.... What will happen if my IVA fails, what questions will be asked about it failing?? Also do you get lots of questions about how you got into all of the debt?? As I can not give a good explination of mine, being young of foolish really, thinking I could pay it back, when in the end I couldnt. Do they accept that??