For those of you with children....

Brassic

How do you cope?

We're still very in debt, although working hard at it. We have 3 children between us who come first in everything. We budget in 30 a month in *entertainment* but it rarely goes on us going out together as a couple. My family live 5.5hours away. Mr Brassic's live 2 hours away and used to help out, but father in law being very poorly means this is no longer an option. We can't afford a baby sitter as this would eat up all our *entertainment* money before we even left the house.

Don't get me wrong, we go out with the kids to parks and walks etc etc, but I feel like I never see my husband, just the two of us, any more. I work shift work, and try to do overtime (nights so I can still look after kids in the day) every week as childcare costs have just gone up and cost of living, well, you know all about that. We're like ships passing in the night.

All I want is a weekend with him on our own, but I can't see that happening until our DFD in 3 years time. Is anyone else in the same boat, and if so how do you cope? Feeling really low about it recently.

Edited to say, we moved here a while back, so all our good friends are too far away to help out, and 3 children (one a toddler) is a lot to ask friends in the area, (all of whom already have kids) to try and put up. I live out in the sticks a bit, and so work colleagues (all childless) are all far away also so I feel I'm imposing asking them to babysit. Gah!

Brassic x

hypno06

Hello stranger! We too are like ships that pass in the night - OH works two full time jobs and I work full time too.....and then seem to spend the rest of my hours running the children around. I can't remember the last time we spent proper time together, and that is generally the way it has been for several years now.

Last month I booked a holiday - for next August, granted, but it will be the first holiday we have had for years. I figured that by booking it now, I will have time to save up.

How about raiding vouchers on the "days out" board on MSE, or saving the Sun holiday vouchers for £9 a person or something. Do you have tesco vouchers you could use for a trip out or a meal......they convert into Bella Italia vouchers, for example.

As for coping......well we just do.......sometimes not very well, but we do.

Chin up (easy to say, I know) xxx

hypno06

Oh, and want to say how fab your total looks - it has really come down a lot!!

moo2moo

We grin and bear it. We go for romantic picnics in the park. Feed the DDs at warp speed and direct them to the swings then we sit on the picnic benches in full view of the mini monsters and have lunch in peace.

We also borrow DVDs from the library so that the monkeys can have a film night with DIY popcorn whilst either we watch with them or if its something dire like Carebears The Movie we can hide away in the dining room.

We did try a babysitting circle of parents at school which is grreat for emergencies but I don't really want to spend what few free evenings I have with other peoples children at the expense of my own.

Brit trips vouchers have been great for free days out at local National Trust properties and castles. I have around 150 points more than I can ever use if you'd like to pm me for the codes (as a result of a school fundraiser rather than me eating thousands of packs of crisps).

My parents are superb. They have the DDs for an overnight stay every few months, it usually ends up being 2+ nights as they are so far away. It gives us chance to catch up on the decorating. I think the theory is we'll go out, have dinner and do couply things but we can usually get so many things done round the house that by the end of the day we're too knackered to do anything other than eat and go to bed.

I've adjusted my hours to reduce the childcare as otherwise I'd end up paying out more in childcare than I'd earn. Means I see less of the DDs but we're £300 a month better off for it, they see more of their dad and they gained a Wii by way of a consolation prize. Which in the long run has saved us a fortune in entertainment. Why go to the bowling alley where the littlest DD hasn't the strength to roll the ball the whole wy when she can Wii bowl and get strikes and spares.

I don't think many people with children go out together as a couple very often firstly the £30 for a zitty babysitter and boyfriend (why is it they always want to bring their boyfriend?) kind of kills the evening, then theres the application of make up as before I do me I have to put at least nail varnish on the DDs by which time one or other has sneaked off with eyeshaddow/ eye pencil / blusher or mascara resulting in 15 minutes of frantic scrubbing in the bathroom. On one occassion DD2 sat very patiently whilst DD1 applied Flame Red nail varnish (hussy that I am) to DD2. Beautifully applied Aunt Sally style (remember Worzel Gummidge?) to her cheeks then topped it off by defining her eyebrows too. Took almost 2 weeks for that to wear off on its own.

Prudent

My dd is now 16, so past that stage thankfully. I was in the same position as you in that both families lived hours away. We used to get time by letting dd stay with her grandparents for the weekend. They were pretty good and drive half way each time.

Another option is to swap babysitting with parents of other children locally. I eventually found some without local families too.

hypno06

moo2moo......I thank my lucky stars that DD was never into makeup that much, and even more that DS has never shown the inclination :rotfl:

moo2moo

The make up I can tolerate, other than than last christmas where someone kindly gave DD1 her very own Bratz make up kit. She insited on becoming a make up artiste and by 8am everyone (daddy included) had been beautified by her. Answering the door at lunchtime in my PJs to my parents resulted in some of the worst photos in living memory. We did later discover that curry stains in white clothing are easier to remove than cheap kids make up, especially when you're daft enough to let it dry on for several hours.

Then there was the battery operated hamster in a ball. Hillarious. Really it was, it weebled and wobbled its way around the floor. Bored of that DD1 removed it from the ball and allowed it to run across the kitchen floor scaring granny who thought it was a mouse. Then they disappeared (peace at last!). Till I went upstairs and discovered 12" of blonde curly hair in a clump on the floor. Apparently the hamster had got stuck on DD2s head so DD1 liberated it with a pair of scissors leaving DD2 with a large baldie patch on the top of her head.

seven-day-weekend

We used to have a stream of willing babysitters, who lodged in my friend's huge house, who were always quite happy to babysit for the luxury of having the TV to themselves. Our son was always in bed.

Other than that, we had a lodger who never minded sitting. I suppose we were very lucky

I'd have gone mad otherwise. I really think that for the sale of your relationship you have to make time for yourselves as a couple.

Maybe when the kids are in bed you could get wine and pizza and watch a DVD that YOU want to watch and not a kiddie one?

And the person who said they spent their time alone with their husband decorating -don't! Not all the time. Go out in the car for a picnic, or even just for a ride- even spend the weekend in bed!

Your life won't fall apart if the house isn't decorated, but it might if your relationship goes because you never gave it any time. And your children are going to grow up eventually. Don't then find that you and your OH are strangers with nothing in common apart from the house and children.

Preaching over, sorry, but felt I had to say it.

annamc75

How old are the children? If old enough, why not see about having sleep overs with other friends. The joy of that is that although you will have to have your friends kids over for a night - in return you will get a whole child free night!!

penguin83

Brassic - I can completely stmpathise. We have lived in this house nearly 4 years and we have never had a day with just me and OH being here without the kids!


I do full time days and OH full time nights. He is in bed at the minute after finishing at 8 and will get up about 5 and off to work at 6. We dont have babysitters that will do overnight (my parents will do a couple of hours) but in fairness I couldnt leave them overnight anyway while they are still young.

Its been this way for 6 years now so we have got used to it! x x x

lilly81

Im a lone parent but live away from my family. I now do sleep overs with a friend, which works out well. You could do a babysitting circle or try taking a day off work when the kids are at school/nursery and go for lunch together, which is also cheaper then dinner!
Could you both make the effort to have a romantic meal at home?