For those of you with children....

ltm07

Brassic wrote: »

How do you cope?

We're still very in debt, although working hard at it. We have 3 children between us who come first in everything. We budget in 30 a month in *entertainment* but it rarely goes on us going out together as a couple. My family live 5.5hours away. Mr Brassic's live 2 hours away and used to help out, but father in law being very poorly means this is no longer an option. We can't afford a baby sitter as this would eat up all our *entertainment* money before we even left the house.

Don't get me wrong, we go out with the kids to parks and walks etc etc, but I feel like I never see my husband, just the two of us, any more. I work shift work, and try to do overtime (nights so I can still look after kids in the day) every week as childcare costs have just gone up and cost of living, well, you know all about that. We're like ships passing in the night.

All I want is a weekend with him on our own, but I can't see that happening until our DFD in 3 years time. Is anyone else in the same boat, and if so how do you cope? Feeling really low about it recently.

Edited to say, we moved here a while back, so all our good friends are too far away to help out, and 3 children (one a toddler) is a lot to ask friends in the area, (all of whom already have kids) to try and put up. I live out in the sticks a bit, and so work colleagues (all childless) are all far away also so I feel I'm imposing asking them to babysit. Gah!

Brassic x

Hi Brassic, we too are like passing ships, as OH works regular nights & I work regular mornings, although we only have one daughter who is 14 next month, so childcare no longer a problem for us. Not everyone on here will agree but we were trying to get our debts down ASAP & found it stifling in the end. Our original plan was to be DF by the time I'm 40 in 5 years time, but living like hermits for the next five years would have sent us crackers, so we decided to put our DFD back five years & gain as much ground as possible on that date, whilst enjoying life at the same time. We were originally going to get married in five years but decided to go for it next year, picking extra shifts & hours up at work to help pay towards it. Don't want to sound morbid, but in the past year one of our friend's has breast cancer & is very ill & 2 people who we know well have passed away all before 40 & it really did make us think about life. Can't really advise you on who could help out with looking after the kids as only you & OH know who would be able to help out but the best advice I can give you is don't let the debts be so much of a bind that you don't enjoy yourselves & treat yourselves to a night out once in a while, after all you both work so hard that you deserve to treat yourselves. All the best, back later!!

Brassic

Thanks everyone :T

To answer some folks posts - we do lots of pic-nics etc with kids, but just want some time without them Don't particularly care where, cost isn't a problem once the little darlings are gone as we'd quite happily just picnic or walk near by, with romantic dinner in the evening at home.

We do make sure we have a pizza, film and wine evening once a fortnight (shifts permitting) but are generally so exhausted (fell asleep 30 minutes in last time) it's not really what it could be.

I won't do a babysitting circle. My job has unforntunately turned me into a bit of a parnoid old whatsit, and I won't let anyone babysit who I don't know and trust extremely well. :rolleyes: The two locally I would trust both have 3 and 4 children each which makes it chaos to take all of them together!

Itm07 - Can't let the dfd slide now. I'm SOOOO proud of what we've achieved - we'll be sub £40k soon. :T I'm counting down the months until dfd and have promised the kids a special safari holiday to celebrate. :beer: We're all totally focused. Kids are 3, 8 and nearly 10.

Moo2moo - I did giggle at your hamster and makeup tales. Thank you so much for your kind offer of points. It's really the getting somewhere for the children to go that's driving us potty atm, but we'll get by, they're lovely kids, a joy to be with so I wouldn't moan. It's just I have a gorgeous hubby too, and I don't want to neglect him

Hypno06 - where are you going on your holiday? I can't spend Tesco vouchers on anything as they pay for us to go camping in France

Thanks again for everyone's posts - it's reassuring to know we're not alone, and under 3 years isn't too long :rolleyes:

Brassic x

hypno06

We are going to Centerparcs - not the cheapest of places, granted, but we know we will get absolute value for money there - plus it is very near to us, so costs next to nothing in petrol to get there and back!

Brassic

Oooh, have a fab time there! I'll bet the kids are looking forwards to it. We take a trailer tent which my mum has given us and use tescos vouchers to pay for campsite and ferry. Had a lovely time this year so are looking forwards to next year already Petrol is a killer but hubby gets an allowance for that.

Brassic

hypno06

We're not going until next Summer holidays - gives me plenty of time to save up so I don't have to scrimp and save at the last minute........!! I am organised - have a holiday bank account and everything :rotfl:

Brassic

Excellent - tis good to plan - this site has taught me that. I have a set amount that goes into a seperate account every month to cover Chrimbo, Hols, Car care and emergencies.

Mum_of_Boys

My husband and I have 4 children (12yrs, 9yrs, 4yrs & 15 weeks).

Understandably, not many people are willing to babysit for us but we've made it a ritual one night over the weekend for us to spend the first part of the evening playing board games, wii, making homemade pizza etc with the children. By about 7.30pm the children look forward to going into the 'best' room with some treats (whatever is on offer that weekend) leaving hubby and I to spend some time alone (with little baby of course) to have a glass of wine, chat and basically relax. We don't stay up late, normally in bed by about 10.30. I know 3 hours doesn't sound much time for some people but we really do enjoy the quality 'us time'.

Just to say too, thank you for all your posts, your tips and advice are greatly apprecaited