I needs your thoughts on this please. Upset with Brownie fundraising.

zebidee1

I've got a really unsettled mixed feeling about this and I'd like other people's thoughts please?

A while ago, I drew the line and stopped our family from participating in sponsor schemes. We were inundated for a while with requests for sponsorship for this that or the other and we dont have a large circle of friends or family to go to (and those we do have, have kids the same age so are in the same boat so no point in asking them).

We always ended up shelling out ourselves all the time just so the kid(s) could go back with some money at least. We couldn't keep doing this and got to feeling more and more annoyed that we were put in this position of feeling obligated so we drew the line and refused to join in with any further sponsor schemes. We also stopped giving to the charity callers that collected round the door at the same time as we were getting several of those every month for a while too.

(It sounds really tight but the requests for money were really getting out of hand.)

Anyway, the local Brownie group was fundraising for charity (not for themselves btw)and wanted the Brownies to get sponsorship money. There were incentives for whoever collected the most money....x amount got something like a badge, xx amount got you a calculator etc etc. I dont agree with that either as it's never the kid who puts the effort in, it's always the parent who takes it to work and gets all his/her workmates to sponsor their child. Great if you work in a big firm. I'm at home all day and OH only has 3 workmates, who are also fed up with sponsorship requests with their own kids so wont entertain sponsoring anyone else's.

Apparently tonight was when the rewards got handed out and it was done in a big way. My daughter was the only one (literally) who had not handed in any money and this was made obvious by the way the stuff was given out. Most if not all (not sure about that bit) of the Brownies got several items. She says tonight wasn't a normal night and they didn't do anything other than the rewards thing and some colouring in.

She was in tears when she came home and felt very embarrassed that she was the odd one out and that everyone was looking at her as she'd not taken money.

I'm upset, both at me ( I think maybe I should have forgotten our decision and just given her money ourselves) but I'm also a bit annoyed that she was put in this position by the way they dealt with things. I'd have happily kept her off tonight if I'd known it was going to be like this.

I've talked to her about it all but she's just so upset that she's not taking on board what I'm saying I dont think.

What do I do? Do I have a chat with the Brownie leader to explain our feelings on sponsorship and ask for some consideration for our girl or forget about it and make sure it doesn't happen again by just giving her money ourselves again next time? Having principles or beliefs about things is hard when your kid is sobbing her heart out.

The Brownie leaders are lovely btw and they might even have felt a bit bad themselves that they weren't giving our daughter anything. There again, maybe it never crossed their minds that she would be upset, lol. Who knows? One of them just told her that she could bring in money next time.

So..do nothing? Speak to the leaders? Pay up next time? If so, how far do we go bearing in mind how much the other kids take in to get the goodies? Or stick to our principles even if it means our girl has a hard time because of them?

Really sorry this was so long. Just feel a bit mixed up.

jackomdj

Personally I would stick to your principles (although I don't agree wiht them I think if you decide upon something like that & then change for some things your DD would expect you to change for others) but tell the leaders that you would like to know in advance about the awards ceremony & do something else with DD that night.

HTH

Nicky

Errata

I think your daughter is still too young to thoroughly understand the ins and outs of this, but I do think talking to the Brownie leaders would not only help your child, but all the current Brownies and the Brownies to come.
Remind them times are hard and are going to get harder for many people, even for those who are comfortably off now.
Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted. Looks like the Leaders need to be more creative if they want their pack to support good causes, cash isn't the only way.
For instance they could knit babies T shirts for Oxfam to distribute to countries hit by a disaster. Or Teddies for the littlies caught up in a disaster who have nothing other than the clothes they stand up in.
HTH

January20

I too think you should stick to your guns. I often feel we are held at ransom regarding giving money. Charity and sponsorship should be a choice but it hardly ever is as there is always a friend or another who needs to be sponsored, etc.

You can't even go to the supermarket without being asked for money, be it when you walk in or out, or when you pack up your shopping at the till.

Usually I will chuck a few coins in the bucket without thinking about it even though I don't let them pack my bags but last weekend I didn't. It was a charity I'd never heard off and my shopping is getting more and more expensive every week. I just can't afford it anylonger.

You should perhaps wait until your dd has calmed down and then have a chat with her and make sure she understands what you are doing and why. It might also be a good idea to ask the Brownie people to let you know if any similar evenings are taking place in future so you can plan ahead.

gemmaj

Slightly off topic, sorry, but I give to a charity by DirectDebit and every month I get full colour letters and brochures asking/encouraging me to give more. I feel that the money I pay them goes straight to postage and printing so something can be sent back to me, rather than being used for the Children its aimed at. Where do we draw the line with charities, without simply being tight and only caring for ourselves? At least you have made a stance. But I'm not sure what I'd do I'm afraid!

thriftmonster

Well as a Beaver leader I'm appalled. There is no way we ever expect every child to give money for the sponsored walk we do once a year as we know there are a lot of other commitments and we never let on to the children how much or little anyone has brought.

I would have a word with the leaders and tell them how upset your daughter was and also your family policy - there is no way they should have got a badge for the money - taking part in the sponsored event is all that is required for our badgework - maybe it's different for Brownies - but I doubt it.

luxor4t

I know exactly where you are coming from as a similar kind of fund-raising happened while DS1, DD & DS2 were all in the same Primary school - they each had 6 sponsors: me, DH, my 2 parents & their 2 siblings... (yes, I had to pay 4 times per child, & my parents paid 3 times each). Needless to say it was the single kids with large extended families that won the prizes! It left a bad taste as the organiser seemed to be on commission.

If the leaders are 'lovely' then share with them the way your daughter was made to feel so that this situation can be avoided.
The Brownie promise says:
I promise that I will do my best:
To love my God,
To serve the Queen and my country,
To help other people
and
To keep the Brownie Guide Law.
There are lots of ways of helping other people other than throwing money at an external charity, so help your daughter 'remember' the things that she does everyday for her Brownie good deed.

Paparika

Isn't there a saying charity begins at home?

Although we all love to do our bit, we can't all afford to do so.

bylromarha

(((Miss Zebidee)))

Bless her. Can understand how she feels, how you feel and even why the Brownie Leaders offered the incentives...



But it did put you all in a tough position. Stick to your principles-the only alternative you had to giving the money yourself was to go door knocking which is not really an alternative! Have a chat to leaders and just explain how the evening made DD feel and why-they sound like the sort of adults that may have already picked up that she wasn't enjoying the evening- just ask for more communication on their part if they are going to do anymore reward evenings like this in order that you can gracefully withdraw.

seven-day-weekend

I agree with thriftmonster and the leaders should just thank everybody for all the money that has been received, without singling anyone out.

Have a word.

zebidee1

I feel better now having read your replies, thanks. OH and I have just been talking about if we were wrong or not and if we should have given her the money but it all comes back to where do you stop?

How could we give, in answer to the Brownie requests but refuse the school or one of the other afterschool clubs she goes to. So we then think again that we have to stick with what we had decided. Then you get a sore head just thinking about it all. :rolleyes:

Btw thriftmonster..when I said badges, I meant ordinary fancy pin badges with printing on, not the kind the Brownies earn that get sewn onto their sash.

I think I will try to have a quiet word with the leaders and hope they understand our feelings. They are nice people so even if they dont agree with me, I think they would be ok with our views and I will happily keep our daughter off if it makes things easier for them at those possible awkward times.